PNM's: Advice about keeping an open mind

NYCMS · #1 07-29-2018, 04:34 PM

If you're a PNM, please consider the following...

Nowadays I hear about many girls who wind up accepting a bid from a house they "don't like" and perhaps even feel "better than." But they hung in rush and took the bid then sometimes want to quit rather quickly. A few things to consider:

1) When you show up on Bid Day to your new sisters, don't be Debbie Downer. I get that you might be less than thrilled, but you need to know that you got a bid because those sisters WANTED you. I've heard of stories about girls being in tears, acting cold and upset, etc. when they show up. Even worse, I've heard of girls so disappointed in their bid that they don't show up at all. Be gracious when you show up, even if you are disappointed.

2) The most thrilling part of Bid Day is when the rush chairman reads off the list of girls who will become our new sisters. If only you could hear the squeals of excitement as we hear each girl's name called out! We CHOSE you and we're thrilled to have you "come home" to our chapter.

3) Regarding the fixation some girls have on tiers, realize this: Every house is the same - a group of young women who've come together to support each other in sisterhood. Every sorority was founded at a time when there was little support for women at colleges so the founders of your sorority took great effort and courage to form their group. The only real difference between sororities? The letters we wear.

4) Every house has fantastic members. There were girls in every sorority on my campus that I would have been proud to call a sister and many I wished I could. I believe you could take a bunch of girls from every house, create a new sorority and you wouldn't be able to pick out which house/tier anyone was in.

5) Bonding doesn't happen overnight so just because "you're not feeling it" doesn't mean it won't change. I know your generation has grown up in the era of technology where things happen instantly and for some of you, that can mean it's been harder to develop strong skills at "waiting". Even decades ago not all of us "felt it" immediately. It wasn't until I was initiated - which was 2nd semester back then - that I felt truly part of my house. And you must put in the effort: I took every opportunity to be at the house - formal dinner, lunches, studying, just hanging out since that helped me get to know girls. Chapters were smaller back then than on many campuses now (mine included)- we had 150 girls - so it was easier to get to know girls, but the point is that it takes consistent effort and putting yourself out there.

6) Give every house a chance. Give up being fixated on a tier or specific house - that's a sure way to derail your rush; actives easily pick up on your dis-interest. You might just be surprised at who you fall in love with and where your "home" can be found if you're really open.

Best of luck to each of you - I hope you find a home that you can love just as I did. It can and will take work, but oh it is so worth it!

FSUZeta · #2 07-29-2018, 08:00 PM

Yes, yes, yes!

phoenix16 · #3 07-30-2018, 01:28 AM

Amen! I never would have chosen to join my chapter after the first round of recruitment, but by the end I was hooked. It took spending time with sisters and being involved to turn the sorority from a group of women into a family! After my first recruitment as an active, I was heartbroken to see our chapter endure trash talk and to be waiting for women on bid day only to have them show up in tears, or not at all. Yes, not all women would fit into our chapter, but it hurts to have your open arms and love spurned. The women who gave us a chance and then dropped for whatever reason are often still friends with women in the chapter. There aren't any hard feelings if that's honestly what you feel you need to do after giving the chapter (any chapter!) some time.

KSUViolet06 · #4 07-30-2018, 04:38 PM

If you are sad AF at every single event do not be surprised if people stop trying to interact with you after awhile. This is a 2 way street and people will eventually be like "what is her issue?"

mkaytay · #5 07-30-2018, 05:35 PM

Many PNMs don't realize that to "do better" in going through again as a sophomore they'd have to either get to know a tooooooon of actives during their freshman year who love them, really get their GPA up (if that was the issue), or change their personality significantly. It is possible, but it's not likely.

Also, you'd miss out on so much wonderful stuff freshman year. Give your chapter a shot!

KSUViolet06 · #6 07-30-2018, 08:20 PM

Being very honest about going through a second time:

Going through again rarely yields a "better" result. (better meaning a chapter you really really wanted.)

If you got cut from the top 5 most popular chapters as a freshman and did not like the smaller or less popular chapters on your invite list (and really only wanted those 5), then you need to really really think about going through again because ---

your top 5 most popular or dream chapters are DEFINITELY not taking you as a sophomore repeat rusher.

They are not. At these competitive huge recruitments, the sophomore they take is usually not a cut girl from last year. It's a girl they already know (from sports, camp, activities, etc.) who maybe did not rush as freshman for whatever reason. Not usually a repeat.

I saw like 2 repeats get bids ever, one had a ton of friends in the chapter she ended up joining and the other danced with half the chapter she got a bid to.

So if you're not willing to consider chapters you did not consider the first time, don't even.

NYCMS · #7 07-30-2018, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mkaytay

Many PNMs don't realize that to "do better" in going through again as a sophomore they'd have to either get to know a tooooooon of actives during their freshman year who love them, really get their GPA up (if that was the issue), or change their personality significantly. It is possible, but it's not likely.

Also, you'd miss out on so much wonderful stuff freshman year. Give your chapter a shot!

I also don't think they realize (even when told) how low the odds are of getting a bid their sophomore year if they're at a really competitive Greek system school like SEC colleges or Texas, etc. Or if they do get a bid 2nd time around, it's often from the same house - the one they snubbed - as in their freshman year.

Cheerio · #8 07-31-2018, 08:39 PM

Wanting to be someone you are not wastes precious time and energy.

Accept the fact the initiated members of any group have more insight than you do into their life-long membership structure, plans, responsibilities and requirements. They understand, from their recruited knowledge about you, whether you fit into their forever home.

You are being chosen because you want to give of yourself, and they in turn will want you to give time and talent to them and their philanthropies.

Maybe you were that lucky pnm who had a full schedule for every round...great! But you can still only belong to one home.

Sometimes it's hard to make a choice where you want to be, but life is a series of choices and living successfully after you make them is your goal.

Be the sister who joins honestly, stays because she is needed, and forever lives her sorority creed/values with a strong and useful purpose.