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  #16  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:03 PM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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Originally Posted by LightnAiry View Post
And I would love to do fun events with them but all that's on their minds seems to be parties and alcohol.
LightnAiry, how many girls are in your pledge class? Surely there's at least one or two girls who doesn't want to only drink. Or maybe a few girls who drink very lightly.

Last edited by NYCMS; 09-08-2017 at 08:15 PM.
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  #17  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:08 PM
jolene jolene is offline
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Originally Posted by LightnAiry View Post
I applied for a position but won't find out if I got it for a while. And I would love to do fun events with them but all that's on their minds seems to be parties and alcohol.

They said that its not fun to be sober at a tailgate, I said I do it all the time, and their first response was that I had a high tolerance for "bulls***" and some joked that the day I get black out from drinking they would videotape it. I love them already they're funny and nice but I feel like an outsider a lot of the time.
You'll find your spot. I didn't drink when I was in college and I had some sisters who didn't drink or barely drank. However, I loved attending parties, flirting, hanging with friends, dancing, etc. Is your chapter large? If so, it's easier to search out a niche.
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  #18  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:17 PM
LightnAiry LightnAiry is offline
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Originally Posted by NYCMS View Post
LightnAiry, how many girls are in your pledge class? Surely there's at least ONE girls who doesn't want to only drink.
There are about 54 of us, including myself. You'd be surprised that nearly every single one I spoke to like going out, drinking, and partying. Even girls I never thought would want to, some because they'd never done it before. I will admit that haven't spoken to all of them, but the ones who may not be up for that stuff don't go to the house, aren't participating in our first philanthropy event, and don't really talk to the rest of us.
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  #19  
Old 09-08-2017, 10:35 PM
ISUKappa ISUKappa is offline
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In a class of 54, you will be able to find a few you can connect with. Chances are, some of them are just saying that they like to go out and party only to feel like they fit in, but given a choice would rather not - or at least not every night. Also, those few who aren't going to the house or participating in the philanthropy might need that extra push to get involved and feel like they are a part of the chapter. Those might be the introverts who aren't comfortable hanging out in a big group, but get them one-on-one or in a small group and they open up.

Are you the only sophomore in your pledge class? For some of these women, it's also their first experience on their own, away from parents. The first month or so might be a constant party (or feel that way) while they get that out of their system, so to speak. Things will settle down.

My pledge class was the farthest thing from cohesive. There was a group of about 8 (out of a class of 25) who seemed to bond right away, and if you weren't part of their group, they really didn't associate with you. The rest of us just kind of did our own thing in small groups, but they were fluid. I became friends with older girls in the house, and as I got older, I found friends in the younger pledge classes. And I learned how to deal with the women with whom I never really got along.
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  #20  
Old 09-09-2017, 12:49 AM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Originally Posted by LightnAiry View Post
I will admit that haven't spoken to all of them, but the ones who may not be up for that stuff don't go to the house, aren't participating in our first philanthropy event, and don't really talk to the rest of us.
Aaaaaand perhaps these are your people. Maybe they're introverts. Maybe they're waiting for someone to reach out. Maybe they don't feel comfortable yet just showing up at the house by themselves. This is your "in"! These are the women you should be contacting. I'd bet good money that if you asked one of them to hang out, they'd think "thank goodness!" and would be more than happy to go to dinner, or a movie, or for coffee.

Be the friend they need right now!
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  #21  
Old 09-09-2017, 05:08 AM
*winter* *winter* is offline
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Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 View Post
Aaaaaand perhaps these are your people. Maybe they're introverts. Maybe they're waiting for someone to reach out. Maybe they don't feel comfortable yet just showing up at the house by themselves. This is your "in"! These are the women you should be contacting. I'd bet good money that if you asked one of them to hang out, they'd think "thank goodness!" and would be more than happy to go to dinner, or a movie, or for coffee.

Be the friend they need right now!
This describes my friend from my PC, who is still my dear friend 17 years later. She was just terribly shy!
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  #22  
Old 09-09-2017, 08:28 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 View Post
Aaaaaand perhaps these are your people. Maybe they're introverts. Maybe they're waiting for someone to reach out. Maybe they don't feel comfortable yet just showing up at the house by themselves. This is your "in"! These are the women you should be contacting. I'd bet good money that if you asked one of them to hang out, they'd think "thank goodness!" and would be more than happy to go to dinner, or a movie, or for coffee.

Be the friend they need right now!
YYYEEEESSSSSS oookabillion times to this. Refocus your mom urge for good!! Especially if they're freshmen, they might feel over their heads not just with the sorority but also with being away at school in general, and the fact that you're a sophomore and know the lay of the land a little goes a long way. I know as a freshman I would have been a wreck without the upperclass ladies in my dorm.
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  #23  
Old 09-09-2017, 09:16 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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I can see why you are feeling like an outsider in regards to the tailgate convo. Just keep smiling, laugh when they laugh so that they know you're one of them. Don't pass judgement on them for drinking but don't compromise your standards.
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  #24  
Old 09-09-2017, 05:02 PM
LightnAiry LightnAiry is offline
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Thanks for all the advice ladies. I often struggle to connect to people my own age. I don't really understand the behavior of anyone under the age of 30 haha.
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  #25  
Old 09-10-2017, 01:36 AM
SoCalGirl SoCalGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by LightnAiry View Post
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I often struggle to connect to people my own age. I don't really understand the behavior of anyone under the age of 30 haha.
What type of introvert interests do you have?

I'm speculating, so I suggest:
Book club - mix it up between serious / classic and the latest mindless best seller. Even Cher Horrowitz suggested that you should read one non school book a week.

Foreign movie group - plan a night to watch a foreign film and eat food from that country.

Hiking group - explore the outdoors and historic sights, take fun pics.

The key in all of these is that while you'll be "Mom" in organizing you need to "LET GO and HAVE FUN" during the activity.
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  #26  
Old 09-10-2017, 09:56 AM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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Originally Posted by SoCalGirl View Post
What type of introvert interests do you have?

I'm speculating, so I suggest:
Book club - mix it up between serious / classic and the latest mindless best seller. Even Cher Horrowitz suggested that you should read one non school book a week.

Foreign movie group - plan a night to watch a foreign film and eat food from that country.

Hiking group - explore the outdoors and historic sights, take fun pics.

The key in all of these is that while you'll be "Mom" in organizing you need to "LET GO and HAVE FUN" during the activity.
I wish this board had a "like" button - these are brilliant suggestions! And they allow her to use her "mom" personality but then hopefully let go and have fun!
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  #27  
Old 09-10-2017, 12:26 PM
*winter* *winter* is offline
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Originally Posted by LightnAiry View Post
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I often struggle to connect to people my own age. I don't really understand the behavior of anyone under the age of 30 haha.
I did too in college. Outside of the sorority and ROTC (which I only did for one year), I didn't have any friends, really. I was in the sorority for a year, then transferred to an urban school in the city I grew up in, and lived in my own apartment and worked while going to school. Instant adulthood. When I was washing my own dishes and cleaning my own toilet, I suddenly wondered why I was in such an it hurry to get out of the dorms lol.

I don't regret a lot of things in life, but one thing I regret is not giving myself the full opportunity to just "be" a college student. I spent two years at the state school. I cherish the memories I do have there. It's truly such a unique time in your life- one of the few times you get to just spend figuring out who you are, and how you fit into the world. You will get the opportunity to be in your 30s. (Spoiler alert: it's not that great.). You will probably be someone's mom. What you can't get back, if you don't maximize it, is this time in your life. Truly enjoy it.

If I had it to do over, I would have joined my sorority my first year of school and just stayed there the whole four years. You can crow as a person in that environment in every way- academically, emotionally, socially. Don't neglect the social. My coworker and I went to the same state school (she graduated) and just the other day we were discussing plans to go back for homecoming lol. You're there now. GO.

The one thing I did with my sorority (and it helped my very shy pledge sister as well) is that I did every activity I could with them. If I wasn't working- I was there. I talked to people I didn't know. I met their friends. I met so many people this way. That's how I found the perfect Big! Otherwise no one would have known me or my personality to match me up with someone so well.

I know it's hard when you feel more mature than others at your age, but you can and will find "your people." My chapter was smaller than your PC, and I managed. Good luck, and above all, don't forget to HAVE FUN!
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  #28  
Old 09-10-2017, 01:00 PM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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Originally Posted by LightnAiry View Post
I applied for a position but won't find out if I got it for a while. And I would love to do fun events with them but all that's on their minds seems to be parties and alcohol.

They said that its not fun to be sober at a tailgate, I said I do it all the time, and their first response was that I had a high tolerance for "bulls***" and some joked that the day I get black out from drinking they would videotape it. I love them already they're funny and nice but I feel like an outsider a lot of the time.
You say that like there is something wrong with being an outsider. There isn't! Seriously...you can't change others - only yourself so stop with this. I was the consummate outsider in my pledge class but for different reasons. Large public U - Alabama. I was one year younger than my PC because I skipped a grade. I also went to Catholic schools all my life -most of them were Baptist.. I also went to a Catholic girls's boarding school for high school. I assure you there was NO ONE in my demographic in my PC! I'm also an introvert. But I looked at it as an opportunity for growth -and boy did that ever happen. Just like when this little southern girl went to StLouis and they joked about my accent, I just rolled with the flow. Quit over analyzing their remarks. The next time they say they can't wait to take that picture of you passed out, respond that you'll pay good money for a copy. It will all even out over time. It's just the second week in September. You haven't been there that long yet. Funny story - when I first got to St Louis classmates were always coming to me saying "say something." I'd try to ask why,what was their issue,etc. Finally, it struck me! Whenever someone said "say something," I responded "something" in my best Southern drawl. They finally quit!
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  #29  
Old 09-10-2017, 01:24 PM
LightnAiry LightnAiry is offline
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I guess I never spent time just being a kid. From my second grade year onward my priority has been my career goal (I would say what but that would be too much information lol) and other kids didn't understand why I spent all my time focusing on that. I went to a small Christian school my entire life (from 2 to 18) so I never had to make friends, I had them by default. (So I sort of understand what you mean Titchou.) And I've never really seen the need in "figuring out" who I am. I've always known who I am and I like who I am. I see it as a source of pride that I've stayed generally the same. It doesn't help that my personality type is incredibly rare and we tend to not relate well with others.


In terms of fictional characters I'm Hermione Granger + Daria + Monica Geller. lol

Last edited by LightnAiry; 09-10-2017 at 01:35 PM. Reason: added info
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  #30  
Old 09-10-2017, 01:38 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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What sort of rare type are you? I am an INTJ and I still found people I connected with.

Also, your best friends need not be in YOUR NM class.

My best friend/sorority sister was not from my class, but 2 classes above me.

I also have some really good friends in my little's class.

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