Rushed for the second time and didn't get a bid

[elizey7]

Hey guys,

So last week was rush week. It was my second time rushing, and, all I can say is I felt less nervous than I did the first time. However, I didn't get a bid, and I'm trying to figure out why. On my application, I listed all 20 organizations I volunteered with over the summer and in the fall, all three clubs I was involved with on campus, and when asked why I was rushing, I was honest and said that I wanted the feeling of a true second family, and lifelong friends; friends who would stalk me to my first date with a guy, friends who would help my future boyfriend/fiancee an awesome proposal, friends who would help me pick out my wedding dress, throw me a bridal shower and baby shower. Does any of that sound too good to be true or too rehearsed, because it is really and honestly what I want, so maybe there's just a better way to rephrase it for next time?

Thanks

[DubaiSis]

Your reason for joining a sorority was to help you with boys?

[tinydancer]

That's the way I read it. It would have put me off.

[TPA85]

Originally Posted by elizey7

Hey guys,

So last week was rush week. It was my second time rushing, and, all I can say is I felt less nervous than I did the first time. However, I didn't get a bid, and I'm trying to figure out why. On my application, I listed all 20 organizations I volunteered with over the summer and in the fall, all three clubs I was involved with on campus, and when asked why I was rushing, I was honest and said that I wanted the feeling of a true second family, and lifelong friends; friends who would stalk me to my first date with a guy, friends who would help my future boyfriend/fiancee an awesome proposal, friends who would help me pick out my wedding dress, throw me a bridal shower and baby shower. Does any of that sound too good to be true or too rehearsed, because it is really and honestly what I want, so maybe there's just a better way to rephrase it for next time?

Thanks

You volunteer with 20 organizations and didn't think a good answer to "why do you want to join a sorority?" might be "I have a passion for philanthropy."?

The answer you gave makes it sound like the girls are there solely to be your assistants in the romance department.

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by elizey7

Hey guys,

So last week was rush week. It was my second time rushing, and, all I can say is I felt less nervous than I did the first time. However, I didn't get a bid, and I'm trying to figure out why. On my application, I listed all 20 organizations I volunteered with over the summer and in the fall, all three clubs I was involved with on campus, and when asked why I was rushing, I was honest and said that I wanted the feeling of a true second family, and lifelong friends; friends who would stalk me to my first date with a guy, friends who would help my future boyfriend/fiancee an awesome proposal, friends who would help me pick out my wedding dress, throw me a bridal shower and baby shower. Does any of that sound too good to be true or too rehearsed, because it is really and honestly what I want, so maybe there's just a better way to rephrase it for next time?

Thanks

I've got two words for you: too much. 20 organizations is absolute overkill and makes it look like you're trying way too hard to get them to be impressed by your volunteering. It's much more impressive to see someone put a lot of their time and effort into a handful of groups than running around from place to place to get everything on your resume. The same idea applies for college applications, if that helps: a school would rather see a student with deep involvement and commitment to a handful of organizations than very superficial involvement in many.

All of your reasons for rushing are not only very boy-centric but also sound very forced. If you'd stopped your reasons at "I wanted the feeling of a true second family and lifelong friends", you would have come off as much more authentic than listing the perfect life with men and how your future sisters would just slot nicely right in. When I'm deciding if I want a girl to be my sister I don't think about whether she can help me score a hot date but whether I'd want to spend time with her as a person.

Honestly, we won't ever know exactly why you didn't get a bid, but if this is how you're coming off to this chapter then maybe you should look at brushing up on your interpersonal skills and rewording how you explain your interest.

[AZTheta]

I just took a little time and skimmed all your posts on GC. You got a lot of great advice. Apparently, and unfortunately, it didn't help: this is your second time going through and ending up bidless. You simply may not be a good fit for any of the sororities on your campus. That's a reality of the process. You might be a great fit somewhere else but not at your school. And unless something drastically changes for you, I honestly would step back from this and give it a long rest.

What you've done hasn't worked - twice. Sororities do know who will fit, and who will bring qualities to the table that will enhance the group membership and functioning. Your description of why you are rushing is revealing. It's all about what the sorority can do for you, for your dreams, etc. - but nothing about what you hope to give to the sorority. Sororities will not fill the holes inside you. If anything, they will magnify your weaknesses and shortcomings. It's up to you to develop yourself.

Sorority membership teaches you a lot. How to function in a group. How to pull together for the common good. How to get along with anyone and everyone. How to put your own needs aside and work for a goal (that is not of your choosing). How to efficiently manage time and prioritize and keep up academics. How to be the best version of yourself you can be. I don't recall any date stalking, or thoughts of wedding showers and "awesome proposals" coming out of my membership. I was too busy trying to complete my degree, work part time, hold an office, and get to graduate school. elizey7, you've been spending too much time on youtube and not enough time interacting in the real world.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and figure this out. These words may be harsh to you; it's time for some bluntness. What you do with the information is up to you.

[33girl]

Did you bother to get to know any sorority members outside of rush? I would hope so, with membership in 20 organizations.

(I'm concurrently remembering Marcia Brady joining everything when she started high school and Fight Club where he and Marla went to support groups for everything. )

[33girl]

Ps: wth is "stalking a date"? That sounds hella creepy.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by elizey7

Does any of that sound too good to be true or too rehearsed,

Yes, your response centered around developing a bridal entourage, as well as the number of orgs you listed volunteering for over such a short time, do sound a bit fantastical, regardless of your intentions.

Originally Posted by elizey7

because it is really and honestly what I want

You may want to reevaluate why you want to join a sorority. Are your expectations for membership truly rooted in reality? Joining a sorority does not mean you will be instantly surrounded by adoring life-long BFFs. Not joining a sorority doesn't mean you are excluded from developing life-long friends anywhere/elsewhere.

Originally Posted by elizey7

so maybe there's just a better way to rephrase it for next time?

You posted earlier that your campus only has 2 (local?) sororities, so there may be fewer membership opportunities for the number of PNMs involved in the recruitment process.

I don't know anything about recruitment on your campus, but in general, the likelihood of a successful recruitment diminishes rather than improves as the years pass. If you were my daughter under these circumstances, I would advise you not to pursue membership a 3rd year. On a small campus with only 2 sororities -- and 2 recruitments so far without a bid -- the odds are definitely not in your favor.

I would encourage you to stop holding out for this notion of what you imagine sorority membership would be, and instead shift your focus to more involvement on campus (not additional orgs -- more involvement in fewer orgs). Only a tiny percentage of females on your campus are in a sorority, so the majority of women on your campus are out there participating and forming life-long friendships in other ways. Right now.

Don't allow the real opportunities of these best years pass you by. Good luck to you --

[AlwaysSAI]

/first thought

Volunteering with 20 organizations could be nothing more than giving 1 hour to 1 organization 1 time. Lots of people can volunteer once for an hour.

/end

[KSUViolet06]

I get what it is that you want. Everyone wants those lifelong friends. I do think that every other girl in recruitment wantd the same things though.

I think, too often that PNMs focus on answering the questions perfectly in a perfect Miss USA answer.

That is not what is going to get you a bid. You don't need rehearse it into the ground to the point that it is overdone/rehearsed.

I can also tell you that recruitment isn't one of those things where you can go down a checklist of requirements and assume that you should get a bid based on having all those things. Too often, PNMs think they are entitled to bids based on meeting basic requirements. No.

Ex: You can't say "I volunteered x hours with x orgs, I have a 4.0, I got recs. Boom. I should be good."

Recruitment is about so much more than those things. Like actually having relationships with sorority members outside of recruitment. If you don't have that, you were at a disadvantage.

Sidenote: Stalking a date. When I lived in the house, my best friend went on her first date. Some of us stayed up late to wait for her to come back so we could get details on how it went. That may be what she meant. We did that.

I am not married but I have had the privilege of celebrating many of my sisters at their weddings, showers, etc. But know that it is more than that. At 10 years after college, I have supported some of my sisters at their worst as well (divorces, husbands with cancer, sick kids, etc.)

[KSUViolet06]

I also think that we romanticize the things we don't have, especially when we desperately want it.

I'm not going to sit here and dowplay how awesome it is, because is one of the best things I ever did, but you do need to put your energy into other things.

Is it going to be the same as being in a sorority? Probably not. B ut there are relationships to be made in other orgs as well. If you compare them all to Greek life, you'll never have the chance to do that.

Ex: Yes, I am in a sorority but I am also part of another org I joined in college. I have some of the same lifelong friendships in this org as well.

[DaffyKD]

Several years ago I posted my rush story http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...t=ancient+rush

I tell how I had no intentions of pledging a sorority, how I wanted nothing to do with them and then BAM I pledge and have been very active for the last many many years. My best friend is a pledge sister, she was there when I got married, there when I had a very sick baby, there when I went through my divorce, is going to be at my daughter's wedding in September (she is my daughter's godmother), etc. My daughter went to a school with an active greek life but refused to go through recruitment. She has quite a few friends who are there for her all the time and none of them are sorority girls and thus none of them are sorority sisters. You don't need to be in a sorority to have great friends, you need great friends to have great friends. You find those friends in different parts of you life-- class, organizations, church/synagogue, through other friends, etc. Sorority life is not the be all to end all for everyone.

Good luck!

DaffyKD

[misscherrypie]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I also think that we romanticize the things we don't have, especially when we desperately want it.

I'm not going to sit here and dowplay how awesome it is, because is one of the best things I ever did, but you do need to put your energy into other things.

Is it going to be the same as being in a sorority? Probably not. B ut there are relationships to be made in other orgs as well. If you compare them all to Greek life, you'll never have the chance to do that.

Ex: Yes, I am in a sorority but I am also part of another org I joined in college. I have some of the same lifelong friendships in this org as well.

I agree. I know that my unwillingness to move on for so long from a dream of what I wanted sorority life to be caused me quite a bit of unneeded anguish. The women of GC gave me much the same advice back in 2012 when I went through recruitment the first time as they are giving to you now....and I'm ashamed to admit today that I didn't listen to them. I wish that I had.

Elizey, listen to me. I've been where you have been. Going through recruitment multiple times, not getting a bid and believing that only being active in Greek life was the only way to fill the hole that I had deep inside for acceptance, friends and fun. I am a sorority woman, however my experiences certainly didn't involve activities with boys, date parties, or interaction with Greek Life on my campus.

What I did experience was being able to present, to speak, to organize. I learned self-sacrifice, patience and diligence. I made the closest of friends and learned what it meant to have dedication beyond measure. I learned what love could be, the love for a sister, for a friend, for the world around us.

I'm active in my sororities, although not in the way in which I envisioned I would be. However, I also learned that I could have found what I did within any number of organizations, not just as a sorority member. It's the truth, even though it may not be the easiest one to learn.

[Sciencewoman]

^^^ Well said, misscherrypie.