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  #8926  
Old 03-05-2013, 08:53 PM
XAntoftheSkyX XAntoftheSkyX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K View Post
CTFU!

Curious dude. You met any new females since ol girl bounced?
Not really. Exchanged a few emails, but nothing has come to fruition.
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  #8927  
Old 03-06-2013, 01:07 AM
cheerfulgreek cheerfulgreek is offline
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I just want to "piggy back" and comment about the guy not clearing off the snow or warming up the car for his wife. I'm not going to place all of the blame on him by calling him "odd" --shame on you, PB. This actually isn't an "odd" thing at all. In fact, it's a very common problem with many men. For all we know, she might be so self-sufficient, that he doesn't feel the need to clear off the car, or warm it up for her. If she isn't that way, then shame on him.

Honestly, I think that each of us must find our own individual way. For those of us who have a man we are romantically involved with, when we are out with him, some of us will pump gas in the car, or whatever, and some of us will not, expecting him to do it for us, etc. I can't speak for those couples, but as for me personally, I want my coat held, my chair pulled out, doors opened, snow cleared off, car warmed up, etc. --grade-A precious vessel treatment all the way. I'm not ruining my manicure unnecessarily…why should I if I don't have to?

To switch that around, not only do I think a man should be a perfect gentleman, but a woman should also be able to please him when it comes to his needs as well. I brought being too self-sufficient up, only to point out that many men feel they have nothing to offer most women, because we have gotten it all for ourselves. And many of us confirm this by wearing a self-sufficient attitude, leaving no room for the man to feel as if he can add anything else to our lives. I think it is important to be careful of this, because men were created to give.

Bottom line, nothing affects a man as deeply as an encounter with a woman who has womanly qualities. Most of the time we as women give when we should not, enabling men to be wimps or we withhold when we should give, crippling the man from rising up and taking his place in the relationship -- and this is part of the reason (in many relationships) why a lot of passive men or men who have become passive won't step up to the plate and be men.
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Last edited by cheerfulgreek; 03-06-2013 at 02:01 AM.
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  #8928  
Old 03-06-2013, 01:09 PM
Mizeree I2K Mizeree I2K is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX View Post
Not really. Exchanged a few emails, but nothing has come to fruition.
Cool. That's a start.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
I just want to "piggy back" and comment about the guy not clearing off the snow or warming up the car for his wife. I'm not going to place all of the blame on him by calling him "odd" --shame on you, PB. This actually isn't an "odd" thing at all. In fact, it's a very common problem with many men. For all we know, she might be so self-sufficient, that he doesn't feel the need to clear off the car, or warm it up for her. If she isn't that way, then shame on him.

Honestly, I think that each of us must find our own individual way. For those of us who have a man we are romantically involved with, when we are out with him, some of us will pump gas in the car, or whatever, and some of us will not, expecting him to do it for us, etc. I can't speak for those couples, but as for me personally, I want my coat held, my chair pulled out, doors opened, snow cleared off, car warmed up, etc. --grade-A precious vessel treatment all the way. I'm not ruining my manicure unnecessarily…why should I if I don't have to?

To switch that around, not only do I think a man should be a perfect gentleman, but a woman should also be able to please him when it comes to his needs as well. I brought being too self-sufficient up, only to point out that many men feel they have nothing to offer most women, because we have gotten it all for ourselves. And many of us confirm this by wearing a self-sufficient attitude, leaving no room for the man to feel as if he can add anything else to our lives. I think it is important to be careful of this, because men were created to give.

Bottom line, nothing affects a man as deeply as an encounter with a woman who has womanly qualities. Most of the time we as women give when we should not, enabling men to be wimps or we withhold when we should give, crippling the man from rising up and taking his place in the relationship -- and this is part of the reason (in many relationships) why a lot of passive men or men who have become passive won't step up to the plate and be men.
All of this is deep as hell, and I wouldn't have never seen it from this point of view. If I didn't know better, I would think you were Brandi's pastor on GC LOL. So far, just about everything dude has mentioned to us made me think of some of the things I've read from you over here. When you said dudes become passive, what would you say the other part of the reason is? For real question. I'm just asking because I hear a lot of females talking about how they don't like indecisive dudes.

Most of this is on point........

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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
I can't speak for those couples, but as for me personally, I want my coat held, my chair pulled out, doors opened, snow cleared off, car warmed up, etc. --grade-A precious vessel treatment all the way. I'm not ruining my manicure unnecessarily…why should I if I don't have to?
........but goddamn! LOL!
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  #8929  
Old 03-06-2013, 01:42 PM
WCsweet<3 WCsweet<3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
I just want to "piggy back" and comment about the guy not clearing off the snow or warming up the car for his wife. I'm not going to place all of the blame on him by calling him "odd" --shame on you, PB. This actually isn't an "odd" thing at all. In fact, it's a very common problem with many men. For all we know, she might be so self-sufficient, that he doesn't feel the need to clear off the car, or warm it up for her. If she isn't that way, then shame on him.

Honestly, I think that each of us must find our own individual way. For those of us who have a man we are romantically involved with, when we are out with him, some of us will pump gas in the car, or whatever, and some of us will not, expecting him to do it for us, etc. I can't speak for those couples, but as for me personally, I want my coat held, my chair pulled out, doors opened, snow cleared off, car warmed up, etc. --grade-A precious vessel treatment all the way. I'm not ruining my manicure unnecessarily…why should I if I don't have to?

To switch that around, not only do I think a man should be a perfect gentleman, but a woman should also be able to please him when it comes to his needs as well. I brought being too self-sufficient up, only to point out that many men feel they have nothing to offer most women, because we have gotten it all for ourselves. And many of us confirm this by wearing a self-sufficient attitude, leaving no room for the man to feel as if he can add anything else to our lives. I think it is important to be careful of this, because men were created to give.

Bottom line, nothing affects a man as deeply as an encounter with a woman who has womanly qualities. Most of the time we as women give when we should not, enabling men to be wimps or we withhold when we should give, crippling the man from rising up and taking his place in the relationship -- and this is part of the reason (in many relationships) why a lot of passive men or men who have become passive won't step up to the plate and be men.

I had kind of assumed the wife was complaining about it and that was how PB knew the situation, like that the husband wasn't clearing the car. I think what I find most interesting is that the husband goes to bed right away. I mean it's only an hour. Why not stay up and help the wife/chat with her. I often wake up with Boyfriend when he gets up and although he is getting ready we can check in a little bit and see what is going on with the other person. I understand that he may be exhausted, but it's only an hour. He must be a deep sleeper if he can sleep through his partner getting ready.

I like your distinction between being self sufficient and being too self sufficient. I think it goes both way, for men and women. Many need to feel that they contribute in their partner's life. Not all, but many.
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  #8930  
Old 03-06-2013, 08:36 PM
AGDee AGDee is offline
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On the surface, I can agree that it would be nice if he cleaned off her car or let her drive the new car. However, I'll also point out that we know very little information to make a judgment. Maybe he works a physical labor job for 12 hours before driving home and is truly physically exhausted/in pain when he gets home. Maybe he goes right to bed because he has to be up in time to pick up kids from school. Maybe he drives the new car because he's driving in dangerous areas in the middle of the night and has a longer drive so it makes sense for him to have the newer, more reliable car. Maybe he's the one who picks up the kids in the afternoon and runs them all over town and the newer vehicle fits them all better.

He could just be a selfish lazy guy, but there could be other reasons that they, as a family, do things the way they do.
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  #8931  
Old 03-06-2013, 10:35 PM
cheerfulgreek cheerfulgreek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K View Post
When you said dudes become passive, what would you say the other part of the reason is? For real question. I'm just asking because I hear a lot of females talking about how they don't like indecisive dudes.
Well, I think a great majority of it could stem from what I said here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
I know our lives are made up of things or people who have already developed their own belief system from sources in their own particular lives. Essentially, we are all trained to believe what they believe, our mind-set made to reflect their own, and the environment we grew up in.


So what I am saying to you is every last one of us are bits and pieces of every thing and every person we have encountered. Therefore it makes common sense to me that our self-image, self-worth, mental attitude, and self-confidence will rise or fall dependent to a large extent on that of our trainers and the things we are exposed to throughout our lives
And I believe the the other reasons also stem from sons growing up without seeing a living example of how men should behave as a husband. And daughters growing up not knowing how to have healthy relationships with men, and then doing all the wrong things to receive love from men. Another part of it could be that there are some women behaving like a man, and a woman with that kind of an attitude will lead a man to believe he is not needed. I mean, there could be several other reasons, but those are just some of the things I believe the "passive man"/"indecisive man" issue stems from.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K View Post
........but goddamn! LOL!
Well, I was kidding about the manicure, but very serious about the other part of that. It's just that growing up I've learned a lot from my parents. From my dad, I have learned what standard to set for men I chose to get involved with. If they couldn't meet those standards, I released them and waited for a man who could. From my mom, I have learned how to be a woman. Her advice has always been sound, whether I liked it or not. Her counsel has always proven to be correct, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She's the best mom, ever.

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Originally Posted by WCsweet<3 View Post
I had kind of assumed the wife was complaining about it and that was how PB knew the situation, like that the husband wasn't clearing the car. I think what I find most interesting is that the husband goes to bed right away. I mean it's only an hour. Why not stay up and help the wife/chat with her. I often wake up with Boyfriend when he gets up and although he is getting ready we can check in a little bit and see what is going on with the other person. I understand that he may be exhausted, but it's only an hour. He must be a deep sleeper if he can sleep through his partner getting ready.

I like your distinction between being self sufficient and being too self sufficient. I think it goes both way, for men and women. Many need to feel that they contribute in their partner's life. Not all, but many.
Yep, and I totally agree with you. I mean, like Dee said, who knows? I mean, according to PB, I do know that they don't have any children and are newlyweds. I was just throwing some possible reasons out there, instead of just jumping to the conclusion that the guy was just lazy and selfish.

Again, PB shame on you for assuming....
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Last edited by cheerfulgreek; 03-06-2013 at 10:38 PM.
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  #8932  
Old 03-07-2013, 01:07 PM
Mizeree I2K Mizeree I2K is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
Another part of it could be that there are some women behaving like a man, and a woman with that kind of an attitude will lead a man to believe he is not needed.
LOL this reminds me of "Think like a man". Did you see that movie yet? It was good as hell. I just remember you saying you weren't going to see it. You should if you haven't. You would roll at the dude who was the mama's boy.

It's funny that you mentioned this though. One of my boys is going through this same thing. Me and my other boys tease him when he's not around. We call dude's girl "The Manager" LOL! She is running that whole program. He told me once that he's about to bounce on her.
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  #8933  
Old 03-07-2013, 01:59 PM
cheerfulgreek cheerfulgreek is offline
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Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K View Post
LOL this reminds me of "Think like a man". Did you see that movie yet? ..
Nah. If I wanted to see a story/movie about a bunch of clowns, I'd go to a circus.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K View Post
She is running that whole program. .
Just based on this part of your post, you totally misunderstood what I said, which doesn't surprise me. It's okay, because I wouldn't expect you to get it.
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  #8934  
Old 03-07-2013, 03:35 PM
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PrettyBoy PrettyBoy is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
Bottom line, nothing affects a man as deeply as an encounter with a woman who has womanly qualities.
http://youtu.be/OG_6CopW9GQ

Quote:
Originally Posted by WCsweet<3 View Post
I think it goes both way, for men and women. Many need to feel that they contribute in their partner's life. Not all, but many.
I agree with this 100%, but to add to what you said here, it's about making sacrifices and serving each other, while at the same time understanding each other's differences -Differences as in knowing about someone else's perfectly valid way of being that doesn't always match our own. To me, folks who fail to understand how these differences play out in the relationship, it'll be next to impossible to create a relationship that's fulfilling to both of them.

I also agree with you about taking that hour to connect with his wife in conversation. Without communication, I can't see how any love relationship can function properly.

I actually met him when he came to our New Year's potluck at work. We had a half day that day. I walked out with other people after the potluck, and saw him get in his car, and she in hers. I said "damn, he didn't even walk her to her car, and open the door for her? LOL okay... But everyone has their own agenda.

I just believe in a marriage, my wife (and kids, if I had any) would take priority over everything and everyone, and is only second to God. And that means she drives the new car while I drive the old car, snow gets cleared off, car is warm when she gets in it, and she is served in every other area of that relationship with consistency (I'm not going to start something I know I'm not going to continue to do). I think it just comes down to not being used to certain treatment. Some folks have never seen it, so if they've never seen it, they won't miss it when it isn't given to them.


But like I said earlier, what ever floats folks boats.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
Again, PB shame on you for assuming....
http://youtu.be/IsRM2FMEjJA
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Last edited by PrettyBoy; 03-07-2013 at 04:02 PM.
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  #8935  
Old 03-07-2013, 03:39 PM
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PrettyBoy PrettyBoy is offline
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Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek View Post
Everyone judges, so don't single yourself out.

The environment a man comes from, how he was raised, the family he is connected to, his past relationships, and the people he surrounds himself with are all of equal importance to me. So it is a "big deal" for me, because I know our lives are made up of things or people who have already developed their own belief system from sources in their own particular lives. Essentially, we are all trained to believe what they believe, our mind-set made to reflect their own, and the environment we grew up in.

So what I am saying to you is every last one of us are bits and pieces of every thing and every person we have encountered. Therefore it makes common sense to me that our self-image, self-worth, mental attitude, and self-confidence will rise or fall dependent to a large extent on that of our trainers and the things we are exposed to throughout our lives and this includes the environment we were raised in. "Who" he comes from is just as important as "where" he comes from, to me.
I had to go back and find this one. I don't know how I missed this post. This should be Gold Plated. If this isn't the truth, then I don't know what is.
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Last edited by PrettyBoy; 03-07-2013 at 04:06 PM.
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  #8936  
Old 03-07-2013, 07:07 PM
Phrozen Sands Phrozen Sands is offline
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My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, since then, I'm back active on my PoF account. I've gone on a few dates since the break-up. But when I agree to meet up with these dates, I either run into a woman who's nice and friendly, and seems to have her head on straight, but is bigger than what I'm normally attracted to. Or they will look like the profile picture, attractive, etc. but just don't have it all there in the head. Or it will be someone I really like and someone I'm physically attracted to, but then she isn't interested in me.

I'm coming to the conclusion that people go on dates thinking the worst before they even meet the person. And if the conversation isn't going well on the first date, getting another with the same girl is next to impossible. It should not be this difficult to meet a decent mate. It really shouldn't. When I was in college, I had my pick. Now that I'm out of college, it seems like the really attractive, good ones are taken, and the ones that are left are unattractive. If they are attractive, they're demented or a little off in the head. I'm now starting to believe that dating is based on social class.
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  #8937  
Old 03-08-2013, 12:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands View Post
I've gone on a few dates since the break-up. But when I agree to meet up with these dates, I either run into a woman who's nice and friendly, and seems to have her head on straight, but is bigger than what I'm normally attracted to. Or they will look like the profile picture, attractive, etc.but just don't have it all there in the head. Or it will be someone I really like and someone I'm physically attracted to, but then she isn't interested in me.

Now that I'm out of college, it seems like the really attractive, good ones are taken, and the ones that are left are unattractive. If they are attractive, they're demented or a little off in the head.
http://youtu.be/9QHVg6eZk7w
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  #8938  
Old 03-08-2013, 06:20 AM
Mizeree I2K Mizeree I2K is offline
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Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands View Post
My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, since then, I'm back active on my PoF account. I've gone on a few dates since the break-up. But when I agree to meet up with these dates, I either run into a woman who's nice and friendly, and seems to have her head on straight, but is bigger than what I'm normally attracted to.
Sorry about your break up, but I feel you on what you're going through, meeting up with females who aren't who they say they are, as far as looks go. When my account was active, and I was still kickin it with random females, some would lie about what they looked like. They would post pictures from way back when, and then when we would agree to meet up, they would be big as hell. That used to get me upset because I had to sit through an entire date with a female who was fat as hell. I don't know why females lie like that. I usually can tell if she's big as hell because her face will be wide, but when they post an old picture when they were thin and looked good as hell, you automatically think she's going to look like that on the date.
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  #8939  
Old 03-08-2013, 07:10 AM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands View Post
My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, since then, I'm back active on my PoF account. I've gone on a few dates since the break-up. But when I agree to meet up with these dates, I either run into a woman who's nice and friendly, and seems to have her head on straight, but is bigger than what I'm normally attracted to. Or they will look like the profile picture, attractive, etc. but just don't have it all there in the head. Or it will be someone I really like and someone I'm physically attracted to, but then she isn't interested in me.

I'm coming to the conclusion that people go on dates thinking the worst before they even meet the person. And if the conversation isn't going well on the first date, getting another with the same girl is next to impossible. It should not be this difficult to meet a decent mate. It really shouldn't. When I was in college, I had my pick. Now that I'm out of college, it seems like the really attractive, good ones are taken, and the ones that are left are unattractive. If they are attractive, they're demented or a little off in the head. I'm now starting to believe that dating is based on social class.
What made you realize that dating is based on social class? I would say that people stay within their social class even more than they stay within their race or religion.
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  #8940  
Old 03-08-2013, 11:46 AM
TexasViolet TexasViolet is offline
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Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands View Post
My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, since then, I'm back active on my PoF account.
Are you trying to meet people other places besides just PoF? Maybe there are tons of people that found the perfect person for them on that website, but I've just never heard any good stories.

What do you mean by dating is based on social class?
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