Always a PNM, never a sister.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I can absolutely see how the letter affected the sophomore recruitment. As they say, everybody knows somebody who knows somebody who knows the President. If one person told one other person, be assured that at least one person in every sorority knew about that letter within a day or two.

Okay, but there is a big difference between "Suzie PNM did this horrible thing" and "Patty Active from XYZ hates Suzie PNM". If the OP actually did something horrible and it got around, she is not giving us all of the facts. If she didn't, then I have a really hard time believing every chapter would drop her over a personal conflict.

Also, the very chapter that hated her so much is the one that invited her back twice?

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Also, the very chapter that hated her so much is the one that invited her back twice?

Wasn't that her legacy chapter? Might just be courtesy.

[KDCat]

If you have a reputation for certain behaviors, and that reputation is wide-spread, a bid is probably not in your future.

[28StGreek]

Not saying this is the case, but sometimes the reason can be as simple, harsh and judgmental, as appearance. Especially if its a small clique-y campus? And perhaps I am totally reading between the lines the wrong way, but the OP seemed to think it necessary for whatever reason to make comments about her own appearance.

C'est la vie.

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

SoccerSweetie22, just be honest here. What was in that letter?

This. Frankly, if you upset a sister to the point that she wrote a letter to the chapter, then A) you probably did something nasty, catty, were a sloppy/lazy roommate, or some variant thereof; or B) the girl who wrote the letter is a terrible person, in which case you probably don't want to be in that chapter. If you can tell us what happened between you and that sister, we may be able to give you a better idea as to whether you might be able to resolve this or if you've shot yourself in the foot. Have you considered talking to the girl who wrote the letter yourself? Sometimes extending the olive branch can go a long way.

[ComradesTrue]

I'm still not fully convinced this is a real story, but on the outside chance that it is:

Is there a chance that whatever the roommate thought about you was also known well beyond that roommate? In other words, if it was in regards to poor choices/behavior on your part, and those poor choices and behavior happened in a public venue, then there was really no need for a letter. Plenty of people would have seen it for themselves and they would have been able to share with their own chapters.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by 28StGreek

Not saying this is the case, but sometimes the reason can be as simple, harsh and judgmental, as appearance. Especially if its a small clique-y campus? And perhaps I am totally reading between the lines the wrong way, but the OP seemed to think it necessary for whatever reason to make comments about her own appearance.

C'est la vie.

I doubt it. In my experience, even the plainest PNM can usually find a place if she has good grades, good extracurriculars, and a decent personality. Not all sorority women are beauty queens.

The "not upholding the values and morals of sisterhood" sounds more serious.

[33girl]

A college student using the term 1%er?

Come on y'all. This screams troll/field trip like whoa.

[dgdramadawg]

The only thing I can think of that makes the OP's story about the "letter" conceivable:

If a member of sorority A wrote a letter to her friends who are members of sororities B and C revealing something completely, insanely awful about a PNM, that might result in a cut for sororities B and C as well as A. It would have to be a story that was not only awful, but so believable that it absolutely had to be true, at least from the points of view of the chapters involved.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

My freshman year I lived in a dorm with a young woman who was in a sorority, and before recruitment that year, she wrote a letter to someone higher up in the Greek system saying that I do not uphold the morals and values of sisterhood. She wrote this letter after only knowing me for a few (3) months, but her complaint has negatively affected my chances for receiving a bid. I get along great with all of her sisters and many of them spoke highly of me to their President and about offering me a bid. However, their President spoke to my former roommate and the young woman stood firm. This was very disappointing, especially because I don't have a problem with her.

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

I found out that she wrote the letter through mutual friends because she was talking about. It was later confirmed by my friend in her sorority who was present during a conversation my former roommate had with her sorority's president.

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

The Panhellenic President at my school offered to write me a letter of rec for recruitment, I don't know the specific rules so perhaps it is for one sorority. I'm just going from what I was told. When she asked me if I would be interested in rushing again, she offered. When she found out about the same thing I did with my former roommate (she did digging because she heard I received a bid from the sorority but turned it down) she could not officially confirm or deny if we knew the same thing, but it's very likely that the XYZ member was telling the truth about writing the letter. I do not know who XYZ wrote the letter to, but was told that it was above her head when my friend who is the pres tried to get me a bid and said it was "politics" and that I didn't do anything wrong, it was just someone being stubborn and holding a grudge.

Member from XYZ wrote a letter to someone in the Greek system two years ago. Other girls in XYZ told the XYZ president I should join. XYZ President talked to my former roommate/suitemate. Roomie told XYZ Pres that she will not withdraw her letter and that if I am offered a bid, she will drop. XYZ Sorority sister of XYZ roomie was present during this conversation.

The more I read all of this, the more confused I get. And the more I wonder how the OP knows so much about this letter.

Who did the letter go to? Obviously the Panhellenic President is her new bff, so it couldn't have been her And I highly doubt that if it went to the Greek Life Advisor that he/she would have ruined the OP's chances at receiving a bid.

This is all a little unbelievable, in my opinion.

[28StGreek]

Originally Posted by KDCat

I doubt it. In my experience, even the plainest PNM can usually find a place if she has good grades, good extracurriculars, and a decent personality. Not all sorority women are beauty queens.

I am not saying all sorority women are beauty queens, or that this applies to the OP. But nowadays at some schools were PNMs are so similar in grades, extracurriculars and personality (i.e. driven to excel, outgoing, social media savvy, etc) that it isn't much of a stretch of the imagination that the deciding factor could well be appearance.

Maybe its just my experience in a region where appearance/personal grooming is very much ingrained in the lifestyle habits of the general population.

[SoccerSweetie22]

I have no reason to troll or lie. It honestly just feels like you guys are trying to "catch" me trolling so you can tell me how pathetic and/or stupid I am. I'm not trolling, okay? And I've decided that I won't be going through recruitment again, but I want to clear a few things up because although I have a lot of respect for the Greek System (I really wanted to be a part of it!) this actually happened to me, and in some ways, the system may be flawed. This is what I have went through for two years. It doesn't sound right because it isn't. But that doesn't mean that I came on here to mess with you guys. Check my profile out. I made my profile for this specific question because I wanted an honest answer, and I believe that many of you gave me one. So thank you.

I'm going to stop being so anonymous so that hopefully this makes more sense.

DISCLAIMER: I do not have a problem with any of these sororities. I have the utmost respect for these organizations and in no way am I trying to insult any of them. I'm simply clarifying!


First Year: Lived with a roommate. She is in Delta Zeta. I went through recruitment. On day 2, I was called back to DZ and Sigma Kappa. I did not list my legacy, I did not make it to preference.

Second Year: Day 2 I was called back to Delta Zeta, Zeta Tau Alpha, and Alpha Delta Pi (My legacy) I listed my legacy. Again, did not make it to preference.

Let a year go by. Just a few months ago I became friends with the Panhellenic President at my school. She asked me what I thought about going through recruitment again. She said she heard from a Rho Chi that I was offered a bid from Delta Zeta and turned it down my second year. I was shocked because I was not offered a bid and I would have loved to have been a DZ. This news also shocked her so she did some digging. So did I. I wanted to know what had happened. Did I really get a bid? That is when I found out about the letter that my former roommate wrote to somebody in the Greek System. i do not know to who, i never saw the letter, but it was written and submitted. This was confirmed. This information is technically confidential. I was only able to receive confirmation because I had heard about it from someone else elsewhere.

The PanPres talked to the Pres of DZ. The DZPres talked to my former roommate asking if she felt any differently and if they could extend me a bid (other DZ sisters were also telling the DZPres I should join) My former roommate said no, her feelings about me remained the same. I was told this by a DZ sister and mutual friend of mine who observed the conversation and it was later confirmed by members of the panhellenic council. Both Presidents looked into overriding it, but were apparently told it was "above their heads" and it was just "politics" and they are very very sorry.

I had no knowledge that this letter was written, but it was apparently written before my first recruitment. I had known this woman for less than three months at the time she wrote the letter. I was told (and it was later confirmed) that she believed I did not uphold the values and morals of sisterhood and threatened to drop if I were offered a bid. This is especially painful because we hardly knew each other well enough for her to make those judgements, and she was so nice to me the entire year. Never in a million years did I think she would do that. Especially because she was always telling me and everyone we met how "awesome" I was. I feel very betrayed, but there is nothing I can do except to move on. I did NOT read the letter, I have never seen it. I only know what I have been told by mutual friends and Greek "employees" at my school (not sure what to call it. Council members perhaps) who have CONFIRMED what I'm saying. These are not rumors, they are facts.

I really wanted to pledge Delta Zeta. I loved the other chapters, but I fit in more with Delta Zeta. Please don't think I'm dissing the other chapters or blaming them for not getting a bid. It's true what they say, "you just know." I only really felt that with DZ. They were all great and it was an amazing weekend, but i just felt more connected to that chapter. And it's become clear to me that I will not receive a bid from Delta Zeta, and yes that's disappointing, but I will still remain friends with the members outside of the Greek system. At first I wanted to go through recruitment and I wanted to get in so badly that I was willing to join any one that would take me. But that's not fair to myself, nor the sisters of the sorority.

I appreciate all of the things you guys have told me, so thank you.

This seems crazy because it is. But that doesn't mean that I'm making it up. This is what I have gone through. THESE THINGS HAPPEN! It happened to me. There isn't more to the story. This is it. And it sucks, but that's how it played out. The only thing that I ask is that you stop trying to play detective and find "holes" in my story. If this made sense and if it wasn't confusing, I would not be on a Greek site asking for opinions. I have no reason to lie or hold back information. You can choose to believe what you want.

But I believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't understand right now, but hopefully I will in the future. In the meantime, I'll get involved in other things on campus. Life is full of disappointments and I'm going to move on and handle rejection maturely. It isn't the end of the world.

Again, thank you for your replies! Many of you had very honest and helpful feedback and I appreciate it!

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

I have no reason to troll or lie. It honestly just feels like you guys are trying to "catch" me trolling so you can tell me how pathetic and/or stupid I am. I'm not trolling, okay? And I've decided that I won't be going through recruitment again, but I want to clear a few things up because although I have a lot of respect for the Greek System (I really wanted to be a part of it!) this actually happened to me, and in some ways, the system may be flawed. This is what I have went through for two years. It doesn't sound right because it isn't. But that doesn't mean that I came on here to mess with you guys. Check my profile out. I made my profile for this specific question because I wanted an honest answer, and I believe that many of you gave me one. So thank you.

I'm going to stop being so anonymous so that hopefully this makes more sense.

DISCLAIMER: I do not have a problem with any of these sororities. I have the utmost respect for these organizations and in no way am I trying to insult any of them. I'm simply clarifying!


First Year: Lived with a roommate. She is in Delta Zeta. I went through recruitment. On day 2, I was called back to DZ and Sigma Kappa. I did not list my legacy, I did not make it to preference.

Second Year: Day 2 I was called back to Delta Zeta, Zeta Tau Alpha, and Alpha Delta Pi (My legacy) I listed my legacy. Again, did not make it to preference.

Let a year go by. Just a few months ago I became friends with the Panhellenic President at my school. She asked me what I thought about going through recruitment again. She said she heard from a Rho Chi that I was offered a bid from Delta Zeta and turned it down my second year. I was shocked because I was not offered a bid and I would have loved to have been a DZ. This news also shocked her so she did some digging. So did I. I wanted to know what had happened. Did I really get a bid? That is when I found out about the letter that my former roommate wrote to somebody in the Greek System. i do not know to who, i never saw the letter, but it was written and submitted. This was confirmed. This information is technically confidential. I was only able to receive confirmation because I had heard about it from someone else elsewhere.

The PanPres talked to the Pres of DZ. The DZPres talked to my former roommate asking if she felt any differently and if they could extend me a bid (other DZ sisters were also telling the DZPres I should join) My former roommate said no, her feelings about me remained the same. I was told this by a DZ sister and mutual friend of mine who observed the conversation and it was later confirmed by members of the panhellenic council. Both Presidents looked into overriding it, but were apparently told it was "above their heads" and it was just "politics" and they are very very sorry.

I had no knowledge that this letter was written, but it was apparently written before my first recruitment. I had known this woman for less than three months at the time she wrote the letter. I was told (and it was later confirmed) that she believed I did not uphold the values and morals of sisterhood and threatened to drop if I were offered a bid. This is especially painful because we hardly knew each other well enough for her to make those judgements, and she was so nice to me the entire year. Never in a million years did I think she would do that. Especially because she was always telling me and everyone we met how "awesome" I was. I feel very betrayed, but there is nothing I can do except to move on. I did NOT read the letter, I have never seen it. I only know what I have been told by mutual friends and Greek "employees" at my school (not sure what to call it. Council members perhaps) who have CONFIRMED what I'm saying. These are not rumors, they are facts.

I really wanted to pledge Delta Zeta. I loved the other chapters, but I fit in more with Delta Zeta. Please don't think I'm dissing the other chapters or blaming them for not getting a bid. It's true what they say, "you just know." I only really felt that with DZ. They were all great and it was an amazing weekend, but i just felt more connected to that chapter. And it's become clear to me that I will not receive a bid from Delta Zeta, and yes that's disappointing, but I will still remain friends with the members outside of the Greek system. At first I wanted to go through recruitment and I wanted to get in so badly that I was willing to join any one that would take me. But that's not fair to myself, nor the sisters of the sorority.

I appreciate all of the things you guys have told me, so thank you.

This seems crazy because it is. But that doesn't mean that I'm making it up. This is what I have gone through. THESE THINGS HAPPEN! It happened to me. There isn't more to the story. This is it. And it sucks, but that's how it played out. The only thing that I ask is that you stop trying to play detective and find "holes" in my story. If this made sense and if it wasn't confusing, I would not be on a Greek site asking for opinions. I have no reason to lie or hold back information. You can choose to believe what you want.

But I believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't understand right now, but hopefully I will in the future. In the meantime, I'll get involved in other things on campus. Life is full of disappointments and I'm going to move on and handle rejection maturely. It isn't the end of the world.

Again, thank you for your replies! Many of you had very honest and helpful feedback and I appreciate it!

...

[BadCat25]

I probably have no right to give you advice as I am in a sorority and don't know the pain of being rejected twice but you have made the right decision not to try again. I really think you should move on and leave sorority life behind, no matter how hard this may be. Make non-greek friends and get involved in non-greek activities and remember that if your college is like most others the majority of students are not greek and have a great college experience. Just put the past behind you and move on with your life.

[gee_ess]

I believe your story. I'm sorry that the whole thing happened, and it sounds like you had a really hateful roommate. Some people use membership privilege as a weapon, and it sounds like that is what your roommate did. If it were me, I would want to know what the roommie found so appalling in my behavior, so I probably would ask her directly just to get it cleared up in my mind. But, I agree. You should not go through recruitment again.