You have animals, he/she is allergic

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Pets/no pets are a dealbreaker, and if someone has zero trouble getting rid of their pet to placate you, that should be a dealbreaker too. The next lifetime commitment they make that they break may be to you.

I disagree and don't consider pets a lifetime commitment. I consider them property. My family has owned dogs over the years that I loved dearly (one we had for 15 years and he died a few years ago ) but they were still lower on the totem pole than my relationships with humans.

[StealthMode]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

If a guy tells me it's him or the dog, the dog wins.

Amen! I'll leave it at that.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I disagree and don't consider pets a lifetime commitment. I consider them property. My family has owned dogs over the years that I loved dearly (one we had for 15 years and he died a few years ago ) but they were still lower on the totem pole than my relationships with humans.

Maybe you think that way, but unlike other property, if you abandon or surrender it, other humans end up paying in some way (either through tax support of shelters, health issues from strays or unwanted litters). Unless of course you can find a vet unethical enough to put an animal to sleep judt because you're over it. But as you said, fortunately you are self-aware enough not to have animals.

[DrPhil]

And I am definitely not the only person in the world who feels this way. Not every unwanted pet is sent to a shelter, abandoned on a street, or euthanized. You spoke definitively about pets as though there is only one way to legally and humanely view pets; and as though someone who would give up their pet is a demon spawn who can't commit to anything. That just isn't true in a general sense beyond personal opinion. Sometimes people give up pets because the owners, themselves, or their loved ones (adults or children) can become ill and hospitalized due to allergies. It is ridiculous to risk the health of you or loved ones for a pet. Not everyone considers pets a lifetime commitment that surpasses the happiness, well-being, and relationships with humans. People need to do what works for them and go based on their relationship deal breakers.

[cheerfulgreek]

Fortunately for both of us, we both love animals. Two cats and a dog.

[*winter*]

Originally Posted by thetalady

HEE HEE HEE!! All I can hear in my head is Harry in SITC mocking Charlotte, saying "I gave up Christ for you!"

YESSSS!!!! I thought of that too, especially since he is Jewish: "I gave up Christ AND MY CATS for you!*"

* I wouldn't actually give up Christ

[*winter*]

Double Post- but if it got serious enough I would consider getting rid of them. I love them but my biggest fear is ending up alone. I want to be married. I want to have children. I'm 34. I don't want to NOT do those things in my life because of cats, should it progress to that point. My mom can take a few, my BIL may take one and the others- I will try to network with all the cat people I know (and I know a lot.). I've already been through this when I thought about selling my house last year.

[DrPhil]

Good luck with whatever you decide, winter. Do what works for you so you are happy and won't end up resentful.

Since you mentioned your age and not wanting to be alone: Don't depict yourself as some "cat lady" and don't turn this into a rush and an emergency. None of the things we are discussing in this thread are life requirements and that includes pets, marriage, and children. These are life options/choices. Every person who "opts out" isn't a lonely miserable soul just as every person who "opts in" isn't happy and fulfilled. Good luck doing what you believe will make you happy and don't go based on other people's assessment.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Maybe you think that way, but unlike other property, if you abandon or surrender it, other humans end up paying in some way (either through tax support of shelters, health issues from strays or unwanted litters). Unless of course you can find a vet unethical enough to put an animal to sleep judt because you're over it. But as you said, fortunately you are self-aware enough not to have animals.

Wait, wait, wait, what about finding them another home?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

And I am definitely not the only person in the world who feels this way. Not every unwanted pet is sent to a shelter, abandoned on a street, or euthanized. You spoke definitively about pets as though there is only one way to legally and humanely view pets; and as though someone who would give up their pet is a demon spawn who can't commit to anything. That just isn't true in a general sense beyond personal opinion. Sometimes people give up pets because the owners, themselves, or their loved ones (adults or children) can become ill and hospitalized due to allergies. It is ridiculous to risk the health of you or loved ones for a pet. Not everyone considers pets a lifetime commitment that surpasses the happiness, well-being, and relationships with humans. People need to do what works for them and go based on their relationship deal breakers.

That came off harsher than I intended. Of course many times when boyfriend is allergic, pets go with no problem to parents or friends and all is well - winter said this would be the case with her. But my point is that taking in a living being is a responsibility and you need to be responsible if your situation changes and not just throw them back into the system for the rest of society to deal with. My cousin has jettisoned 2 cats & 2 horses because of THE BABY....the cats she didn't even wait until the baby was born to see how they'd react, and the horses she took after her marriage when she should thought a little further than the end of her nose about whether she would have time for them. That's the kind of irresponsibility that grinds my gears.

ETA: this also extends to what happens after you die. Ask a trusted friend if they'll be willing to care for whatever pets you might have after your death and put it in your will. Again, this is about being responsible and not putting more burden on an already overcrowded shelter/rescue system. Don't just assume friends and family will care for your pets.

[MTSUGURL]

I used to have a cat. Then everyone in my life was allergic - my boyfriend, my mother, my brother, my three closest friends, etc. In the end, the cat went. Not because of the boyfriend, but because no one could come to my apartment. I won't own another cat.

Now I have a dog and that's a completely different story. A man wouldn't have gotten beyond a first date if he was allergic to or didn't like dogs. My dog is like my kid - and for four years she has been the baby and only child. Thank goodness hubby loves her too.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

I used to have a cat. Then everyone in my life was allergic - my boyfriend, my mother, my brother, my three closest friends, etc. In the end, the cat went. Not because of the boyfriend, but because no one could come to my apartment. I won't own another cat.

This is funny to me because my daughter has asked when she can have a cat. I have told her not until she lives on her own and that I will not be able to visit her if she does. My prediction is that she will have a cat from the ages of 18-25.

[Low D Flat]

I'm in a similar situation now. My boyfriend and I are both cat lovers, but one of his is NOT accepting mine. She's terrified and doesn't seem to be getting over it after weeks of trying...and is not the kind of cat who could adjust well to a new home. So my cat is probably going to have to go to my parents. Luckily, this will only break my heart, and not hers, because she adapts well to change. I adore that cat and I'll miss her every single day if I have to give her up. But my future with a wonderful man has to come first.

[Kevin]

I'm with 33 on the responsibility of owning a pet. Before taking on an animal, understand what the responsibilities involved are. If you're someone who might find themselves in a situation where taking care of an animal might not be feasible, you can probably find a shelter which contracts to take your animal back if something happens. I am general counsel (pro bono) for one of those shelters. Yes, I actually get to sue (well, mostly threaten to sue) animal owners who don't spay and neuter because it's in the contract

[DrPhil]

33girl is going to fight Kevin for recommending a shelter.