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Old 09-02-2016, 03:56 PM
anon1997 anon1997 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2016
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Help get me out of my funk

Hello all!

I recently rushed at a very competitive SEC school and had a successful recruitment. I got a bid from my first pick but I am now feeling very... off about it. I came from the West Coast where Greek life is nothing like it is down south. I had no preconceived notions about any of the chapters at my school and made it a point to not listen to tent talk.

I was preffed by three houses and narrowed down my top two choices. One of the houses I liked since day one and the other had grown on me. However the house that had grown on me had a very emotional pref ceremony that made the two houses almost impossible to rank. Before voting I didn't really reflect at all because I was so tired and sick and the day had so many delays so I ranked the house I liked all week first.

I of course got a bid from my first choice but for some reason I feel like I made a mistake. I do like the house but they are very disorganized and have not reached out to new members well. I feel awful feeling this way because they were my first choice every round and I know so many other girls who were dropped or got their last choice.

Any advice? I really don't know what to do...
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Old 09-02-2016, 05:49 PM
BraveMaroon BraveMaroon is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Music City, USA
Posts: 758
Take a deep breath. I'm guessing you're a Freshman? You've come from the West Coast to the Southeast for your first semester of college - OF COURSE you're feeling a little out of sorts.

Many people have that "what have I done??" feeling post Rush. I did, back in the day, and like you, I got the house I loved since day one.

If you liked your sorority the whole way through rush, trust your judgment.

Assume that the disorganization is temporary. Just like you, after a week or so of recruitment, your new sisters are all as run-down and exhausted as you. You, and they, will fall into your rhythm of meetings, sisterhood retreats, etc. In the meantime, connect with your pledge class, go to classes, enjoy being away from home for the first time.

What you're feeling is normal, I promise.
Live with Heart

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Old 09-02-2016, 06:03 PM
AnchorAlumna AnchorAlumna is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Old South
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You've got a few days to get some extra sleep, rest etc. Do that. Enjoy the game (Roll Tide!). If you're not going to the game, watch it with some other students in a group setting. If you don't have a game, sleep, read ahead on your classes.
Things will get better.
Everybody else will have had a few days off and, when they return, they should be ready to settle down.

You're also experiencing some "let down" from recruitment and the start of classes. You were the center of attention for a full week, and then everything was new with classes and getting used to your new living area, dining halls etc. Now you've done it all once and the routine sets in.

It's OK. Look for the little things to appreciate.

And get some sleep!

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Old 09-02-2016, 09:24 PM
anon1997 anon1997 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you both so much for the advice and encouragement! I do agree that part of what I am feeling is just plain homesickness. Recruitment was such a whirlwind that I never really had time to digest everything and now I do. I really do love my house and like I said I feel awful for even feeling this way. So many girls were dropped or got a bid from a house that they did not like.

I have made a few friends in my house but I am a bit disappointed in the actives' lack of involvement. For example, I have talked to my bid day big maybe twice in the last three weeks. I have texted her multiply times with no reply. There has also been a couple times where I've been at the house alone for hours and no one even glanced my way. Because of this I've just been feeling very out of place. I know that things will get better but I know so many other girls in other houses and they are already so involved.
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Old 09-03-2016, 09:07 AM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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Location: Michigan
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As a college parent and professor, I agree with the advice you've been given. This is a really tough transition, and it's natural to feel lonely, adrift, and out of sorts while you're settling in to college life.

I'm also an actively involved advisor and I do agree there are some issues with the new member experience you're having. We like to say that recruitment continues right through initiation. It sounds like your bid day buddy might not be the most outgoing or nurturing sister. We switch off "Gamma Gals" and "Beta Buddies" every week, so everyone gets a chance to meet more new members. This also prevents the situation you're in -- stuck with the same "too busy" or less communicative active for too long. Actives are encouraged to meet their buddies for lunch, connect with texts, offer rides to sorority events, etc.

I was the new member education advisor for 3 years, and I also think this is a crucial and challenging position. This officer has a concentrated period of responsibility, and it's a new person every year. So, they have no experience and a huge, sudden "workload." If you have a huge chapter, this is even more difficult. At the international level, we have a newly formed task force that is studying huge chapter sizes and how to make sure the member experience is positive.

From what you're describing, it sounds like the new member period and welcoming structure could use some enhancement. I would approach your new member educator and share your feelings. However, if you get a sense that she's overwhelmed (this could be part of the issue...maybe she's supposed to be setting up rotating buddies and hasn't -- members usually like this because it helps them connect with potential little sisters), then speak to an advisor or the chapter president. Maybe a committee could be formed that comes up with ideas for welcoming new members in future could have good input or leadership on that. Also try connecting with other new members...invite them to study with you, grab lunch, etc. You may have to make the first move.

I also have a hunch that some chapters think their work is done once the bid cards have been signed...the new members are naturally so appreciative of their good fortune that no further effort on the part of the actives is you've experienced, this is flat out incorrect.
Gamma Phi Beta

Last edited by Sciencewoman; 09-03-2016 at 09:18 AM.
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Old 09-03-2016, 09:21 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Location: Hotel Oceanview
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This is one of the reasons why I really don't like fall formal rush for pre-freshmen. It's the first day of school for crying out loud! That's stressful enough! You're going to your first college classes, people you didn't see all summer are's just too much at once IMO.

And yeah, don't let your crummy bid day sponsor ruin your perceptions. Have you reached out to any of the girls you connected with during rush? I know that you are the pledge and they should be "shepherding" you to some extent, but sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horn and do what you need to do - and sometimes you get a better result when you do that too.
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
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Old 09-03-2016, 09:53 AM
Alabama_Mama_2 Alabama_Mama_2 is offline
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Posts: 5

Is eating your meals at your sorority house an option? Do they have a study room? Like you, my daughter recently participated in a SEC recruitment. (Yes, my name is a dead giveaway. ��) She goes to her house for all three meals and to put in her study hours. She has met so many sisters and pledge sisters this way. I'm sure your judgement was right and you'll find "your people" soon.


Last edited by Alabama_Mama_2; 09-03-2016 at 10:16 AM. Reason: To add link
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Old 09-03-2016, 07:26 PM
anon1997 anon1997 is offline
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Thankfully I have become good friends with a few pledges and other girls not involved in Greek life so I do have a support system here. I also have the majority of meals at the house and also study there often. On one occasion I was in the dining hall for almost three hours while the majority of the exec team was in the dining room also socializing. Not once did they even say hi. I know this seems like a minor incident but there have been other times where I have attempted to engage in conversation with other actives and they are not interested.

From speaking with upperclassmen who are not in a GLO it seems that my house has a reputation of not making the new members feel welcomed. I am hoping that some of this goes away after initiation when things are more settled. I do know that I want to get involved with exec next year so that I can raise awareness to these issues.

Thank you all for your replies. I hope I don't sound like a brat or conceited. I was ecstatic to receive a bid from this house but I do see some flaws like there are flaws in every house.
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Old 09-04-2016, 10:23 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Location: Hotel Oceanview
Posts: 33,518
Ahhh okay. That makes more sense. Expect a switch to flip the second you're initiated. Some chapters are just like this. I'm REALLY glad you're saying you want to be proactive and run for exec and try to change it, rather than whining and saying you're being hazed or something.

Side note: I am NOT condoning behavior like this, but I think sometimes chapters do it to weed out who really wants to be there and who just wanted a bid for the prestige. Even if you're at the top of the social heap, feeling like people only want to be with you to up their popularity can get to be a little hurtful.
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
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Old 09-04-2016, 02:50 PM
TXDG TXDG is offline
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I think you're experiencing something that is pretty common- houses that are really good at recruiting and making you feel like the center of the world cannot maintain that 110% focus on PNM's after recruitment is over. It sounds like your chapter could improve on this, but really to some degree, new members feel the same in many chapters.

My advice -> put all your effort into bonding with your new member class. Those are the girls who will become your best friends, your future roomates, and the future exec board in your house. Spend your time and effort nurturing those new friendships vs being upset that upperclassmen ignore you. If you're going to the house for dinner, see if a few pledge sisters want to go with you. If you have pledge sisters in your classes, sit with them in class and go study at the house together. Go to football games together. Make plans to go to your sorority events and meetings together. Try to mix with as many different pledge sisters as possible so you have lots of good acquaintances and start to build great friendships. It's common to feel a little lost after you pledge. The burden goes back on you to make friends, not the upperclassmen.
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Old 09-09-2016, 07:02 PM
ladybug12 ladybug12 is offline
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Posts: 477
If this is the campus that has been hinted on this site (Bama), remember that quota was 147 and all chapter have 400+ members. Some are great at organizing these massive numbers during recruitment...and some are not.
Some are great with embracing their huge new member classes, and some are still learning how to deal with these numbers.
Remember what attracted you to this chapter and embrace your new member experience. And definitely meet with you new member educator and express your feelings.
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