Keep these things in mind

kddani · #1 08-18-2003, 05:35 PM

Okay, some of y'all may flame for this, but it's driving a lot of us nuts. And being that it's high rush time, I thought it would be important to bring some points up to ask all GCers to think about:

A lot of this is a compliation of things that a few GCers have discussed. Some is straight up direct quotes from conversations that i've had with people. I just didn't want to include names w/o their permission so i'm just posting in generally.

* Don't blow sunshine up a PNMs butt when you shouldn't. I.e. telling someone not to worry about having low grades when they're going through rush at one of the most competitive systems in the country. Or telling a senior that she has a great chance of getting at a house as UF, for example. It's okay to be encouraging, but BE REALISTIC. Don't build a PNMs hopes up unrealistically. If you don't know about the system, then don't comment on it. You may be from a chapter that could take a junior or senior with a 1.96 GPA, but at a lot of schools this won't fly. It's not fair to PNMs if you tell them they'll be okay, they're great people, a house would be stupid not to take them.

* This is why Panhellenic tells sorority members not to talk to PNM's....they don't want us to build up a PNM and then she doesn't get a bid. It creates tons of problems. Should we maybe have the same discretion although we're not at the PNM's school? In a sense, we're doing exactly what Panhellenic at their schools tells the sorority sisters not to do.

* That's why folks you see lots of women in NPHC groups make no such statements (in fact, they have HUGE notices not to ask questions about intake b/c they're not gonna answer) about any aspirant: we don't know the woman. She might be a great asset to some group, or a group's worst nightmare. That's for the particular chapter to decide.

* Everytime we say "I'm sure you'll get a bid somewhere", "I'm sure you'll make XYZ a wonderful sister" or even worse, after the PNM is cut or drops out of recruitment "I can't believe that AB didn't see what a great person you were. Those girls must be horrible rushers". Sometimes that may be true, but as a sorority member, I have to give the benefit of the doubt to the actual sorority members/chapters that met with the girl and didn't think she fit their group at that time. I can provide encouragement to try again, or sympathize with her, but I'm not going to imply that the chapter members/sororities somehow made a "bad decision."

The basic point is: don't build false hopes and don't say something that's not true just to try to be encouraging. You can be encouraging without building false hopes.

shadokat · #2 08-18-2003, 05:36 PM

GREAT post dani!! I agree 150%!

rainbowbrightCS · #3 08-18-2003, 05:46 PM

Yes I agree. I am a future PNM. and I see a huge different from telling me know what will happen or what should I wear? But some one telling me I will not be cut or every one will love me is wrong. Cuz when (or if) I do get cut I will feel cheated some how. I want to hear about reality , not a a facade of perfection.

Chris

MTSUGURL · #4 08-18-2003, 05:54 PM

Just so you know, as much as I appreciate the encouragement and good wishes that I get here on GC from actives and alums, I know that the decision rests solely with the chapter. I can understand the girls who may get their hopes way up, but luckily, You've all been as honest as you've been encouraging. Not only, that, but common sense tells me that a person I've never seen or talked to could not absolutely know that I would or would not be a perfect fit for their org. However, I wish I could convey how thankful I am that the NPC members here do not follow the example of the NPHC groups. If I hadn't had my questions answered, or had the encouragement, the occasional push, the help with recs, etc, I wouldn't have rushed at all. Then I would have retained my premature opinions of each group which were way off, I would've always wondered what if, and I wouldn't have met my rho sigma and her sister who are the most awesome girls!

Thank you for reminding us that we need to be realistic and remember that the decisions rest with the chapters and with us, not all of the wonderful women on GC. I'm off to prepare for rush now!!

kddani · #5 08-18-2003, 05:57 PM

Thanks Crystal

GC can be a great tool, but it's power must be used for good!

I'm glad GC has helped you and I hope it continues to!

Angels&Arrows · #6 08-18-2003, 06:50 PM

Can I get an "AMEN"!!!!!

Great post kddani...

AOIIalum · #7 08-18-2003, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
GC can be a great tool, but it's power must be used for good!

You are so right, Dani!

I'm a big fan of encouraging our GC PNMs, but we must temper our enthusiasm and support with reality. Reality is that recruitment is different for every sorority on every campus. What may be normal at one may never, ever occur at another.

kddani · #8 08-18-2003, 08:47 PM

Another thing that someone brought up to me:

Be careful when pressing PNMs for more details about their rush. There may very well be a reason behind why they don't want to post more details- they may feel uncomfortable, rush may not be going as well as hoped, they may just want to keep it private.

There's a lot of feelings and emotions that go along with rush, and it can be a very happy time or a very devestating time.

aopirose · #9 08-18-2003, 09:50 PM

I wholeheartedly agree with everything that you have said Dani. I went to an Alumnae Panhellenic luncheon not long ago and I spoke with several ladies about recruitment. One lady told me about her niece who is going to a nearby school with only 3 NPC chapters. She looked us all in the eye and said, "I told my niece that she was so perfect that the only way she wouldn't get a bid was if she didn't want one." My jaw dropped and she looked at me with a very puzzeld face. I told her that even though that school only has 3 groups, recruitment is not a cake walk. There are girls who get dropped from recruitment and even girls who do not bid match. The lady said, "Really?"

DeltaBetaBaby · #10 08-18-2003, 10:00 PM

I firmly believe that Greek life is not for everyone. This may be more controversial that what Dani said, but I really think it is true. We always encourage women who have bad rush experiences to try again, or COB, or maybe even AI.

I think we should encourage them to reconsider their reasons for wanting to be Greek and what they have to offer a chapter.

pinkyphimu · #11 08-18-2003, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltaBetaBaby
I firmly believe that Greek life is not for everyone. This may be more controversial that what Dani said, but I really think it is true. We always encourage women who have bad rush experiences to try again, or COB, or maybe even AI.

I think we should encourage them to reconsider their reasons for wanting to be Greek and what they have to offer a chapter.

although i agree that greek life isn't for everyone, i don't think that just bc they had a bad experience that they should stop wanting to be greek. quite frankly, i am POSITIVE that i would NEVER have survived a southern rush!!! that doesn't mean that i don't have many things to contribute to my glo- as a collegiate or as an alum. since chapters all over the country have different *vibes* perhaps suzie rushee would be a better fit in a glo at small state school with less competitive rush than at an sec school. my point is that just bc she doesn't fit with the women one year....or while in college, that doesn't mean that she should never be greek!

kddani has some great points. thanks for bringing them up! personally, i feel silly posting in each of the threads bc i want to wish everyone luck, but i don't *know* that she will receive a bid and i don't want to feel like i am giving anyone a false impression.

kddani · #12 08-19-2003, 11:49 AM

bumping........

Munchkin03 · #13 08-19-2003, 12:07 PM

I'm always wary when GCers reassure a rushee that "everything will be fine" when she is unsure whether or not she fits into the chapter or school's norm (student of color, has financial difficulties, etc). If you aren't part of the chapter or school, you can't say that! I tend to say NOTHING unless I'm very familiar with the school's Greek system.

PreppyGirl · #14 08-19-2003, 12:17 PM

Maybe it's just me, but I also think that we need to be careful about the expectations we encourage the pnms to have for pref night and recruitment in general. I never had the sudden overwhelming feeling that I found my home during recruitment week. I think that a lot of pnms are expecting to feel that way and think that they may not have found their perfect house unless they do... I knew that Pi Phi was the house for me, but it didn't really feel like *home* until later (way after recruitment) when I had established friendships and trust with my sisters. I'm sure that some people get that feeling much sooner, but I just want to let the pnms know that even if you don't, it doesn't mean that you aren't meant to be at that house!

Sidenote: When did I really feel like Pi Phi was my home?? When I was moving into the house at the beginning of my sophomore year, realizing how much I missed my sisters all summer and wondering how I made it so long without them! (We have deferred recruitment, so I had been initiated for about six months.) I probably felt like Pi Phi was my home much earlier, but I didn't actually get that *aha!* feeling until then!

Sorry this is so long and confusing! It's hard to write when you're at work!!

breathesgelatin · #15 08-19-2003, 12:21 PM

There is a fine line between being positive and encouraging, and spreading false hope. It's always appropriate to say things like "We are thinking of you/Best wishes/Good luck/Do your best/We hope all goes well/Enjoy yourself" but statements like "It will be fine/Don't worry about XXX (ie rush mishap-grade problem-junior status-etc)/Any chapter would be proud to have you" are more problematic. I think that we should be here to support and provide honest info to the PNMs. But there is a careful line to be walked. Sometimes I see GC users basically 'oral bidding' PNMs that they don't know and may not even be going to their group! I think we should all be cautious, but positive.

It's a difficult issue, too, because all of our recruitments are different. All of them require different things and the chapters are looking for different things. PNMs have to be savvy too--unless they're accepting advice from a member of an actual collegiate chapter (presumably before recruitment begins!) where they're rushing, the advice may or may not be totally accurate.

I do however, have a bit of a problem with GC users who continue to post in rush-related forums when there is a PNM who is going through at their college. I've only seen that happen a few times, but it seems like a pretty clear recruitment violation to me.

Edited to add: PreppyGirl, I have a sneaking suspicion that you're from my chapter. This is Susan!!