D&R Random

[I2K Beta Mu]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

You cannot judge someone who stays in an abusive relationship unless you've been in one (as in one of the two, not an outside victim), which you've already told us you haven't. You can't even say what you would do for sure, because you truly don't know until you've been there.

You can't say what I would do or what I wouldn't do for the simple fact you don't know me like that. My opinion on the topic still stands whether you agree with me or not. If you stay, it's because you made that decision to stay. Is it easy to bounce? For some, it is, for some it isn't. I think it largely depends on the person and situation. But for those who have trouble bouncing, they should at least be getting some help so they can leave. The shit isn't going to get any better. In some relationships it can, but in most it gets worse. One of my frat was in the same situation, except he was the abuser based on what I've heard through him and other frat. They both got help, because his wife was about to leave. As far as I know they're still together, had a kid, and all seems to be cool. So there are some exceptions.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by I2K Beta Mu

You can't say what I would do or what I wouldn't do for the simple fact you don't know me like that. My opinion on the topic still stands whether you agree with me or not. If you stay, it's because you made that decision to stay. Is it easy to bounce? For some, it is, for some it isn't. I think it largely depends on the person and situation. But for those who have trouble bouncing, they should at least be getting some help so they can leave. The shit isn't going to get any better. In some relationships it can, but in most it gets worse. One of my frat was in the same situation, except he was the abuser based on what I've heard through him and other frat. They both got help, because his wife was about to leave. As far as I know they're still together, had a kid, and all seems to be cool. So there are some exceptions.

Right, I can't say what you would do because you don't know what you would do. You think you do, and you could end up following through if ever put in that situation. I hope you never find out for sure.

I watched my dad mentally and physically abuse my mom. Never severe (I think the worst was when he threw a baseball glove at her), but I told myself I'd never stay in an abusive situstion. Fast forward and I had an incident that landed my husband in the county jail. As with IrishLake, that probably saved our marriage. He got counseling, and every once in awhile he still starts to get worked up, but he's learned to calm himself diwn before he gets physical. His biological dad also abused his mom.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by I2K Beta Mu

Okay I feel you.

Translation: Meet me in that other thread.

[I2K Beta Mu]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Right, I can't say what you would do because you don't know what you would do. You think you do, and you could end up following through if ever put in that situation. I hope you never find out for sure.

I watched my dad mentally and physically abuse my mom. Never severe (I think the worst was when he threw a baseball glove at her), but I told myself I'd never stay in an abusive situstion. Fast forward and I had an incident that landed my husband in the county jail. As with IrishLake, that probably saved our marriage. He got counseling, and every once in awhile he still starts to get worked up, but he's learned to calm himself diwn before he gets physical. His biological dad also abused his mom.

I feel you, but where I still disagree is I do know what I would do because growing up I saw what I didn't want. I had a fucked up pops, and with that, I saw as a kid that I didn't want that kind of life. There were times as a kid where I would blame myself, then as I got older I blamed my mom for putting us through that shit. But I look at the situation I'm in right now. I said I didn't want that life and because of the strong minded mofo that I am, I did just that. I changed my situation. Unfortunately the memories of his dumbass will always be there. I can't change that part, but I can change my choices and decisions.

My mom got her life together after dude bounced, sent both me and my sister to college. My sister went on to get her masters, but that's just a piece of paper to me, so I didn't want to fuck with that LOL. Nothing against folks pursuing that. I instead started my own landscaping business which has grown to the point where it's getting tough for me to keep up. But I started it because I wanted something to pass down to my kids if I ever have any. My pops never passed shit down to me, so I made it a point to do the opposite. So I know what I would do in that particular situation. I know, because I've done it.

When your husband did what he did, you didn't put up with the shit like some would. You made the decision to do something about the situation. You didn't leave, but at the same time you didn't put up with the shit either. Some females wouldn't have done shit. Because you made the decision to do something about it, y'all are good. With dude getting worked up over shit, that's pretty normal. We all get worked up and pissed off, that's apart of life. But what I'm saying, if dude kept on doing that shit, then a decision needs to be made. Whether you stay or go, it's still your choice to do what you want to do. That's why I was saying it depends on the situation and the person. Not all situations are going to be the same, which is going to have an impact on the decision being made. With the individual person, some folks are different and really would bounce if they were involved in the shit. There are some folks who really wouldn't put up with that shit, and I applaud those folks.

[I2K Beta Mu]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Translation: Meet me in that other thread.

CTFU! Bet.

[Tulip86]

I guess I'm the one he called a bitch?


I2K Beta Mu... calling someone a bitch is verbal abuse. There's so much you don't know about life and relationships, and you don't know what's going on in the minds of others. You can't compare one relationship to the other, and judging in this case can be very offensive. YOU don't know what YOU would do, because you haven't been there.
I have. It was hell. And it all started with him calling me a bitch...

[cheerfulgreek]

It's such a nice day today. Okay, this is bad, but I wish it was cold and rainy today and tomorrow, so I could have cold weather to get away from...Labadee, Falmouth, and Cozumel, here we come. I've been waiting for this trip since December. I'm so excited!

Have a wonderful week everyone.

[christiangirl]

Right now, I have that feeling I have when I wake up to find there was a huge earthquake during the night and I slept through it. You know, waking up to find everyone all in a flutter and you know you missed something big while you where out.

[WCsweet<3]

And he's banned... again.


It's picnic weather. Hopefully I can convince my boyfriend to go with!

[Tulip86]

Banned? That seems a bit harsh.. though I don't know what he actually called me.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

It's picnic weather. Hopefully I can convince my boyfriend to go with!

This is an excellent date idea - thank you!

[PrettyBoy]

Got him again, eh? LOL! I scrolled back to see what he said, but it's all gone. Damn, missed it.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

I feel like when it comes to banning users, mods are patient the first time and make sure the person deserves it in their eyes. If the person creates subsequent accounts and acts the same way that got them banned in the first place, the mods are less than forgiving. Remember what happened with other repeat offenders on this board?

ETA: On Thursday I had to say goodbye to Starfish until the end of July. She's leaving today for Alabama for her internship studying fish reproduction. Since then, my parents have checked in on us and wondered how serious we are. That coupled with other comments they and others have made about how good we are together is starting to scare me. Not that we aren't but those comments are followed by something along the lines of 'Don't mess it up.' No pressure or anything.

[PrettyBoy]

Just want to add my thoughts on the last few pages of this thread, with the conversation on relationship abuse: I wasn't raised in it, I've never seen it, nor do I practice it. That includes both the verbal and physical, and whatever other kinds of abuse there are, therefore I don't know anything about it, which is a blessing, to me. I'm not a woman, so I can only speak from a man's point of view. But (to me), whether she is your wife, fiance', live-in partner, lady-friend, etc. a man should love, cherish, and honor his own woman as he does his own body. How he treats her is how he treats himself. Any treatment of her that is less than that, (in my eyes) isn't good enough.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by Tulip86

Banned? That seems a bit harsh.. though I don't know what he actually called me.

This wasn't his first rodeo.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Got him again, eh? LOL! I scrolled back to see what he said, but it's all gone. Damn, missed it.

I missed it, too. When I saw "Banned" under his name - in another thread - I wondered what he had done this time. Didn't take me long to find this thread. But, like you said, the ban-worthy comments have all been deleted. I can't say I'm sorry I missed it, though.