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  #1  
Old 10-26-2018, 05:39 PM
mangokitty mangokitty is offline
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Posts: 6
Thinking about dropping, not sure what to do

So Iíve been in my sorority for a little over a year. Iím a founding member. At the beginning, it was really fun. I made so many friends and I was very happy because thatís something I really struggled with in college. Itís been very hard for me to make friends. Well, long story short the majority of initiated members dropped, unfortunately. We went from 126 initiated members to about 50...my entire friend group dropped, aside from one girl, who no longer talks to me after moving in with the cliquiest (and meanest) group of girls in our sorority. She told me I canít come to her house because her roommates donít think Iím ďcool enoughĒ. Really? Are we in middle school?

Anyway, this semester has just been tough because Iíve been dealing with horrible anxiety and I couldnít even participate in most of formal recruitment because I kept having panic attacks and being super uncomfortable and obviously didnít want to reflect badly on our chapter to PNMs. I truly donít have any friends in my sorority and Iím such an outcast in my mind. It feels like everyone has their own group of friends already and itís very hard to infiltrate them...like Iíve hung out with a lot of the girls before because they knew I was struggling during recruitment. It feels like they were just trying to be nice (which I appreciate!) but didnít really wanna actually be friends because no one wanted to hang out again after that. The morale in the whole chapter kinda sucks honestly. Iím one of about 20 initiated members that actually show up to chapter every week.

Idk. Iím just on the fence because itís not doing anything for me at all right now and Iím not enjoying it. I dread going to chapter. I donít have any friends. My horrible anxiety keeps me from being able to be outgoing and likable, so no one really wants to talk to me and I just stand around awkwardly by myself. The restaurant I worked at just randomly shut down so Iím finding another job, I truly cannot afford dues I donít even know what Iím going to do or how Iím going to pay them. They told me even if I drop I still have to pay so I donít know what to do. It just feels like everythingís falling apart. I had asked about going inactive for a semester just so I can get things together without having to worry about events and dues and chapter etc all the time. But I guess my sorority does not do inactive, so it wasnít an option.

I just feel like if I drop, I might regret it and I know it might be able to open doors for me in the future. But at the same time Iím so overwhelmed and not enjoying it at all + the fact that I canít afford it right now. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.
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  #2  
Old 10-26-2018, 07:02 PM
APhi2KD APhi2KD is offline
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Posts: 157
First off, are you being treated for your anxiety?
I’m sorry you’re going through all this. My suggestion would be to be a friend and mentor to your new members and look for your place there. (And I do know how hard that is with anxiety.)
If your chapter is so low on actives, they (the new members) are probably disappointed in their sorority experience as well. Your involvement could make the difference for them and be a new start for you.

Last edited by APhi2KD; 10-26-2018 at 08:50 PM. Reason: Duh
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  #3  
Old 10-26-2018, 07:22 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Has your chapter received its charter? Is the national organization doing anything to remedy the problems? Thereís always some amount of attrition with colonies, because itís always more work than people think it will be, but losing almost 2/3 of the sorority and having less than half of the girls who are left be participatory is not normal. If they arenít helping your chapter out, and telling you things like you have to pay even if you quit, then quite frankly staying in for doors it might open in the future is probably not worth it.
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  #4  
Old 10-26-2018, 07:51 PM
NoDak NoDak is offline
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Posts: 29
Your story is not a unique one. The feelings of not feeling included or that you have a place in a chapter is a common one. It is difficult with new chapters because a group of women were brought together without getting to know each other beforehand. Even so. I am sorry that you are struggling. It breaks my heart to hear these stories.

I would suggest that you have a heart to heart with the President. She may have some ideas for you of who to hang out with more or a leadership role that you could own and probably thrive at. Chances are your President has heard from other women who feel left out. You all could join forces!

As an alumna, my experience in Greek Life grew exponentially after graduation and I was able to find and hang out with other alumnae from my organization. The alumnae experience is less stress and so much easier on your debit card. Sometimes it is worth it to get to your alumna status so you can fully utilize the national network that you have. I understand that the thought of roughing it out till graduation can seem daunting but something to think about.

Good Luck
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  #5  
Old 10-26-2018, 08:30 PM
KD4Me KD4Me is offline
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Posts: 217
Are you seeking treatment for your anxiety? It sounds like that is a big part of your problem. If the girls in your sorority were hanging out with you, just to be nice, doesn't that mean they are...nice?

I would urge you not to make any rash decisions in your current mindset. You feel like everything is falling apart, which is a very general statement about EVERYTHING in your life. This is not the time to make a decision that you cannot reverse.

I encourage you to check out the counseling center on campus to help you work through some of the things that you are going through. Things will get better.
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  #6  
Old 10-26-2018, 08:59 PM
mangokitty mangokitty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by APhi2KD View Post
First off, are you being treated for your anxiety?
Iím sorry youíre going through all this. My suggestion would be to be a friend and mentor to your new members and look for your place there. (And I do know how hard that is with anxiety.)
If your chapter is so low on actives, they (the new members) are probably disappointed in their sorority experience as well. Your involvement could make the difference for them and be a new start for you.
Thank you. Yes I'm being treated. Just not improving much right now. I want to help the new members and that's one of the reasons I didn't want to quit. Because I want to help the chapter and make sure it doesn't die off... but I just feel like I'm not a very good mentor for them because I'm not secure in myself right now. It's hard for me to keep conversation flowing and I have no friends so it's difficult to talk to them in the first place as they're all gathered in their own groups and sit in a separate area than initiated members at chapter.
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  #7  
Old 10-26-2018, 09:00 PM
mangokitty mangokitty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
Has your chapter received its charter? Is the national organization doing anything to remedy the problems? There’s always some amount of attrition with colonies, because it’s always more work than people think it will be, but losing almost 2/3 of the sorority and having less than half of the girls who are left be participatory is not normal. If they aren’t helping your chapter out, and telling you things like you have to pay even if you quit, then quite frankly staying in for doors it might open in the future is probably not worth it.
Yes we have our charter. To be honest, I'm not sure if nationals is doing anything about it. I'm not an officer or anything so I haven't heard much on the inside I guess. But so far no one has addressed the fact that members are dropping like flies. We do have a leadership consultant and some other alumnae members who help out though and make sure chapter and ritual goes correctly. I'm not sure if they've discussed it with the president/officers though.
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  #8  
Old 10-26-2018, 09:03 PM
mangokitty mangokitty is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoDak View Post
Your story is not a unique one. The feelings of not feeling included or that you have a place in a chapter is a common one. It is difficult with new chapters because a group of women were brought together without getting to know each other beforehand. Even so. I am sorry that you are struggling. It breaks my heart to hear these stories.

I would suggest that you have a heart to heart with the President. She may have some ideas for you of who to hang out with more or a leadership role that you could own and probably thrive at. Chances are your President has heard from other women who feel left out. You all could join forces!

As an alumna, my experience in Greek Life grew exponentially after graduation and I was able to find and hang out with other alumnae from my organization. The alumnae experience is less stress and so much easier on your debit card. Sometimes it is worth it to get to your alumna status so you can fully utilize the national network that you have. I understand that the thought of roughing it out till graduation can seem daunting but something to think about.

Good Luck
Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts & input!
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  #9  
Old 10-26-2018, 09:06 PM
mangokitty mangokitty is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by KD4Me View Post
Are you seeking treatment for your anxiety? It sounds like that is a big part of your problem. If the girls in your sorority were hanging out with you, just to be nice, doesn't that mean they are...nice?

I would urge you not to make any rash decisions in your current mindset. You feel like everything is falling apart, which is a very general statement about EVERYTHING in your life. This is not the time to make a decision that you cannot reverse.

I encourage you to check out the counseling center on campus to help you work through some of the things that you are going through. Things will get better.
I am receiving treatment. I also regularly go to individual + group counseling at my school. I'm really trying to improve. It's just not working very well for me sadly. I never said the girls weren't nice. They're very nice. The thing is that I had reached out to the president concerning my anxiety and I'm pretty sure she sent out some kind of mass text because a ton of girls texted me immediately to hang out. And it was very nice! It's just that I've reached out to them since and no one really seems interested in hanging out again, and none of them reach out to me either. So it kinda just feels like it was a pity thing, and they don't really want to be friends with me. which i understand. I'm struggling mentally and I'm probably not that fun to hang out with because my anxiety keeps me on edge all the time. I can't relax and constantly worried I'm going to say something wrong.

Last edited by mangokitty; 10-26-2018 at 09:11 PM.
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  #10  
Old 10-27-2018, 02:14 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Is your LC live in or does she just come for meetings? Tell her in no uncertain terms that the cliques and apathy are destroying the sorority, and that you joined looking for a support system and got the exact opposite. If things keep going the way they are, your question might be moot as there will be no chapter left to drop out of.
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