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  #16  
Old 12-11-2008, 10:22 PM
AGDee AGDee is offline
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With my ex, it was part selfishness and part of his refusal to be "on a schedule" on weekends. He hates having to be a certain place at a certain time on weekends and hates planning ahead when it comes to leisure time. To him, leisure time means you do what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. It's his rebellion against having to always be on time and be in meetings at certain times all week long at work, he claims. It IS very selfish though because there is no regard for the other person's time. But, that's my ex. He eats what he feels like eating, even if it's not what I had prepared for dinner (he would actually go get take out when I'd cooked a perfectly good meal that he usually likes just because "I feel like Mexican tonight instead of chicken". ARG! It made me nuts. He flies by the seat of his pants whenever it's not absolutely necessary (like for work).
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  #17  
Old 12-11-2008, 11:06 PM
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honeychile honeychile is offline
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I tend to run late (mostly due to my job) and I have both a great friend & a great guy who also run late. Here's what I suggest:

1) Decide if he's worth it. That's something nobody but you can decide. Does he run late to work? School? Church? Other non-reschedulable events?

2) Get him a watch for Christmas, and/or an alarm clock. Some watches come with alarms - you could set a time for "call MTSUGurl".

3) Talk about it to him. Tell him your frustrations, and let him know that others are talking about it. Let him know that this could be a deal breaker. DO NOT lecture him; if he's over 15, he's heard it all before, and all he'll hear is "You always run late blah blah blah blah".

4) Set reasonable limits.

5) KEEP THEM!

6) Re-evaluate after a couple weeks.

Good luck!
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  #18  
Old 12-11-2008, 11:34 PM
preciousjeni preciousjeni is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AKA_Monet View Post
Gwirlfriend...

If he thinks of you in the last minute, he will treat you like the last minute...

What are you willing to tolerate from this man? Is his pee-pee worth it?
LOL! It always seems to be.
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  #19  
Old 12-12-2008, 12:17 AM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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He's late for EVERYTHING. Church, us going to dinner at his mama's house, you name it. Except for work and the Bible study he led for so long. Everything else he's late for.
He's completely considerate in any other way that you can think of, so it's not a dealbreaker but it is REALLY annoying.
I can put up with it most of the time. I've talked to him about it and he does well for a couple of weeks, then it starts getting bad again. I just don't want to be a nag. But if that's what it takes, so be it I guess.
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  #20  
Old 12-12-2008, 02:35 AM
cheerfulgreek cheerfulgreek is offline
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Originally Posted by MTSUGURL View Post
My boyfriend is ALWAYS late for our plans. I'm not talking 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or even 15 minutes. I'm talking most times it's 1-2 hours. How do I deal with this? I've had people tell me to just leave the house and go somewhere when I've waited 20 minutes, I've had people tell me to just say I don't want to go anymore, and I've had people tell me to just start running on Joey time, meaning don't even start getting ready until it's time for us to leave. Help! I love this man to distraction but this is REALLY irritating me.
I would talk to him about it and tell him that it bothers you. Does he even know that it bothers you?
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  #21  
Old 12-12-2008, 03:09 AM
PANTHERTEKE PANTHERTEKE is offline
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Does he even know that it bothers you?
Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.
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  #22  
Old 12-12-2008, 06:35 AM
kddani kddani is offline
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I had a friend who was like this, drove me insane because I'm a very prompt person. NEVER on time.

It's kind of funny- it resolved itself when we graduated from school and she got out in the real world. A lot of times now she beats me places!

Being chronically late is being chronically rude to those who are stuck waiting for you. The occasional late is fine- stuff happens. But if it's constant, it's just rude. There's no excuse for it, it's preventable, it's something done by choice.
It says to whomever you're meeting that they're not important enough and that their time is worth less than yours.

Again, no excuse for it, it's just plain rude and inconsiderate. This would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. It also says something about his level of responsibility if he can't get his shit together to be on time for you.

Good luck pulling that in the real world! "But boss, I can't help being late every day!".

Buy him a watch, an alarm clock, then kick his behind to the curb!
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  #23  
Old 12-12-2008, 03:34 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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i strongly suggest talking to him about it now. That way, he knows that it bothers you and he can't say "well I didn't know you cared that I was late." Talking about does not mean you're being a nag, you're simply bringing up something he does that bothers you.

If after you talked to him about it he is still late, then I think you should re-think your relationship with him.

I mean think about it, if he is 1-2 hours late for your dates and stuff now, and you DON'T say anything, he's just going to keep doing it. He'll continue to not respect your time and you'll continue to be upset.

And think about it this way: Would you want to be married to someone who is chronically late? He'd be the husband who shows up at couple's dinner plans when dinner is OVER and everyone is getting dessert. Or the guy who makes you miss the Broadway show that you really wanted to see for your anniversary. Who wants that?
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  #24  
Old 12-12-2008, 06:14 PM
fantASTic fantASTic is offline
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I'll tell you what works - if you have plans to meet up, and he's late, leave. Tell him you will wait 15 minutes after your agreed upon time and if you do not get a phone call with a REASONABLE excuse (flat tire, emergency situation out of his control sort of thing) then you are leaving. If he is coming to your place, don't let him in if he's late. Pretty soon he will be on time because he will want to see you.
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  #25  
Old 12-13-2008, 02:36 AM
sceniczip sceniczip is offline
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what does he do that's 1-2 hours late?! I could understand being a little late or even way late if you get wrapped up in something else and don't notice the time or w/e but that's something serious that you need to talk about with him. Tell him how much it bothers you and why. Agree to only wait for so long and then leave, he might get the message then.

On the telling him an earlier time thing... we did that in my chapter because girls were constantly late so they started telling us an earlier time and threatening that they would take attendance then and deadbolt the door etc... well eventually the girls who were late figured it out (after like 1 time) and now are still late.

Lateness is my pet peeve so I probably have a bit stronger opinion about it. But you should definitely sit down and talk to him about it because your friends might start to get upset with you too if you're constantly late, like if you guys want to go see a movie or something.
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  #26  
Old 12-14-2008, 01:53 AM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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He does know it bothers me - I've definitely talked to him about it. And when I talk to him about it he improves... for about a week. Generally we drive separately because of this, because I refuse to be late because of him if our plans include other people. The other day when he was nearly two hours late, I called him and asked if he had forgotten our plans. Not only had he forgotten our plans, but he had forgotten that I was off work and was actually waiting for me to call him on my lunch break. It's like there's a complete disconnect somewhere in his brain. When I told him, It's nearly 1:30 and you were supposed to be here at noon he freaked out and immediately left for my place.

On the flip side of things - this is a guy that plans surprise evenings in great detail, spends lots of time listening to me, does things like bring me ice cream when I have a bad day, wants to talk more than any man I've ever met in my life, and is just basically a sweet, intelligent, hilarious, thoughtful in ever other way man. That, and not his "pee pee" as someone so eloquently put it, is what makes him worth it. Like I said, it's not a deal breaker (partially because it's not just me he's late for,) but it is annoying.
I like the leave if he's not there solution. We'll see how that goes...
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  #27  
Old 12-14-2008, 02:04 AM
VandalSquirrel VandalSquirrel is offline
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Originally Posted by MTSUGURL View Post
He does know it bothers me - I've definitely talked to him about it. And when I talk to him about it he improves... for about a week. Generally we drive separately because of this, because I refuse to be late because of him if our plans include other people. The other day when he was nearly two hours late, I called him and asked if he had forgotten our plans. Not only had he forgotten our plans, but he had forgotten that I was off work and was actually waiting for me to call him on my lunch break. It's like there's a complete disconnect somewhere in his brain. When I told him, It's nearly 1:30 and you were supposed to be here at noon he freaked out and immediately left for my place.

On the flip side of things - this is a guy that plans surprise evenings in great detail, spends lots of time listening to me, does things like bring me ice cream when I have a bad day, wants to talk more than any man I've ever met in my life, and is just basically a sweet, intelligent, hilarious, thoughtful in ever other way man. That, and not his "pee pee" as someone so eloquently put it, is what makes him worth it. Like I said, it's not a deal breaker (partially because it's not just me he's late for,) but it is annoying.
I like the leave if he's not there solution. We'll see how that goes...
Since you said he completely forgot, perhaps he needs a reminder of some sort. Does he have a phone that has a planner function or an iPod with a planner/calendar function? Even my email program has a planner feature with pop up reminders. Once I started utilizing all these things (iPod and email) with my paper planner I've never forgotten or spaced anything. I even put minute crap in there like putting the trash out on the curb because I've actually forgotten.

The one issue would be remembering to sync the electronic items or enter the info.
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  #28  
Old 12-15-2008, 02:19 PM
SydneyK SydneyK is offline
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Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel View Post
Since you said he completely forgot, perhaps he needs a reminder of some sort.
Unless his schedule is so packed that he needs to set alarms in order to remember things you've planned, then that's too much work for the OP. And if his schedule is that full, then maybe now isn't the best time for him to have a girlfriend anyway.

Seriously OP, you're his girlfriend not his secretary. You're not responsible for him - he is. smh

Oh, and if you like the idea of leaving if he isn't where he has agreed to be at the time he agreed to be there, then why put up with it at all? If you're going to leave without him anyway (and it sounds like you would after a week or so), then why bother dealing with all this crap? I just don't get it.
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  #29  
Old 12-15-2008, 08:24 PM
PeppyGPhiB PeppyGPhiB is offline
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Originally Posted by MTSUGURL View Post
My boyfriend is ALWAYS late for our plans. I'm not talking 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or even 15 minutes. I'm talking most times it's 1-2 hours. How do I deal with this? I've had people tell me to just leave the house and go somewhere when I've waited 20 minutes, I've had people tell me to just say I don't want to go anymore, and I've had people tell me to just start running on Joey time, meaning don't even start getting ready until it's time for us to leave. Help! I love this man to distraction but this is REALLY irritating me.
My boyfriend used to do this. I had a couple serious talks with him, telling him that it came across as very selfish and unthoughtful, and that it was embarrassing for me (he would be late for family gatherings). I told him that he needed to seriously work on it or we would be done. That was enough to wake him up, and he's gotten much better. You should talk to him about it.
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  #30  
Old 12-15-2008, 08:27 PM
VandalSquirrel VandalSquirrel is offline
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Originally Posted by SydneyK View Post
Unless his schedule is so packed that he needs to set alarms in order to remember things you've planned, then that's too much work for the OP. And if his schedule is that full, then maybe now isn't the best time for him to have a girlfriend anyway.

Seriously OP, you're his girlfriend not his secretary. You're not responsible for him - he is. smh

Oh, and if you like the idea of leaving if he isn't where he has agreed to be at the time he agreed to be there, then why put up with it at all? If you're going to leave without him anyway (and it sounds like you would after a week or so), then why bother dealing with all this crap? I just don't get it.
I didn't mean that she should set the alarms or make the appointments, he'd still be responsible for that. Some people have time management problems related to issues such as ADD or something else (not saying that this is the case here) and such organized structure and reminders help them function.

Too much cognitive psychology on the brain...
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