"Are you a housewife?"

[BetteDavisEyes]

My goal in life is to make a fortune & have my future hubbie become a "Mr. Mom"

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
It wasn't my "role," it was our choice.

Yes, it was a mutual choice...there are men, probably around your age or maybe even younger, who do feel like it's the man's role to provide for his family without his wife having to work, and would probably feel like a lesser man if, for whatever reason, his wife did have to work.

My father is one of those men. He probably doesn't look down on men whose wives either have to or choose to work. But, he prides himself on the fact that my mother didn't have to work at all after they got married, and he feels like it was his role to make enough so that his wife didn't have to work.

That philosophy is becoming quite problematic now, as both my sister and I will probably make more than our partners for at least a few years. Geez, what do you expect when you encourage your daughters to go to excellent schools and do well? It really bothers him that our partners don't feel like it's their "role," but a choice that each couple has to make...but it doesn't bother us as much because we never attached a stigma to working women.

So, I don't think it's at all insulting to point out that there are men who think that their role IS to make sure their wives don't have to work. Based on time, region, or whatever values a family might hold, it's actually a pretty common view.

[aephi alum]

This man was probably in his 60's or so, and IIRC, he said he was still practicing. I doubt he meant to offend me (hence my restraint) - in his generation the two-income family was rather less common - but I'm not of his generation, I'm of a generation where the two-income family is the rule, not the exception.

I object to the term "housewife" because of its implications that if a family chooses to be a one-income family, it must be the woman who stays home, and her entire life should center around the house. I prefer the term "homemaker" or "stay-at-home mom".

I'm glad we get to make choices these days. Many women are in a position to choose whether to have a full-time career, work part-time and spend some time with the kids, or be a full-time wife and mother. And if a man wants to stay home with the kids while his wife makes the big bucks, that's fine too! I just wish people who grew up when this wasn't the case would recognize that times have changed.

[James]

Its kind of like arguing about semantics . .. a person getting upset because you ask him if he is a janitor versus a custodial engineer.

If someone says they are a custodial engineer people mentally translate it into janitor.

If someone says they are a home-maker, it mentally translates into house wife. . . .

I think some people might be touchy because prt of them thinks they should be out their slaying dragons and making lots of money, but have chosen to stay home for whatever reason and see a small need to justify themselves.

And thats fine. But its certainly not a "federal case" so to speak.

Originally posted by aephi alum
This man was probably in his 60's or so, and IIRC, he said he was still practicing. I doubt he meant to offend me (hence my restraint) - in his generation the two-income family was rather less common - but I'm not of his generation, I'm of a generation where the two-income family is the rule, not the exception.

I object to the term "housewife" because of its implications that if a family chooses to be a one-income family, it must be the woman who stays home, and her entire life should center around the house. I prefer the term "homemaker" or "stay-at-home mom".

I'm glad we get to make choices these days. Many women are in a position to choose whether to have a full-time career, work part-time and spend some time with the kids, or be a full-time wife and mother. And if a man wants to stay home with the kids while his wife makes the big bucks, that's fine too! I just wish people who grew up when this wasn't the case would recognize that times have changed.

[dzandiloo]

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
My goal in life is to make a fortune & have my future hubbie become a "Mr. Mom"

That's what we did for a while. I am a terrible housekeeper, and although I adore my kids, it is not in their best interest, or mine to be around eachother all day (I am not the most patient person in the world). Fortunately, my DH is extremely neat, ridiculously patient and just the right combination of fun & firm w/the kids.

A couple of years ago, we had the opportunity for him to stay at home for about 6 months b/c he left a job he hated, and we knew we would be moving to another town, so we decided he shouldn't bother trying to find something in the interim. I cannot stress how much we all loved it. The house was always clean, the kids had a routine and were very well behaved and he and I were both happier b/c we weren't always rushing around. I did get jealous though, b/c he got into a play group & was hanging around w/a bunch of other SAHM's. After that experience, I really saw the benefit of at least ONE of the parents staying at home...as long as it isn't me!

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Yes, it was a mutual choice...there are men, probably around your age or maybe even younger, who do feel like it's the man's role to provide for his family without his wife having to work, and would probably feel like a lesser man if, for whatever reason, his wife did have to work.

I'm sorry, because I don't know you or the intentions in your posts, but your comments sound condesending to me.

While it is not my place to make judgements on women who want careers, men who want to stay at home or any of the other possible lifestyle combinations, nor is it your place to disparage women who want to be "housewives" or stay at home moms or any of those combinations of verbage.

In addition, if a man chooses,at any age or social station, to take full responsibility for supporting a family, that's his choice -- or a mutual choice made within the confines of a family.

[Glitter650]

I would just be weirded out by the fact he ASSUMED I was a "Housewife". I mean how did he come to that conclusion ?

[sageofages]

Originally posted by Glitter650
I would just be weirded out by the fact he ASSUMED I was a "Housewife". I mean how did he come to that conclusion ?

Ring on your finger perhaps?? Looking well "kept" and stylin' cause you have free time to go to the salon? All kinds of older guy clues....

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

Originally posted by dzandiloo
That's what we did for a while. I am a terrible housekeeper, and although I adore my kids, it is not in their best interest, or mine to be around eachother all day (I am not the most patient person in the world). Fortunately, my DH is extremely neat, ridiculously patient and just the right combination of fun & firm w/the kids. ... I cannot stress how much we all loved it. The house was always clean, the kids had a routine and were very well behaved and he and I were both happier b/c we weren't always rushing around. I did get jealous though, b/c he got into a play group & was hanging around w/a bunch of other SAHM's. After that experience, I really saw the benefit of at least ONE of the parents staying at home...as long as it isn't me!

Oh. My. Gosh. That sounds AWESOME.

I want a wife just like yours, Andi. That just sounds like the coolest household ever -- he's relaxed because he liked being at home w/ the kids, the kids are happy, well behaved, and get to spend time w/ you guys, the house is clean, you're happy and relaxed b/c you get to be in the working world AND the place isn't a mess when you get home.


Yesterday I stayed home sick and stayed @ my boyfriend's place. I got bored after like 12 hours of sleep (don't hate me because I'm well-rested) and started cleaning up. Which of course didn't take much, since it's a 1 bedroom apt. and he doesn't have any kids living there to mess it up. But sometimes even that can seem like SO much effort when you get home from a 9 hr workday and an hour commute.

Anyway, he was thrilled. And I quote.... "can I please pay for you to go back to school? And live here?"

I wish!

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
I'm sorry, because I don't know you or the intentions in your posts, but your comments sound condesending to me.

Ummm, hardly my intention there.

Basically, I said that there are men who feel like it's their role to make sure that their wives don't have to work--many don't think of it as a choice, like you did. My father fits squarely in the former category, and it really burns his blood to realize that Mr. Munch, and Mr. SisterMunch, don't have that same worldview; it also angers him that we don't demand this out of our partners and would (gasp!) choose to work while they stayed at home.

Therefore, what aephi alum's friend said, even though a lot of people are saying that because he's "old," doesn't surprise me even if he was in his 50s.

Please show me where I "disparaged" women who choose not to work. My mother is still a stay-at-home mom/housewife/homemaker--even though her youngest child hasn't lived at home since the Clinton administration. Please show me where I was condescending, by simply applying the discussion at hand to my own life.

[sageofages]

We all do the thing that works the best for us in our life at the time! I have been disparaged for working outside the home, for not working outside the home, volunteering instead of working outside the home, for volunteering while working outside the home and for not volunteering while not working outside the home....I am come to realize...I *ain't* gonna make everyone happy!

As a stay-at-home teenage boy herder (read that as mom to 3 teen/pre-teen boys)....

There are some days where working outside the home would be a TREAT!!!! And there are days when being at home is the best thing in the world !!!