How do I tell my mother I do not want to go through recruitment?

[NutBrnHair]

Obviously, my feeling is that you should go through recruitment and see for yourself. You are making this decision before you've even experienced it for yourself and if I was your Mom -- that wouldn't seem fair.

That being said, IF you go through with your decision NOT to participate in recruitment. I would have the talk with your Mom sooner rather than later. Please don't have all of her friends go to the trouble of writing recommendations for you, only to discover that you never planned to even sign up.

[CaliforniainTx]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

This.



Quadruple this.

Does the OP have any idea how many Tri Delta legacies there are for these schools?

I have already acknowledged being a legacy has no huge significance. My point was that there are girls are not legacies and they would love to be or to have that sort of family history.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Does the OP have any idea how many Tri Delta legacies there are for these schools?

Come on... She is a triple legacy to THAT chapter with a sitting sister in the house. That's pretty special.

[CaliforniainTx]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Come on... She is a triple legacy to THAT chapter with a sitting sister in the house. That's pretty special.

I think she just means that I won't be the ONLY girl to be a legacy and that couldn't be any more true. I won't be the first or only, which is why Alabama recruitment is super competitive and I think most of the girls are legacies.

I didn't really mean to come across as I think I'm special for that, I just think the whole situation makes it worse on how I feel. It would be one thing if my mom was trying to live through me and make me go through recruitment, but I'm her second and last daughter and I know how happy she was when my sister went through recruitment and received a bid for DDD.

I mean, Preview Day is on March 24 and maybe my mind will change then, but as of now if it doesn't I don't want to drag everyone along.

[lovespink88]

I'm not sure if GreekChat is the place to get advice on how to tell your mom you're not interesting in joining. I mean, the overwhelming majority of members here are in a GLO or are considering joining one, so I think you'll find that you're going to see a lot more people pushing you towards giving it a try then telling you how to break the news.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Come on... She is a triple legacy to THAT chapter with a sitting sister in the house. That's pretty special.

Is her sister a sitting member at all three schools she mentioned that she has been accepted to? That IS pretty special.

She doesn't say where her sister is a member. Here's what she said:

She and my grandmother are Alumnae of Delta Delta Delta at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa and my sister is an active member of Delta Delta Delta.

OP - Either go through recruitment or don't. We are all members of GLOs, so we think you should at least give it a shot. Telling your parents that you don't want to do something that they want you to do is something you're going to have to learn how to do as an adult.

[CaliforniainTx]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Is her sister a sitting member at all three schools she mentioned that she has been accepted to? That IS pretty special.

She doesn't say where her sister is a member. Here's what she said:



OP - Either go through recruitment or don't. We are all members of GLOs, so we think you should at least give it a shot. Telling your parents that you don't want to do something that they want you to do is something you're going to have to learn how to do as an adult.

I should have been clearer with my situation.
I was accepted into Alabama, Ole Miss and TCU but my sister is currently a DDD at Alabama.
Going to another uni was never really an option for me.
My whole family is all about Alabama haha and growing up around Tide fans makes you really want to go there. I just brought that up...I'm not sure why.

[SydneyK]

I think you've gotten a lot of useful info here, and I'm not sure what else can be said. If you don't plan to go through recruitment, do your mom and her friends/sisters a favor and tell her before anyone goes through any trouble for you. If you're on the fence, commit to at least meeting all the groups before writing them all off - what have you got to lose?

[33girl]

Go to preview weekend. If you still aren't feeling it then, tell your mom, "Mom, I know this has been an awesome experience for you and sis, but I'm just not feeling it." However, do realize that if you don't rush this August, your chances at DDD or ANY sorority drop considerably. And therein lies the problem.

This is one of those times when I hate hate hate HATE pre-freshman rush more than usual. The OP didn't say this, but it kind of seems like she's afraid of just getting swallowed up into DDD or Greek life in general whether she wants that or not, without a chance to make choices that are truly her own. If she had a semester or a year to try out campus life as an independent, without feeling like that would scuttle her chances, it might help tremendously.

My understanding about recs in this type of situation was that they would kind of be like Christmas cards - women would write them up for her whether she rushed or not. I'm sure it's much easier to do them for someone you already know.

[OneHeartOneWay]

At this point, it probably doesn't matter anyway. You have given away enough information (current sister, familial ties, out of state, and class rank) that DDD at Alabama (or any of the other schools) will be able to figure out who you are. You've made it perfectly clear that you are incapable of making adult decisions and even more importantly, that you have NO DESIRE to join their group. In fact, you can't even articulate a reason why, you just know that you don't want to be one of them. So, if you want the easy answer, go through *rush* and let DDD drop you, then instead of disappointing your mom yourself, you can let her blame the sorority she so dearly loves and possibly taint her memories of something so beloved to her. Yep, that's definitely the way to go...

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by OneHeartOneWay

At this point, it probably doesn't matter anyway. You have given away enough information (current sister, familial ties, out of state, and class rank) that DDD at Alabama (or any of the other schools) will be able to figure out who you are. You've made it perfectly clear that you are incapable of making adult decisions and even more importantly, that you have NO DESIRE to join their group. In fact, you can't even articulate a reason why, you just know that you don't want to be one of them. So, if you want the easy answer, go through *rush* and let DDD drop you, then instead of disappointing your mom yourself, you can let her blame the sorority she so dearly loves and possibly taint her memories of something so beloved to her. Yep, that's definitely the way to go...

This.

[AOII Angel]

Wow...that was harsh. Anyway, to the OP, just because your family members have all been DDDs and have had one experience in Greek Life at Bama doesn't mean that is the only experience. There are so many great things about Greek Life that could enrich your experience in college. While it might disappoint your mom that you wouldn't be her sister, going through recruitment and finding a chapter that fits YOU and would give you a sense of belonging on a large campus may be great experience for you. I know what it is like to feel like you are being pushed to be like an older sibling and your mom even though you know you aren't the same. For me it was a professional issue not a sorority thing, but sometimes finding the right thing for you doesn't have to be a complete divorce from the system...cutting your nose off to spite your face, so to speak. You say you are athletic and more laid back. That sounds like my chapter in college. We won every intramural sporting event and philanthropy sporting competition you can think of. I wasn't into that, but a lot of my sisters were. Not all chapters are girly. The whole point of recruitment is to figure out where you fit best. You might find out that DDD is where you fit...or it might be in another organization. You won't know if you don't go through recruitment. If nothing feels right, you can always drop out. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with you feeling unsure about this if you think sorority women are all like your family members and you aren't like them.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

That being said, IF you go through with your decision NOT to participate in recruitment. I would have the talk with your Mom sooner rather than later. Please don't have all of her friends go to the trouble of writing recommendations for you, only to discover that you never planned to even sign up.

I would have a discussion with her about this anyway... Again, sooner rather than later. I think you should at least warn her that it isn't your lifelong dream to be a DDD. It might turn out that you realize this IS what you want, but if it doesn't, you don't want her to be completely blindsided if/when you don't sign up for recruitment.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Go to preview weekend. If you still aren't feeling it then, tell your mom, "Mom, I know this has been an awesome experience for you and sis, but I'm just not feeling it." However, do realize that if you don't rush this August, your chances at DDD or ANY sorority drop considerably. And therein lies the problem.

This is one of those times when I hate hate hate HATE pre-freshman rush more than usual. The OP didn't say this, but it kind of seems like she's afraid of just getting swallowed up into DDD or Greek life in general whether she wants that or not, without a chance to make choices that are truly her own. If she had a semester or a year to try out campus life as an independent, without feeling like that would scuttle her chances, it might help tremendously.

Very true. It can be intimidating to think that you're jumping into friendships on day negative 5 into your college career, and that you'll have to hang out with the same girls for 4 years. Many people don't want that. And they don't want the SEC sorority experience. I'm pretty sure I would have hated sorority life if that was the only experience I could have had. But some girls love it, even when they don't know it beforehand. There are so many different scenarios that could play out. And if you were going to any other school, I'd probably tell you not to worry about Greek life in semester/year one. However, you're planning to attend a school where, for the most part, you have to decide before day 1 of class whether or not you intend to join a sorority.

Just think things through before you dismiss it completely. However, if that's ultimately what you decide to do, then I hope you get involved in other ways. College is a great place to create lifelong friendships, regardless of whether or not you're a member of a Greek organization.

Originally Posted by OneHeartOneWay

At this point, it probably doesn't matter anyway. You have given away enough information (current sister, familial ties, out of state, and class rank) that DDD at Alabama (or any of the other schools) will be able to figure out who you are. You've made it perfectly clear that you are incapable of making adult decisions and even more importantly, that you have NO DESIRE to join their group. In fact, you can't even articulate a reason why, you just know that you don't want to be one of them. So, if you want the easy answer, go through *rush* and let DDD drop you, then instead of disappointing your mom yourself, you can let her blame the sorority she so dearly loves and possibly taint her memories of something so beloved to her. Yep, that's definitely the way to go...

Uh... Seriously? Calm down. It's not THAT serious. Don't freak the OP out. I'm sure every one of us has had a time in our lives when we've worried about telling our parents one thing or another because it might disappoint them.

[keyplayer]

I'll be the first to admit I only went through recruitment because my mother really wanted me to. I'm at an SEC school, and also something of "guy's girl". I can honestly say joining Kappa has been one of the best experiences of my life. There are a lot of other tomboys in the house and I've never felt pressured to change myself for my sisters. That being said, if you don't fit in at your legacy house, don't join. If you don't feel right about it, then it might not be for you, but that doesn't mean there isn't a right house for you. Non-girlie girls certainly can be Greek, and going Greek has introduced me to some some awesome guy friends as well as girl friends.

[melindawarren]

I'm pretty girly, but I'm not really like a "sorority girl" (I hate classifying people like that, but it seems to make sense here) in any other way-at all. I just liked the people. So I say at least check it out! You may find girls you really click with and are proud to call sisters.