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  #46  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:21 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
I honestly don't understand the whole "credit cards are evil" thing. Like anything else, you abuse them, and they'll abuse you right back. But, if you travel for business or require reimbursements on a regular basis, you almost have to have a credit card. Hell, get an Amex where you have to pay it off each month in full if you really don't want to deal with a typical "credit card."
Oh, I agree that you should be able to manage a credit card. But some people CAN'T, or don't want to. That's their prerogative. I was just giving some examples of why a married couple would maintain separate accounts.
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  #47  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:24 AM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
I think it causes a whole new set of problems when family members start asking to borrow money though.
Oh and WE KNOW. That's why it's out of the question except for certain extenuating circumstances. And the general rule is that his family can BORROW (hint: contract) from his account after he and I discuss it. But borrowing is a last resort because he is not into the lending business.

I don't believe in loaning grown adults money. Unless a medical emergency comes about that depletes a family members' accumulated wealth.

Last edited by DrPhil; 11-24-2008 at 10:26 AM.
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  #48  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:26 AM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
Oh, I agree that you should be able to manage a credit card. But some people CAN'T, or don't want to. That's their prerogative. I was just giving some examples of why a married couple would maintain separate accounts.
Oh, I was agreeing with you! I gave an example of a married couple with separate bank accounts to further drive it home. Then I went on my pro-credit card rant.
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  #49  
Old 11-24-2008, 11:41 AM
agzg agzg is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
Why even get married if you're still going to be doing things the way you were doing them when you weren't married?
I don't think banking is the reason why a couple should get married or that it should be a cause of contention between couples. There are still other reasons besides "we wanna live together" and "we wanna share money." For example, being able to cover one another under health insurance, being able to be with one another and to make decisions for each other (if need be) in the hospital, being able to inherit property without a will, etc.

There should be a difference between "share our lives" and "share our bank account." Like I said before, as long as the bulk of our income is going toward the household, I don't see why it should be a problem.

I'm confident that once we can afford a small wedding and the stuff that goes into it without throwing ourselves into debt, we will be getting married.
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  #50  
Old 11-24-2008, 01:18 PM
RU OX Alum RU OX Alum is offline
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Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam View Post
I don't think banking is the reason why a couple should get married or that it should be a cause of contention between couples.

...

I'm confident that once we can afford a small wedding and the stuff that goes into it without throwing ourselves into debt, we will be getting married.
I think you are right on about this. I already know a few couples that married before they were really ready, and then poof, marriage ended in a year or so. I hate seeing that. It's usually because they don't have enough life expeirence on their own and I really do wish more people my age would put off marriage until they are a bit more mature and sound, both emotionally and financially.
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  #51  
Old 11-24-2008, 01:31 PM
agzg agzg is offline
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I'm happy with the place we're in right now. I want to marry my boyfriend, I know he wants to marry me, but I figure we've got the rest of our lives together, why rush things?

Besides, I have a sinking feeling that this time that we're living together before we're married might be the only time without children. The pressure has already started from his mom (I think I mentioned that earlier), and as soon as we get married I'm sure the pressure will come from all sides to produce grandchildren. If we can't afford a wedding now, how would we ever afford children?

I'm happy to enjoy our "just us" time now. We see his mom every couple of weeks, I go home to see my family for holidays. I don't need the whole family up in my business that I know getting married and having kids would promote right now. Let me get a job first.
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  #52  
Old 11-24-2008, 01:39 PM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam View Post
There should be a difference between "share our lives" and "share our bank account." Like I said before, as long as the bulk of our income is going toward the household, I don't see why it should be a problem.
Exactly.
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  #53  
Old 11-24-2008, 01:41 PM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam View Post
Besides, I have a sinking feeling that this time that we're living together before we're married might be the only time without children. The pressure has already started from his mom (I think I mentioned that earlier), and as soon as we get married I'm sure the pressure will come from all sides to produce grandchildren. If we can't afford a wedding now, how would we ever afford children?
It doesn't matter what those people want. The timing and whether you two have children at all is solely based on you two (and with the children in mind).

Or maybe I'm the only one who believes in telling family members to fugg off and mind their own business. It's a masterful art.
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  #54  
Old 11-24-2008, 02:19 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Originally Posted by DrPhil View Post
It doesn't matter what those people want. The timing and whether you two have children at all is solely based on you two (and with the children in mind).

Or maybe I'm the only one who believes in telling family members to fugg off and mind their own business. It's a masterful art.
You're not alone...I think sometimes it comes down to having a few years and a few relationships under your belt.
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  #55  
Old 11-24-2008, 02:46 PM
agzg agzg is offline
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Originally Posted by DrPhil View Post
It doesn't matter what those people want. The timing and whether you two have children at all is solely based on you two (and with the children in mind).

Or maybe I'm the only one who believes in telling family members to fugg off and mind their own business. It's a masterful art.
We have told her in no uncertain terms that right now is not the right time, and that we'll let her know when the right time is.

Live-in told me later that "the right time" will be when we live far enough away from her that she'd have to call before coming over.

We'll probably be ready for kids by the time we get married, anyway.

She and I were talking last night about how horrible a house wife I make - she was a house wife since getting married (of course I didn't think about it before I said "I just don't think I'm cut out to be a house wife - it's not that I find the work hard it's just that I'm not great at planning meals!"). I don't think she was offended though - she offered a bunch of recipes that she knows my boyfriend likes. I told her that he will eat what I put in the table whether or not it was something that he wanted.

On the crappy family members thing, my boyfriend's brother said to me last night that "he can be as big a jerk to me as he wants and I can't do much about it." I looked at my boyfriend, he nodded, and I said "You can be as big a jerk as you want. Believe me. But I'll only tolerate it to the degree that my sense of humor can handle it. At that point, I'll be a big jerk right back to you."

My boyfriend nodded and said "Believe me, she's got you beat. She hasn't pulled her bitchiness out of her bag of tricks with you yet."

His brother's a great guy, he just pushes boundaries is all. He'll know where my boundaries are when he crosses them. Then he'll never cross them again!
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  #56  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:09 PM
cheerfulgreek cheerfulgreek is offline
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Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
If you travel a lot for business and use a debit card instead of credit cards.

If your spouse is a control freak. (Some people just ARE and it's nothing personal to the other person.)

If it's in the details of the prenup.

The days of putting money in the cookie jar for the little woman to "run the house" with are LONG gone. Most people just don't have lives like that anymore. Picture it: you're off for a business trip and your hubby is at home. Out of the blue his car breaks down, and you have to pay for dinner and a hotel room on your trip. Sometimes there isn't enough in the account to cover that and someone is going to bounce.
My future career won't require a lot of travel, but if I was married to a guy who had to travel a lot on business I would hope/think he would have a company card. I personally think credit cards should be used for emergencies only, and maybe for holidays, otherwise you're going into debt (if used for everyday things you can pay cash for) and high interest is too hard to pay off.

I agree, some people do marry control freaks, but I wouldn't. I think I'm controlling enough. (I'm kidding) But I'm not going to be controlled by some guy.

I dunno, it just seems like a prenup is saying that you're already going into marriage with negative thoughts. The "just in case" mentality.

My parents had a joint savings (that they wouldn't touch unless needed) and a joint checking. I agree, the homemaker days are long gone. I have dreams and goals and I wouldn't care if he had Bill Gates money, I'm not going to be anyone's "little woman" who cleans and takes care of the kids. That's something we will both do to help each other. If the car breaks down, and we can't use our checking, then that's what the joint savings account is for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
I honestly don't understand the whole "credit cards are evil" thing. Like anything else, you abuse them, and they'll abuse you right back. But, if you travel for business or require reimbursements on a regular basis, you almost have to have a credit card. Hell, get an Amex where you have to pay it off each month in full if you really don't want to deal with a typical "credit card."
I agree. I think it just depends on what works for you and your spouse.

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Originally Posted by DrPhil View Post
Oh and WE KNOW. That's why it's out of the question except for certain extenuating circumstances. And the general rule is that his family can BORROW (hint: contract) from his account after he and I discuss it. But borrowing is a last resort because he is not into the lending business.

I don't believe in loaning grown adults money. Unless a medical emergency comes about that depletes a family members' accumulated wealth.
But what if you discuss it and he disagrees with you? How would you handle that? I don't totally 100% agree with PB's thing on family issues, because it's a black or white, hot or cold, thing with him. However, I do agree with him about marrying into a family that really isn't educated or has jail/prison/bail out problems and doesn't have their own money. Those family members seem to want to borrow money from the members who have money, and then they never pay them back.

I was just saying as a hypothetical situation, what if a family member got themselves in some kind of trouble and wanted to borrow money from him? You would tell him to take it out of his own account?
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Last edited by cheerfulgreek; 11-24-2008 at 10:15 PM.
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  #57  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:14 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post

I was just saying as a hypothetical situation, what if a family member got themselves in some kind of trouble and wanted to borrow money from him? You would tell him to take it out of his account?


I have personally always felt like if your family member asks for money, it needs to come from your PERSONAL funds, not our joint accounts.
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  #58  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:17 PM
cheerfulgreek cheerfulgreek is offline
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Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 View Post
I have personally always felt like if your family member asks for money, it needs to come from your PERSONAL funds, not our joint accounts.
But for couples who don't believe in two separate accounts then it would have to come from the joint account.
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  #59  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:44 PM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam View Post
We have told her in no uncertain terms that right now is not the right time, and that we'll let her know when the right time is.

Live-in told me later that "the right time" will be when we live far enough away from her that she'd have to call before coming over.

We'll probably be ready for kids by the time we get married, anyway.

She and I were talking last night about how horrible a house wife I make - she was a house wife since getting married (of course I didn't think about it before I said "I just don't think I'm cut out to be a house wife - it's not that I find the work hard it's just that I'm not great at planning meals!"). I don't think she was offended though - she offered a bunch of recipes that she knows my boyfriend likes. I told her that he will eat what I put in the table whether or not it was something that he wanted.
It's good that you keep the lines of communication open. As long as they know when to leave you two the hell alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam View Post
On the crappy family members thing, my boyfriend's brother said to me last night that "he can be as big a jerk to me as he wants and I can't do much about it." I looked at my boyfriend, he nodded, and I said "You can be as big a jerk as you want. Believe me. But I'll only tolerate it to the degree that my sense of humor can handle it. At that point, I'll be a big jerk right back to you."

My boyfriend nodded and said "Believe me, she's got you beat. She hasn't pulled her bitchiness out of her bag of tricks with you yet."

His brother's a great guy, he just pushes boundaries is all. He'll know where my boundaries are when he crosses them. Then he'll never cross them again!
Let him know!!!! LOL

My rule is: You better tell them so I don't have to. I will have absolutely NO tact when I have to tell them.
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  #60  
Old 11-24-2008, 10:45 PM
DrPhil DrPhil is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
But for couples who don't believe in two separate accounts then it would have to come from the joint account.
You're clearly typing to people who do the separate accounts thing.

Household expenses and family-related expenses (OUR family--husband, wife, and kid) such as vacations: Joint account

Personal stuff such as personal trips, clothes, and in the rare event that HE (I wouldn't do it with my family nor would my family need my money) decides to help a stupid family member who gets in trouble: Separate account

Last edited by DrPhil; 11-24-2008 at 11:01 PM.
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