Can I get some advice?

[KappaSig123]

SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE GUYS

WONT SEE ME AGAIN

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

Here's the deal guys...

This is my first week at my four year school. I just transferred from out of state and my friend from another school suggested I check out Kappa Sig to me people and possibly join a frat. I wanted to join a frat because I move a lot and I wanted a good core expierence with a group of cool guys.

I go to the rush event on my 2nd day at the school, and freakin love it. We go out after the event and get drinks. About 2 AM that day I am offered a bid on my first day. I love these dudes and think they are great, so I told them that I am totally down to pledge when the ceremony occurs in a couple weeks.

Here comes my concern. You see I'm a slightly shy kid. I'm not anti-social or anything, but you gotta meet me halfway. I did a pretty good job getting to know all the brothers in like 5 days so that went well. The problem is that I feel this enormous amount of pressure now because they offered me on the 1st day I rushed and I know other guys who have been trying to get a bid since Fall Quarter who just got it after me. I assumed that I made a good first impression.

The thing is that at every other event since I feel like they are almost disappointed in how I've acted at our after hours and other frat parties. Like I said above I'm a transfer so I dont know anyone else on camous besides my roommates, the brothers, and other people here and there. I dont know all the people in the frats "social group". We go to these parties and they start dancing with these girls they know or are dating. I dont know any girls at the place so I wasnt into dancing with some random drunk slut. This happened at another party as well. At our after hours I danced with some random ho's just to break out of my shell, but its awkward as shit dancing with girls you dont even know their name or what they look like. Also, while all I did was dance basically 90% the house hooked up with chicks.

I try jumping into conversations with some brothers friends at other times during the party, but they are talking about events and stuff that I know nothing about so I really have no idea what to say.

Apart of me feels like the guys are disappointed that I aint hooking up with girls, and aint basically being like the life of a party. They havent said anything like this, but apart of me feels this way about it.

Here's the type of person I am... I like to party but maybe only 3-4 days a week... I dont like fucking random ho's that I dont know... I'm very chill and relaxed most of the time... I prefer to listen instead of talk... I'm very inexpierenced when it comes to picking up random girls... I'm very friendly... And I just want everyone to have a good time even if I'm not...

My question is that after reading about me do you think I can find my niche in a frat? Do you think maybe I'm just nervous because this is my first week and I should worry less? Have you guys ever regretted offering someone a bid? Should I know more people by now? Does the frat really care about how many "outside" friends you have or "female" connections? Any words to help me out would be appreciated.

I mean I love all the brothers. They are all very cool/nice guys. I mean I tried to break up a fight with a brother and another guy. I got these guys backs. I love the house, the organization, everything. The only thing I'm worried about is if I fit in with them? I dont want to be like the only guy in the frat who doesnt get laid and get hell for it because I dont hook up with random sluts. Or I dont want to go to parties with these guys and feel like an outsider who they regret letting in.

I just need some advice... lol

THANKS ALOT!

QFP because I feel like I'm crossing a bridge with some goats.

Have you thought that maybe some of the brothers or members take issue with the fact you refer to women as "random sluts" "random ho's" (that's actually hoes) "some random drunk slut" "chicks" might be the issue? I know that if I was friends with a guy and his brother was calling women those things I'd find you to be an awkward douche canoe and wonder why they'd pledge someone who feels that way towards women. If women are picking up on this behavior, you can bet they'd tell each other and you'd have not only the problem of offending your brothers (as those randoms may be their friends) but alienating yourself from women.

[DrPhil]

Your username's KappaSig so OF COURSE you'll find a place with a fraternity. Most likely Kappa Sig. Good luck.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

You really think I refer to all women like that? No way. I give respect to women who deserve it. These girls were hoes straight up. I'm sure most of us have been to parties where they were like this. Most of the sororities were recruiting so none of their girls were out at our party. Nearly every girl I saw there hoooked up with a guy. A random ass dude came up to me and told me "I just got my d**k sucked" and pointed to the girl. I'm sorry man but at least I dont fool around with a chick and then point them out to every guy in the house like they are a prize.

Seriously if you go out every night, get totally BOD, and hook up with guys without even knowing their names then yeah I'm going to call a girl a slut. Also, do you really think this is the worst that I've heard in this house? Dudes call these girls to their faces "c**ts", "roadhouse sl*ts", and "the girl that gets passed around our house." They respect most girls, but yeah man some are hoes. I mean you've been to a college party, right? Thanks for the lesson on how to be politically correct

It isn't about being politically correct, it is about making people like and accept you which you're obviously failing at or you wouldn't be asking for advice on the internet. If that's how your brothers treat women and refer to them it says just as much about them as it does about the behavior of the women. One can't be a "roadhouse slut" alone or be passed around if there isn't someone to give or receive. I just chose to not spend my time in college with those who treat each others poorly and had a great time just the same.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

About 2 AM that day I am offered a bid on my first day. I love these dudes and think they are great, so I told them that I am totally down to pledge when the ceremony occurs in a couple weeks.

My advice: If you haven't pledged yet, much less been initiated, you have no business putting KappaSig in your username. It's presumptious to say the least, not to mention untrue when you're not a Kappa Sig yet.

Meanwhile, nobody on the internet can tell you whether you really fit in with this chapter. Every chapter of every fraternity is different, with its own personality. You got to figure this one out yourself. Good luck.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

Well, first off I think they like me overall. I'm just very nervous about the entire process and was curious if a shy guy like myself would fit in, and if I would be judged for not being a social butterfly at this point?

Second, yeah I agree that it takes two to tango so I'm not just calling all girls hoes and holding men in a higher manner. Since it sounds like you feel very strongly about womans rights how about you give me some credit for coming out and saying that I disagree with randomly hooking up with women and objectifying them. I mean lets get real, if you were in a frat or sorority you know exactly what type of guys/girls I'm talking about. They are at every college in America. This sounds like a shock to you or something?

Can you stop arguing over petty things like this and actually help me out with my original question? I'm not asking about hooking up with girls, but rather if I'd feel comfortable in a frat

Seriously, you think this is an argument? I'm just responding to what you're putting out there. It is hard to give someone credit for disagreeing with randomly hooking up with women or objectifying them when more than once they've referred to women as hoes and sluts. If you can't see the hypocrisy in that I'm sorry. Furthermore it isn't about women's rights, as many of the men who actively participate in fraternity life and this board do not refer to women this way because they are classy gentlemen.

Unlike you I am an initiated member of an International Greek organization so getting saucy with me Bernaise and accusing me of being shocked is deflecting from your issue. There are people all over with self esteem and substance abuse issues (men and women) or who make poor choices, greek, non-greek, not even in college and so on and it truly has nothing to do with. If you're against treating women poorly why would you want to be in an organization you claim members refer to women in that way, regardless of you being shy? If all you see them doing is getting drunk and exposing themselves to STDs and who knows what, why do you want to be there? You may not be a good fit for this particular group of men at this time, which is common and not the end of the world.

You also may want to stop referring to it as a frat, some people find that offensive for whatever reason.

[33girl]

Yes, for the love of all that's holy stop calling it a frat. You sound either like someone writing a bad 80s sitcom or a piece of trailer trash when you do so.

Also, to use a fraternity in your username when you're not initated yet is incredibly offensive.

Either you're a holier than thou prick, or you can't get any action and so are pretending you're a holier than thou prick when you're really a frustrated prick. Either way I don't think this fraternity is for you. (Not that you'll have to worry about that if any of the brothers ever see this thread.)

[Psi U MC Vito]

They are friendly and accepting ,yet you don't like the stuff that goes on in the house. oooooooookay.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

3. Its a god damn internet message board. I mean who cares what I call myself for one thread.

Ahhh teh irony.

It is a "god damn" internet message board, so how the hell are we suppose to know if you'll fit in with the Kappa Sigs at your school?

[MysticCat]

I think if you look around here, you'll find lots of people had some adjustment getting used to the people in their chapters. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like I said before, ultimately only you can figure it out, and at the risk of a cliche, it's likely to be what you make of it.

As to your name,

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

I didnt think it would be that big of a deal.

I'm sure no harm was intended. But now you know that most fraternity and sorority members would consider it a very big deal.

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

You also may want to stop referring to it as a frat, some people find that offensive for whatever reason.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Yes, for the love of all that's holy stop calling it a frat. You sound either like someone writing a bad 80s sitcom or a piece of trailer trash when you do so.

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

Half the guys in the house call it a Frat

Like VandalSquirrel said, some people find it very offensive, but not everyone does. Most fraternity HQs heavily discourage use of the word because of the Animal House/frat boy connotation. (No stupid or profane analogies are needed beyond that.)

Its a g*d damn internet message board. I mean who cares what I call myself for one thread.

Like I said, most members of fraternities tend to care a great deal.

The point is, if you're asking people for advice, you usually get further if you don't offend them. Calling yourself "KappaSig" when you're not one yet and using the word "frat," even if the brothers in the chapter use it, are pretty much guaranteed to offend a good number of people on a Greek chat board. It is what it is.

[DrPhil]

He wanted opinions without getting opinions. Tough crowd.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

Well thanks guys for being soo welcoming tonight :/

I'll just leave and delete the thread... It seems you guys dont like me so why bother

Honestly, I didnt say anything bad about any of you guys and you have attacked me. Instead of giving me constructive criticism you have just attacked me with stupid petty shit.

1. I've seen more sex, drugs, and booze in this past week so dont give me this yard of crap about being gentlemen.

2. Half the guys in the house call it a Frat

3. Its a god damn internet message board. I mean who cares what I call myself for one thread.

All I wanted to know was how a frat is like for new guys who dont know alot of people yet. All I get is a yard of crap because I call things like they are. After seeing how rude you guys are I'm glad the brothers in the house are actually friendly and accepting.

Originally Posted by KappaSig123

I just wanted people based off their own experience to tell me what it was like, and not look at it this deep. I didnt expect people to get into specifics like this. I just wanted people to tell me if its normal for me to feel nervous being new and thrown into this world, but no one has helped or answered any of my highlighted questions.

If a mod can just close this thread I'll leave for good and never come back

ETA: I am so glad I was QFPing during the deletion.

[KappaSig123]

Sorry for messing with flow here guys. You guys can just close and delete this thread if you want, but if you wanna keep it then go ahead. Everyone have a nice night

[agzg]

My, I thought the full moon already passed. Yinz are silly.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I think if you look around here, you'll find lots of people had some adjustment getting used to the people in their chapters. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like I said before, ultimately only you can figure it out, and at the risk of a cliche, it's likely to be what you make of it.

As to your name,
I'm sure no harm was intended. But now you know that most fraternity and sorority members would consider it a very big deal.





Like VandalSquirrel said, some people find it very offensive, but not everyone does. Most fraternity HQs heavily discourage use of the word because of the Animal House/frat boy connotation. (No stupid or profane analogies are needed beyond that.)

Like I said, most members of fraternities tend to care a great deal.

The point is, if you're asking people for advice, you usually get further if you don't offend them. Calling yourself "KappaSig" when you're not one yet and using the word "frat," even if the brothers in the chapter use it, are pretty much guaranteed to offend a good number of people on a Greek chat board. It is what it is.

you wouldn't call your country.............