How to Soothe This Pain???

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Scandia

But UF is as tight as it can get.

It might be now, but it wasn't a few years ago. There were a few "geeks" in my class, and they got into sororities at UF.

But this thread isn't about your rush experience a decade ago, unless you have real solid advice for GaMom.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by Scandia

Sounds like my experience at UF. I was in a very similar position- except that I was the class nerd in high school, and while I am pretty and dress well, I sure am not the beauty standard (I have dark hair and eyes- I'm Mediterranean). UF was just as cut-throat, if not tougher.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience. I hope she tries again next year.

I really hope that GaMom's daughter will not experience and hold on the same bitterness that you seem to harbor.



GaMom, i'm sure it will be tough, but there is SO much out there for her to explore her freshman year. If anything, this may open her up to opportunities that she may not have noticed if she was tied up in the sorority experience. Pledging a sorority is very time consuming- not only with mandatory events, but even just the desire to hang out with the new sisters. The sorority can consume their life.

I hope that she uses this as an opportunity to see where life takes her this year. I didn't pledge my freshman year (granted, I went to a northern school with a fairly small greek life), and I'm very happy that I waited until my sophomore year. I had the chance to get involved in a lot of activities, and get to know women in the various sororities. Young women change and grow up a lot in college, and I think having time to digest it all and try to figure out what kind of person they want to be is NOT a bad thing.

Who knows? She may decide sorority life isn't for her and getting cut was the best thing to happen to her. Or she may decide that she really wants to give it a try again.

She may have been intimidated, because as has been said, there are just SO many fabulous young women going through rush at these schools. There are so many girls that were the big fish in the little high school pond, and then they're all dropped together in the ocean (cliche, I know). And that takes some adjustment. And it may have made her shy or a little unsure of herself. Of course, we could conjecture forever.

Bottom line is that she WILL get over it and I truly hope she finds other things to sink her time into. Being in a sorority IS a wonderful experience, but there are so many other worthwhile things to get involved in while in college as well.

[GaMom]

Thank you!! You ladies are so great! I will absolutely pass along the draft of ADPiUCF's note. I know my daughter will appreciate all your kind words just as I have. You are all credits to your organizations!
GaMom

[AnchorAlumna]

GaMom,
I am so sorry that you and your daughter are having to go through this (and please ignore the idiots who are trying to hijack this thread). My daughter went through the same thing, and we didn't understand why...but to tell you the truth, there is probably no answer to that. With 1,300 women going through, things are crazy, and sororities that HAVE to whittle down their invitations use the most ludicrous reasons for cutting.
The good news is that she is eligible for COB now, or for spring informal recruitment later. She can take her time to get to know people, get involved in a couple of activities, give her studies the attention they deserve. And if she is later invited to join a sorority, it's icing on an already scrumptious cake.
My daughter did join a sorority, her first choice, about a month after formal recruitment ended.
And the truth is, she recovered from the hurt WAY quicker than I did.
Things WILL work out.

[honeychile]

AnchorAlum makes a wonderful case, and I wish I had said it myself. One of PNMs for whom I wrote a rec two years ago was in the identical position,
"the whole package" girl, cut by the third round. Now, this wasn't an SEC school, but it was a similar one, so since there was no room for COR, she decided to remain friends with the women she met in her Rho Gamma group. She met them for lunch or dinner, scheduled her classes with them, and planned movie nights for them. Sure, there were times when one or the other couldn't make it - but they all stayed friends, even over the summer.

So, when she went through recruitment as a sophmore, with an excellent GPA and desirable activities, she already had a friendship base with the other sophmores in her former Rho Gamma group AND several other sisters. She had an amazing schedule for a sophmore, and got the bid from her first choice (which she said was a very hard decision!). Best of all, these women are still all friends!

GaMom, if I could wish one thing for you, it would be that your daughter finds the very best way for her to ease her pain. I hope you convey to her the many women on GreekChat who would love to hug her and let her know that it will be alright! You, as a mom, are awesome!

[Rollergirl2001]

GaMom, please check your PM box.

Giant hugs to you and your daughter, and yellow flowers.

[BadSquirrelBeta]

I am so sorry!! Please follow what these ladies that know the climate at these schools are suggesting if that is the path your daughter is intending to stay in pursuit of...

I can feel your pain as a mother wanting to make things right. You are a good lady and I am sure your daughter IS the "total package".

Keep in touch...I have seen the people on these boards rally around people in situations like this and be a great support to them!!

[bamauga]

I feel your pain and that of your daughter. In addition to the advice about keeping her options open for later membership opportunities, I want to suggest a somewhat different direction. My daughter has found that attending a group at UGA like Crossroads, Wesley, RUF, and/or Campus Outreach has provided her with a much-needed peer group, composed of friends from her own sorority, other greeks, and people who are not involved in greek life.

[MTSUGURL]

I just want to hug your daughter. I know she's hurting - and you're a wonderful mom to be right there hurting with her and comforting her. When I was cut, my mom replied with, "What's the big deal?" You are doing everything right in this situation.

I hope that your daughter will get involved in other areas on campus- and from what you've said about her, I believe she will get involved rather than moping her first year. (Although she is definitely entitled to ice cream and pj's for a major moping session.) I hope that she finds activities that she truly loves on campus, and should she desire to try recruitment again, I hope that she will have a wonderful result.

For the moment, lots of hugs and kudos to you for your handling of your little girl.

[yehornay]

Ga Mom, please check your pm's.

FSU Mom

[BetteDavisEyes]

I'm sorry things didn't work out for your daughter. Just continue to be there for her as you have been doing all along.

[Tom Earp]

While I am sure it hurts, but is there a chance that she can join another House?

While it may sound crass, things do happen.

One of My own low number Brothers (54) joined a Fraternity across the steet from ours.

We all got over it and He was happy so all was good.

As some have said, COB or I think a new wording COR is still a posibilty.

The best of Luck to your daughter.

[Southern Mom]

GAMom:

Please know there are others who have felt your pain. Several years ago, my daughter had the "perfect rush," with no cuts. When it came down to ranking her final choices prior to Pref, she ended up with her top two choices, and that is what she preffed (at her school, you only pref a maximum of two groups).

After Pref, she ranked her choices and signed her pref card. However, she did not "match" and therefore did not receive a bid.

Certainly, she was disappointed, particularly when she found out she was the only PNM who did not "match." However, she also recognized that had she changed the order of her choices, there might have been a different outcome. Oh, the coulda, shoulda, wouldas of life!

In retrospect, my daughter said it would have been better to have been cut earlier in the process and left with fewer choices, instead of having the "perfect rush" end as it did.

While my daughter's experience isn't quite the same as your daughter's experience, GA Mom, I do understand the pain. The good thing is, life goes on and if your daughter is anything like mine, she will be just fine.

[pinkyphimu]

i am sorry that your daughter's experience ended this way. it is wonderful that you are able to be there for her and to support her through this disappointment. when i was in college, i had broken up with a serious boyfriend and he ended up dating one of my sisters...who i also happened to live with. he basically lived at our house and it was horrific. my mom gave me a heart shaped ring and told me that although she was unable to be with me all the time, she wanted me to know that whenever i hurt, she hurt too. she told me the ring was to remind me that no matter where i was or what was happening that she would always be there taking some of my pain. it was wonderful (and made me cry harder). i still wear it when things are crazy in my life or when i just need my mom.

[Tom Earp]

The problem, is it does happen.

The price of a Big School is still numbers and that is what the NPC is trying to control is numbers and equallity among chapters at schools.

It can and does happen sadly enough.

The problem seems to be, that the most imortant things is not getting into a certain GLO as a Legacy.

What should be important is the feelings of the person and how she feels with the GLOs that she has come in contact with.

She may feel closer to those that she is not supposed to be by the legacy of Family.

She may have been much happier joining another and would not feel bad if she as a daughter and legacy would feel about?

It does happen many times over and wiil keep happening.

It is her life. Just try to be happy for Her if she finds a GLO that she feels right with.