Not connecting with my Big?

SharonAmelia · #1 10-14-2013, 03:27 PM

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Kevin · #2 10-14-2013, 03:41 PM

If you're not comfortable broaching the subject with her, why not whoever is next up the chain of command for new member issues? Maybe you have a new member educator or an assistant new member educator who can help you with this?

adpiucf · #3 10-14-2013, 03:52 PM

You should text her and invite her out, too, and definitely talk to your new member coordinator about this. Also, the grass is always greener on the other side. I promise you there are other girls in your chapter who feel this way about their big (or their little)!

Remember that you have a chapter full of sisters and not just your big with whom to bond and make special connections. I never bonded with my "big," but I made the best of it and totally clicked with my first little (not so much with the second). Your big is there to sponsor you through initiation, your sisters are there for you overall to befriend--- friendship takes effort and time, so don't expect bonds overnight and remember that you both need to make the effort!

FSUZeta · #4 10-14-2013, 05:21 PM

You may be the little, but you may have to take the lead if you want to establish a relationship with her. Definitely try to do things with out outside of parties and mixers. Invite her for a coffee, or to grab a burger or pizza. What you do doesn't have to be elaborate, expensive or time consuming- it could be as simple as hanging out together.

And I agree with adpiucf, talk to your new member coordinator. She may have some great tips too!

DubaiSis · #5 10-14-2013, 07:15 PM

Don't put so much pressure on that particular relationship. Not every big/little pair is going to be a love connection every time. As long as you get along, you should probably consider that a win. Keep up your effort, especially if you do think it's just because she's really shy, but don't sweat it if it turns out she's just kind of a dud. And you'll be better as a big when it's your turn.

IrishLake · #6 10-14-2013, 08:11 PM

I am not very close to my Big or Little at all. I MIGHT talk to my Big via Facebook once a year. I MIGHT talk to my little 3 times a year. Little and I were much closer in college, Big and I were not so much. I LOVED my Grandbig though, we have the same name and we hit it off. Point is.... it's not the be all end all of your greek experience.

Psi U MC Vito · #7 10-14-2013, 08:15 PM

I don't think I ever had one on one time with my Big. Maybe once or twice in my three years as an UG? It's not that big a deal honestly. As long as your Big is there to be a mentor, that is the important thing. My closest brother is a guy who joined after I left, yet I am closer to him then anybody else. That doesn't mean I don't respect my Big, we were just too different to become BFFs and that's perfectly ok.

Mind you, this is from the fraternity viewpoint.

ADPiEE · #8 10-15-2013, 12:08 AM

I think the big/little thing has become really overrated lately and I'm not sure why? I see it hyped up over social media.
Yes, sometimes she ends up being your best friend but not all of the time (I'd say not even most of the time). I didn't connect with my "big" at all and we never even hung out. I bonded with my new member class and other older members instead. It wasn't a big deal though. I had a great "little" but she wasn't my best friend although we were close. My best lifelong friends ended up being other girls in the chapter...and even women I've met as an alumna.

You have gotten some great advice on here. Just know that what you're feeling isn't uncommon. You will bond with other sisters

DubaiSis · #9 10-15-2013, 12:42 AM

As Psi U said, the most important sisters in my adult life right now are women who didn't even attend my university, and many of them not even in the same decade. Try to not make this a huge deal.

33girl · #10 10-15-2013, 01:02 AM

I think the emphasis on big/little has increased as groups try to de-emphasize the pledge class as one cohesive unit that has to get things done and try to fully integrate the pledges into the organization immediately. It's not a normal way of making friends. The point of pledge class unity is that it's easier to bond with 25% of a group than to right away be thrust into bonding with 100% of the group. No one can do that, so now it's all "here's your big, she'll show you the ropes, etc etc etc." It's always been an important relationship, but I think that now it is being made to carry more weight than it should.

Katmandu · #11 10-15-2013, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ADPiEE

I think the big/little thing has become really overrated lately and I'm not sure why? I see it hyped up over social media. )

This.

Also what 33girl said. It is being made to carry more weight than it should and it's being sold as the ideal BFF/girlfriend/sisters4EVR experience.

The more you angst over it, the more likely it will be awkward. Reach out to her, but reach out to others as well. If she doesn't respond, it is on her. Someone else may end up being a mentoring older sister. If you really feel that she is dropping the ball, talk to your new member educator. The big may have things going on in her life that you know nothing about. Maybe she was forced to take a little. Maybe she is swamped academically. Maybe she is just an awkward bitch and you are better off without her influence. Just remember, it doesn't reflect on you or your worth as a sister or person.

AOII Angel · #12 10-15-2013, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katmandu

This.

Also what 33girl said. It is being made to carry more weight than it should and it's being sold as the ideal BFF/girlfriend/sisters4EVR experience.

The more you angst over it, the more likely it will be awkward. Reach out to her, but reach out to others as well. If she doesn't respond, it is on her. Someone else may end up being a mentoring older sister. If you really feel that she is dropping the ball, talk to your new member educator. The big may have things going on in her life that you know nothing about. Maybe she was forced to take a little. Maybe she is swamped academically. Maybe she is just an awkward bitch and you are better off without her influence. Just remember, it doesn't reflect on you or your worth as a sister or person.

Amen.

Trust me. This is not the only sister you were meant to be close to. Friendships are not made by declaration. Over the years, you may find some relationship that works for the two of you...maybe you won't. I guarantee you that all the happy Big/Lil pairs you see right now will not be so happy over the next 3 years. It's human nature. All of you will develop friendships with others in the chapter. SOME of those relationships will be closest with the big/Lil...not most. Have a little perspective and temper your expectations. It will make your experience better in that you won't waste your time trying to cultivate a relationship that won't bring any satisfaction to you. Reach for more compatible sisters. It's okay to do that. I promise it is. Good luck.

DubaiSis · #13 10-15-2013, 02:14 PM

At least if you're not that great of friends you won't have this embarrassing awkward fight in the middle of your junior year where everyone in the chapter has to pick sides. And why oh why is it always over some guy?