Wait for spring or push for fall????

frat123 · #1 10-01-2011, 07:10 PM

So I rushed for several frats, but I pinpointed to one. My friend's dad wrote a letter of recommendation for me, because he is an old alumni there.

They didn't offer me a bid or anything after rush week is over, so I called them and I talked to one of the rush chairs. He knows my name due to the letter of rec.

We talked on the phone and he hinted that there's a possible I could do rush during the fall, but he recommended to re-rush during the spring, because there's just too many pledges this year. I hinted I wanted to rush during the fall, but I said I just wanted to do what's not stressful for you guys.

From there, I was like do you guys have like chill days that I can meet the bros. He was like ya I'll text you this weekend or next. So he forgot to text me last weekend, then I called him and he was like sorry I forgot to text you. Then he told me to come over dinner this week. So we made the plan.

I have dinner with the fraternity this upcoming week. I really really really want to join this fraternity. It's tier 1.

Few questions:

Did he really forget or just trying to brush me off?
What should I wear to the dinner? From head to toe.
Finally should I wait till spring or push for fall?

Thank You!

33girl · #2 10-01-2011, 08:21 PM

Even if there are "too many pledges" one more guy (who was recommended by an alumnus) isn't going to hurt. They could be trying to give you the brushoff, OR they could be waiting to see how committed you are to joining them, not just to being Greek. And even if you do wait till spring...they might still not give you a bid.

Keep looking into this group, but honestly? I would look into other fraternities too, including those that aren't

"tier 1."

You might not have the hugest social calendar, but you also might end up with brothers that actually like you and want you around, not ones that just gave you a bid so you'd STFU and stop bugging them about it.

jazing · #3 10-01-2011, 08:57 PM

There is no such thing as too many pledges. My pledgemaster was in a pledge class of 35, but mine is only 15. For fraternities, it really doesn't matter, as long as it doesn't double too fast.

frat123 · #4 10-01-2011, 09:24 PM

They have 50+ people already. That's huge!~ T.W.S.S

33girl · #5 10-01-2011, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

They have 50+ people already. That's huge!~ T.W.S.S

Well then that just tells me even more that the "too many" argument is bullshit. 1 more added to 50 is pretty much unnoticeable (as opposed to 1 more added to 10).

These guys don't want you. Look elsewhere.

frat123 · #6 10-01-2011, 09:42 PM

Thanks 33girl. I really appreciate your input, honestly. Big frats aren't really diverse either. I'm short and asian, but I'm foreign. Basically white washed tho.

I'll just play it by ear.
What would recommend me to wear?

I was thinking polo, khakis shorts? I don't have loafers, should I go out and buy some?

lucgreek · #7 10-02-2011, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

Thanks 33girl. I really appreciate your input, honestly. Big frats aren't really diverse either. I'm short and asian, but I'm foreign. Basically white washed tho.

I'll just play it by ear.
What would recommend me to wear?

I was thinking polo, khakis shorts? I don't have loafers, should I go out and buy some?

After the guy "forgot" to call you to hang, I would take the hint and let it go. I don't know your campus or how competitive greek life at your school is, but not getting a bid to this group despite a Letter of Rec from an alum at this chapter is pretty telling. You might want to join the group, but the group thinks you don't fit in.

Do you want to go Greek or do you want to only go Greek at this chapter? Did you receive bids to any of the other chapters you were looking at?

If I were you and wanted to go Greek, I'd look into chapters doing spring recruitment. From what you've wrote, the chapter you are currently pursuing doesn't really want you.

DeltaBetaBaby · #8 10-02-2011, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucgreek

After the guy "forgot" to call you to hang, I would take the hint and let it go. I don't know your campus or how competitive greek life at your school is, but not getting a bid to this group despite a Letter of Rec from an alum at this chapter is pretty telling. You might want to join the group, but the group thinks you don't fit in.

Do you want to go Greek or do you want to only go Greek at this chapter? Did you receive bids to any of the other chapters you were looking at?

If I were you and wanted to go Greek, I'd look into chapters doing spring recruitment. From what you've wrote, the chapter you are currently pursuing doesn't really want you.

DING DING DING! We have a winner!

frat123 · #9 10-02-2011, 05:00 PM

I honestly see where you guys are coming from, and you guys are probably right. One thing that boggles me is that why did he bothered to invite to dinner then? Is it to straight things out with me or give me one last shot to impress them. I got a bids from off campus frats, but not on campus.

lucgreek · #10 10-02-2011, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

I honestly see where you guys are coming from, and you guys are probably right. One thing that boggles me is that why did he bothered to invite to dinner then? Is it to straight things out with me or give me one last shot to impress them. I got a bids from off campus frats, but not on campus.

If you ask me, the guy is probably doing it because he feels bad or feels he has to because you received a rec. I've invited a PNM, who my chapter unanimously chose to not give a bid to, to hang out because I felt bad for him. Hanging out with him further cemented why he would not fit in.

Are these off campus groups without houses? Was there something wrong with them that made you not want to accept their bid? You really have to decide whether or not you want to go Greek. There is always spring rush, but I wouldn't waste my time with this group since they chose to not give you a bid. Pursue organizations where there is a mutual fit, not one where you are trying to make it fit.

frat123 · #11 10-02-2011, 09:40 PM

Should I even bother going to the dinner, because I don't want to be pitied.

DeltaBetaBaby · #12 10-02-2011, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

Should I even bother going to the dinner, because I don't want to be pitied.

I would go, but do your best to think critically about whether you really fit in there.

frat123 · #13 10-02-2011, 10:35 PM

I met several the brothers and they all seemed chilled. Majority of the on-campus and good fraternities are full of tall white guys. I'm a short (5'7'') Asian guy. I'm not foreign, and I enjoy playing sports. I think it's just an image thing. In general, most fraternities aren't really diverse. I don't want to pull the racist card but that's how I see it. It's going to be same at several fraternities that are on campus. It's very discouraging. I really want to join the fraternity, because I actually like it there and the guys are chill.

I don't him or the fraternity sound bad. They're really cool. The guy who invited me hinted I could join in Fall, but there's a lot of pledges. It's just that he PREFERS me to join during the Spring. He was like ya "re-rush during the spring, because there's less guys." I really want to believe he's being genuine about it, but I'm honestly not sure.

Btw I really appreciate everyone's input so far!!

33girl · #14 10-02-2011, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

I don't him or the fraternity sound bad. They're really cool. The guy who invited me hinted I could join in Fall, but there's a lot of pledges. It's just that he PREFERS me to join during the Spring. He was like ya "re-rush during the spring, because there's less guys." I really want to believe he's being genuine about it, but I'm honestly not sure.

Translation: The guy maybe does like you, but he 1) either has no clout in the fraternity or 2) is too much of a pussy to push for a guy who's not like the other guys to become a member. Either way, he figures "well, some guys will quit and some will graduate, and we might need men in the spring." Either way, he'll be pushing you down people's throats who probably don't want you there.

I personally wouldn't even bother with the dinner, but it's your call.

ETA: I just reread...you have bids from other fraternities? Take one of them. Quit bothering with these weenies. You will never feel comfortable or be truly welcomed. I'm sorry if it really is a racial thing, but better for you to know now rather than to find out later that they just took you to have a token Asian and make themselves "diverse."

Leslie Anne · #15 10-02-2011, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

Should I even bother going to the dinner, because I don't want to be pitied.

I would NOT go. You have to be honest with yourself here. If they wanted to give you a bid, they would have. I think you'll find yourself being very uncomfortable if you go.

It's already been said but, seriously, this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by frat123

I really really really want to join this fraternity. It's tier 1.

...is NOT a reason to join (or want to join) a fraternity.

I would either accept one of the bids you've already received or look into other fraternities where you might feel comfortable. Your goal should be
"I really really really want to join this fraternity. They're a great group of guys. I feel like they care about me and I can see us building friendships that will last a lifetime."

Good luck!