Is it okay to date one of frat bros old hook ups?

TDmkr19 · #1 05-24-2012, 07:37 PM

So basically there is this girl who I like and she likes me. One of my frat bros was hooking up with her for a while last semester and then he has been studying abroad in Australia. This is absolutely not the reason why she likes me now, we talked and stuff before but I just kind of knew she was hooking up with him so out of courtesy I didn't make any moves. She actually found out that he was kind of a player, cheated on his ex, basically was just trying to get in her pants. This past semester she also invited me to 2 of her date parties. Anyway is it okay for me to date her or is that against the bro code? Should I have to check if he's cool with it?

33girl · #2 05-24-2012, 08:13 PM

LOL. How big is your fraternity/school? There are places so small that what you propose is unavoidable. If you're at someplace with 15,000 students or more, look elsewhere.

TonyB06 · #3 05-25-2012, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TDmkr19

So basically there is this girl who I like and she likes me. One of my frat bros was hooking up with her for a while last semester and then he has been studying abroad in Australia. This is absolutely not the reason why she likes me now, we talked and stuff before but I just kind of knew she was hooking up with him so out of courtesy I didn't make any moves. She actually found out that he was kind of a player, cheated on his ex, basically was just trying to get in her pants. This past semester she also invited me to 2 of her date parties. Anyway is it okay for me to date her or is that against the bro code? Should I have to check if he's cool with it?

If you're an Alpha, don't do it. If you're in another frat, dowhatchulike.

for real, this has the potential for real messiness. tread carefully.

ThetaPrincess24 · #4 05-25-2012, 03:19 PM

If you have to ask this question, the answer is probably no. As the saying goes, "when in doubt, dont!"

thetalady · #5 05-25-2012, 08:25 PM

There is absolutely NO ONE in your fraternity that you can ask this question? If you are too nervous to even ask your brothers, then you already know your answer.

FSUZeta · #6 05-27-2012, 09:31 AM

you could send him an email and tell him that you would like to date the girl, but out of respect for your brotherhood you wanted to let him know beforehand. see how he reacts and then make your decision.

ASTalumna06 · #7 05-27-2012, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

you could send him an email...

Are you serious about this?

To the OP - if you really like this girl and you want to be with her, talk to your brother about it. You never know.. He might understand completely and not be bothered by it. A lot of my sisters dated my exes and it never bothered me. One of my sisters is actually still with my ex and they've been together for over 5 years. And shortly after she started dating him, I started dating one of his brothers. Haha

My philosophy is: it didn't work out with me and my ex, but if they're happy together, why should I be the one to stop it?

But please, whatever you do, do NOT send an email, or text, or carrier pigeon to inform your brother that you intend to date this girl! Have a conversation with him. That's what my sisters did with me, and I was happy they were honest with me. If they were to try to go behind my back, THAT would have made me mad.

DrPhil · #8 05-27-2012, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

But please, whatever you do, do NOT send an email, or text, or carrier pigeon to inform your brother that you intend to date this girl! Have a conversation with him. That's what my sisters did with me, and I was happy they were honest with me. If they were to try to go behind my back, THAT would have made me mad.

Quoted for awesomeness.

Some people care if you date their ex. Some people do not care. Some chapters have strict but unofficial guidelines when it comes to who a sister/brother wants to date or has dated ("calling dibs"). Some chapters do not. The OP will figure it out.

aephi alum · #9 05-28-2012, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thetalady

There is absolutely NO ONE in your fraternity that you can ask this question? If you are too nervous to even ask your brothers, then you already know your answer.

This. Seriously - go to your big brother or another of your brothers and ask him what you asked us in your original post.

I think FSUZeta suggested an email because the brother who hooked up with the girl is studying abroad. You can't talk to someone in person when he's on the other side of the planet. But sending an email about this kind of thing is pretty cold. If he's still in Australia and is going to be there for a while, you could try Skype - it's the least impersonal option I can think of off the top of my head. If he's back home, or will be back home soon, talk to him in person.

FSUZeta · #10 05-29-2012, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aephi alum

This. Seriously - go to your big brother or another of your brothers and ask him what you asked us in your original post.

I think FSUZeta suggested an email because the brother who hooked up with the girl is studying abroad. You can't talk to someone in person when he's on the other side of the planet. But sending an email about this kind of thing is pretty cold. If he's still in Australia and is going to be there for a while, you could try Skype - it's the least impersonal option I can think of off the top of my head. If he's back home, or will be back home soon, talk to him in person.

Thank you. That's exactly why I suggested it.