COB and how these bids work! - Page 2

amIblue? · #16 01-22-2015, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinksequins

Amiblue -- I think you mean "informal" the second time (to avoid any misunderstanding). : )

No, I meant formal rush. I said "you're not going through formal rush, so different rules apply."

33girl · #17 01-22-2015, 04:06 PM

What you can do is, if the events are from say 7-8, go to one event from 7-7:30 and the other from 7:30-8. Again, if a sorority gets upset that you want to go to multiple events, it might not be someplace you want to be. You have the right to explore all the options open to you. Just say that you have another engagement and excuse yourself politely.

bevinpiphi · #18 01-22-2015, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

By the way, two different sororities have their events on the same days and basically same times. Do they do this on purpose so that we have to choose??

Depending on the campus...possibly. Especially if those two groups are in competition with each other. I like the suggestion of going to one for the first half and one for the second half. On my campus, COB events were usually more open house than parties you had to go to for the whole time. Some chapters are different though, and run a bit more of a formal COB.

Titchou · #19 01-22-2015, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

By the way, two different sororities have their events on the same days and basically same times. Do they do this on purpose so that we have to choose??

Since the Greek Life office gave you such great info before, why don't you call and ask them about this? Ask what people normally do in order to attend both. Or maybe there will be a second event that you could attend. The GL office on YOUR campus knows best what works on YOUR campus!

robinseggblue · #20 01-22-2015, 08:06 PM

I would just attend one event from 7-7:25ish and the other from 7:35ish-8. Hopefully that gives you time to get from one house to the other.

Like 33girl suggested I'd politely say to the first house that I have to leave for a different engagement now and compliment them on their event. And for the second house, I'd just apologize for being late and say I had a previous engagement.

I would also have emailed the recruitment chairs of each chapter a couple of days before the parties to tell them that I am very interested, but I have a time conflict they should know about. That way I over all my bases, but I wouldn't say directly I was going to the other house.

MaryPoppins · #21 01-23-2015, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robinseggblue

I would just attend one event from 7-7:25ish and the other from 7:35ish-8. Hopefully that gives you time to get from one house to the other.

Like 33girl suggested I'd politely say to the first house that I have to leave for a different engagement now and compliment them on their event. And for the second house, I'd just apologize for being late and say I had a previous engagement.

I would also have emailed the recruitment chairs of each chapter a couple of days before the parties to tell them that I am very interested, but I have a time conflict they should know about. That way I over all my bases, but I wouldn't say directly I was going to the other house.

This sounds perfectly gracious! Best wishes for COB to OP!

DubaiSis · #22 01-23-2015, 11:15 AM

Any fool would know, but the socially polite way is to not blurt out the obvious. If they are uncouth enough to ask or have the temerity to be offended, then we have a whole different set of issues.

pinksequins · #23 01-24-2015, 07:35 AM

Breathe --- and stick with the game plan of using Spring recruitment to see if you would prefer to go through formal recruitment. While there are many advantages of informal recruitment, the disadvantage is staggered schedules. Keep the mantra of "Thank you but since I did not go through formal recruitment, it is important to meet as many houses as opportunity permits.".

That said, do not say anything about awkward or not "clicking" --- it rubs many the wrong way including on this board. Decline the bid that you wish to decline. For the other bid, since there are events at other houses next week, you might say that you are flattered but still have met only two of 100 houses. You might have to decline this bid and see what next week brings and thereafter you may find yourself going through formal next fall.

Whatever you do, do not feel pressured into accepting a bid as it will prevent you from fall recruitment. If you have to, just decline graciously. You might not receive a bid come fall from that chapter, but there may be 10 other chapters where you will.

Lastly, if you can, stop imagining scenarios. Use Sen's gracious line about to consider a bid. If the deadline is this this weekend, then you may need to decline. And be sweet but honest: "I like ya'll, but I only met two houses. I am feeling rushed in my decision which makes me a bit uncomfortable.". Then decline and move on. Accepting a bid to avoid hurting feelings is the wrong reason to accept.

DubaiSis · #24 01-24-2015, 10:15 AM

I'd also like to remind you that rush is like dating. There are always more guys out there and you can't date every one "just to be sure." If you like chapter 2, then accept it. If you want to wait another week or so, that's fine. But it's ok to make a commitment once you're happy. The beauty of informal rush is as soon as there's a match you can STOP, and get on with the business of building lifelong friendships. No, that doesn't mean you necessarily accept the first offer you get, but you can be happy forever with who you've got without having considered every last option.

33girl · #25 01-24-2015, 12:04 PM

I wish if there were going to be this many groups open bidding (and apparently bidding enough women that they're having events) that they'd get together and figure out a schedule so parties wouldn't overlap, and set a bid day. It's such unnecessary stress on the PNMs when it's a free for all, and I'm guessing the chapters probably feel it too.

Cheerio · #26 01-24-2015, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0nfusedpnm

Okay, so I let both chapters know that I wasn't ready to make a decision and they both told me that I would have 48 hours to decide.

The next event I had RSVP'd to go to doesn't happen until Tuesday...so now I really have a decision to make. Because if I want to meet any other houses I will have to decline both sororities that have offered me bids. This really sucks.

I agree with 33girl. I guess it's my fault for not going through formal but, it'd be nice since so many sororities are participating in COB that they had a specific date they'd give out bids.

I really like the first house but, I want to see the other houses too just so that I can be completely sure that they are the right one for me. I get the concept that you'll never not be in a "What if..." situation but, I wanted to see a little bit more before I up and decided. Joining a sorority is a huge time and financial commitment and I want to know that I'm making an informed decision.

You are wise to step away from posting here to think quietly about your next move. Your schoolwork needs to remain paramount, too.

DGTess · #27 01-24-2015, 03:47 PM

If you want to belong to a sorority, you have two already who have offered to help you do that.

33girl · #28 01-24-2015, 04:11 PM

If I wanted a pair of shoes I could walk a block from my house and get them at Dollar General. It doesn't mean they will be the ones that fit the best or wear the longest.

She's already told groups she would attend their events. To follow through on that commitment is the polite thing to do. I'm not sure why these sororities are trying to buffalo women into signing a bid before they're ready when they know full well there are other events going on.

pinksequins · #29 01-24-2015, 06:49 PM

33, I've seen this strategy and it is particularly stressful on PNMs, particularly those PNMs who have not participated in formal and are trying to give every house a chance.

Confused, B-R-E-A-T-H-E. It's okay. Now, per your other posts, it appears that the decision to decline one bid is pretty straightforward. As to the next decision, a couple of items to consider. First, there is no way in the universe to be completely sure about anything (the man to marry, the school to attend, the job to accept, the house to buy, whether the alternative minimum tax bracket will whack you). You simply have to make a decision on the best available information. Second, as you surmise correctly, your best available information is rather limited at the moment. Your choices accordingly are:

1. Accept and fully own the decision -- no "what ifs". Your attitude has to be "I like them, and listening to my gut, I like them. End of story."

2. Decline and attend the other groups' events. This means that you may not have another chance with the bidding group (at least this Spring and who knows in the fall.). It is the decision that you would rather come up empty handed this spring (but hopefully not) and give fall formal a shot.

If you have invitations/parties with the other five houses, then, yes, you will have to make a decision with limited information. Don't panic -- your moment of cclarity may come in the shower or standing in line at the dining hall.

FSUZeta · #30 01-24-2015, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

If I wanted a pair of shoes I could walk a block from my house and get them at Dollar General. It doesn't mean they will be the ones that fit the best or wear the longest.

She's already told groups she would attend their events. To follow through on that commitment is the polite thing to do. I'm not sure why these sororities are trying to buffalo women into signing a bid before they're ready when they know full well there are other events going on.

She accepted those invitations before she was offered a bid. It is not her fault that they waited a week to have a get-together. OP is under no obligation to attend those parties, as there is no guarantee that attending any one will culminate in a bid. However, should she accept the bid of the sorority that she likes, she should send an email to the chapters that have invited her to events this coming week, thanking them for the invitation and informing them that she will not be able to attend as she has accepted a bid from ABC sorority.

OP, we can't( and shouldn't ) tell you what to do. As you mull your possibilities, consider how your campus treats sophomores during formal recruitment-should you turn down these bids to attend the parties this week, only to not be offered a bid, or want to join a sorority from this coming week that does offer you one.Good luck!

FWIW, I have seen many campuses where informal recruitment was held over 2-3 weeks. The chapters set their own timetables, within that allotted time.

In response to why the first two sororities have already offered bids, they may have only a few spots to fill and want the pick of the crop. Why should they have to accommodate those sororities that chose not to hold parties a week later?