Tips for Northerners Moving to the South

Sistermadly · #1 11-13-2004, 01:13 PM

Found on Cartalk.com

1. Save All Manner of Bacon Grease: You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean the natives can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

6. Do not buy food at the movie store.

7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

11. People walk slower here.

12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy." Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern- influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

16. If attending a funeral, remember, Southerners stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

8. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

23. Tornadoes and Southern divorces have a lot in common. Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

24. Florida is not considered a Southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

25. In Southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor." You will also hear expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy," "Good Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."

26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a vehicle known as a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for such a vehicle.

27. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Private I · #2 11-13-2004, 01:45 PM

actually the part about Florida is not true. At least not for north Florida (which is jokingly called south Georgia), in the panhandle.

DeltAlum · #3 11-13-2004, 02:04 PM

I only skimmed the original post, but did I miss the part about "Sweet Tea?"

(I just got back from a week in Charlottesville, VA, and one place actually asked if it was ok that the tea was not "sweet."

Munchkin03 · #4 11-13-2004, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Private I
actually the part about Florida is not true. At least not for north Florida (which is jokingly called south Georgia), in the panhandle.

Or, "Lower Alabama."

MSKKG · #5 11-13-2004, 02:59 PM

Cute list, especially #23!

Actually, no one I know uses "y'all" as singular, so I would consider that wrong.

SSS1365 · #6 11-13-2004, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltAlum
I only skimmed the original post, but did I miss the part about "Sweet Tea?"

(I just got back from a week in Charlottesville, VA, and one place actually asked if it was ok that the tea was not "sweet."

Oh yes! I grew up in southern VA, and sweet tea is a staple there! In high school I worked at Taco Bell and sometimes I had to make the sweet tea... it was really gross how much sugar I was required to put in it. Now I live in Northern VA, which isn't really "Southern," and my mom gets upset that restaurants here don't serve sweet tea whenever she visits me.

carol9a · #7 11-13-2004, 03:27 PM

"Well, your honor, he needed killin'."

HILARIOUS!

Tom Earp · #8 11-13-2004, 03:27 PM

OMG, what a great list. Y'all must Remember Missouri was Southern, beleive it or not.

First true battle of the War between the States between Missouri and Kansas.

Gettysburg of the West in the Kansas City Area.

What the hell is not Sweet Tea? Heathens that dont drink Sweet Tea?

Got to Have Sweet Tea!

4 Wheel Drive must have a whip antenna and a 30-06 in the rear window for varmits or dirt bags!

Hm wondered why Rams Man called me Bubba!

Never forget Good Ole Boy or Girl, down home just like a slice of heaven and earth.

kappaloo · #9 11-13-2004, 03:30 PM

Actually, we rarely were asked "You ain't from around here, are you?" when we were in Texas/Mississippi/Tennessee. Instead it was often asked as "Oh, are you from here?" or "Are you new to the area?"

Tom Earp · #10 11-13-2004, 03:40 PM

Ah, Northern Canada I see!

preciousjeni · #11 11-13-2004, 04:23 PM

I LOVE 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10, 11, 16, 17, 24, 25, 26, 27!

Sistermadly · #12 11-13-2004, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by carol9a
"Well, your honor, he needed killin'."

Yeah, that was one of my favorites, too.

AWJDZ · #13 11-13-2004, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SSS1365
Oh yes! I grew up in southern VA, and sweet tea is a staple there! In high school I worked at Taco Bell and sometimes I had to make the sweet tea... it was really gross how much sugar I was required to put in it. Now I live in Northern VA, which isn't really "Southern," and my mom gets upset that restaurants here don't serve sweet tea whenever she visits me.

what part of southern VA did you grow up in? I grew up in Suffolk....

Tippiechick · #14 11-13-2004, 08:41 PM

It said nothing about the fact that we always pull to the shoulder of the road when a funeral procession passes. It's just so respectful.

preciousjeni · #15 11-13-2004, 08:49 PM

One big difference I've noticed in travel up and down the east coast...It seems that northerners more urgently get out of the way of emergency vehicles (ambulance, police, fire, etc.) whereas, in the south, people act like they don't see them!

Also, the emergency vehicles up north DO NOT pause in intersections like they do in the south.

And, may I say that I have yet to see a car wreck in Nyack, NY in two/three months. But I was in Georgia and saw 6 wrecks on the same highway in three days. Makes me think...