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  #1  
Old 04-28-2012, 01:12 AM
gmarie92 gmarie92 is offline
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Rushing a third time

I

Last edited by gmarie92; 04-28-2012 at 02:07 AM.
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  #2  
Old 04-28-2012, 01:28 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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If you got invited back to one house after round one, the order in which you ranked the houses did not come into play. That would only have mattered if you'd ranked realistic choices low, then had a full schedule with some houses being dropped and THEN got cut heavily. Because informal rush works so differently from formal, I'd feel free to go through again, but you need to spend some quality time with yourself figuring out what went wrong. Getting cut that heavily after round one means there was something pretty seriously off. My instinct would be your high school GPA wasn't good enough to make the cut, but if it wasn't that, what else could it have been? Did you go in dressed messy, dirty, ugly? Did you say goofy shit that you thought would make you memorable? Think about your interests, your appearance, etc. and try to compare yourself to the other girls going through. You don't have to be the prettiest girl on the block to succeed at rush but you do need to be presentable. You don't need to restrict your conversation to boring and predictable, but if you're so off the wall they think you're strange, then that's going to be a problem.

And by the way, the girls in the house knew how informal goes. They were being vague with you as a kind way of not telling you when the next step was, since you weren't going to be there. Sorry to be blunt, but if you were talking to a chapter officer, she knew exactly what their process is.
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  #3  
Old 04-28-2012, 01:38 AM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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There is no way that we can tell you if you will get a bid your 3rd time around. As DubaiSis pointed out, we can all tell that there was SOMETHING very seriously wrong the first time you went through formal recruitment.

You have to be honest with yourself and try to figure out what that was. Then you have to ask yourself what about YOU will be different the 3rd time around. The sororities aren't going to change. What they look for in a new member won't change. YOU are the only thing you have any control over.

And if you don't change, you probably can't expect a different outcome.
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Old 04-28-2012, 08:36 AM
carnation carnation is offline
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Did you say goofy shit that you thought would make you memorable?
^^^ This. Omigosh, this.
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:19 PM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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I remember there was a girl on my dorm floor (all girls dorm with a BIG percentage going through rush) who was very strange. She couldn't be nicer, but she was one of those girls who felt like she needed to do weird things to get attention. At that time there were 5 (out of 15) chapters that were struggling for numbers so for her to get cut out of rush meant she REALLY made a bad impression. My brother used to use a phrase on his son as a boy - turn up the cool. She would have benefited greatly from that advice.

I'm noticing the OP deleted her post. But building on this, how can that girl (I of course don't know if the OP is that girl) learn the social skills to do better, not just in rush but in real life? We all have known people like this and they so badly want to fit in. What can they do?
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:04 PM
AnotherKD AnotherKD is offline
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Honestly, I think the best thing a person like that can do is to not talk so much. Often, the awkward stuff shows itself when the person gets nervous and gets verbal diarrhea. Learning how to be silent (there IS and art to it) is underrated.
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:09 PM
clarinette clarinette is offline
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Exactly. Sometimes, if I think I'm going to blurt out an answer, I'll say, "Let me think about that for a second", then I take about 5-10 seconds to gather myself. That way, I can calmly answer the question and not come out looking ridiculous.
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Old 04-28-2012, 07:49 PM
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LAblondeGPhi LAblondeGPhi is offline
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Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
I'm noticing the OP deleted her post. But building on this, how can that girl (I of course don't know if the OP is that girl) learn the social skills to do better, not just in rush but in real life? We all have known people like this and they so badly want to fit in. What can they do?
Ironically, going through recruitment on the sorority side can really help with many of those conversation and social cues. I've said it before that I think recruitment training is the first formal conversation training that a lot of young women get.

In absence of that, active practice and awareness of yourself works wonders, but it's a slow process (then again, aren't all forms of self improvement slow processes?) The book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is a classic, and a great place to start.
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  #9  
Old 04-28-2012, 09:59 PM
KDCat KDCat is offline
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A. There's a Kindle book that is helpful:

"Better than Beauty: a Guide to Charm"

The make-up and hair tips are dated, but the general tips on self-presentation, making friends, and talking to people are really great. The active listening suggestions are wonderful.

B. There are dozens of other books on conversational skills available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...rsation+skills

C.In general, I think PNMs need to think of recruitment as a series of job interviews. In law school, they taught us a strategy for interviews and meetings and hearings that was basically: anticipate, prepare, adjust.

1. Anticipate -- you need to know what the purpose of the meeting/hearing/interview is. Why are you there? Why is the other person there? What do they hope to learn in that meeting? What do you hope to learn in that meeting?

2. Prepare what you are going to say. Go through everything you can think of that is going to be said in the meeting/hearing/interview. What are you going to say? What are your goals for the meeting? What things do you want to make sure the other person learns from you in this meeting?

3. Adjust. Listen to what the other person is saying. Ask questions. Tailor your responses to what the other person seems to be interested in talking about.

Last edited by KDCat; 04-28-2012 at 10:08 PM.
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  #10  
Old 04-29-2012, 05:43 PM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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^^^ Those are very good suggestions!
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Old 05-02-2012, 06:46 AM
TheTexanYankee TheTexanYankee is offline
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3 times?? just give up... its not gonna happen
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  #12  
Old 05-02-2012, 01:55 PM
ree-Xi ree-Xi is offline
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Honestly, I think the best thing a person like that can do is to not talk so much. Often, the awkward stuff shows itself when the person gets nervous and gets verbal diarrhea. Learning how to be silent (there IS and art to it) is underrated.
This! I wasn't always the most confident person and would often keep talking out of sheer insecurity. A male friend of mine told me something that I remember to this day. It was in the vein of "chill out" and "stop spazzing".

He told me to only say 50% of what you think you want to say.

It was probably the most helpful advice a friend has ever given to me. It's a great suggestion for a variety of reasons. First, basic math. If you only say half of what comes to mind, you have a 50% less chance of saying something stupid/awkward/weird. Second, it forces you to stop and think before you open your mouth. Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, it makes you listen to what is being said. Being a good listener is vital to just about any situation you can think of. It's not always easy, but once you get into the habit, you'll be more likely to make conversation that doesn't end with a lot of awkward glances.

I kind of wish I read the original post, because I'm not sure if this is what it was about. Well, that, and I'm just really curious.
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:53 PM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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I kind of wish I read the original post, because I'm not sure if this is what it was about. Well, that, and I'm just really curious.
The original post was pretty much, "I went through formal, only got invited back to one chapter after round 1, then got cut out completely after round 2. Went through informal and didn't get any bids. Should I go through formal in the fall?" After the first couple responses she deleted her post, which I read as a disinclination to take advice as given. I decided to tangent the thread as a discussion to help other girls get over some of that awkwardness. And I think there has been some great suggestions! I really like the "speak 50% of what you think." I am pretty good about deleting a lot of what I say in print before hitting send. I am not so good about it in the audible form so it's a lesson worth being reminded of.
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Old 05-02-2012, 08:49 PM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
The original post was pretty much, "I went through formal, only got invited back to one chapter after round 1, then got cut out completely after round 2. Went through informal and didn't get any bids. Should I go through formal in the fall?" After the first couple responses she deleted her post, which I read as a disinclination to take advice as given. I decided to tangent the thread as a discussion to help other girls get over some of that awkwardness. And I think there has been some great suggestions! I really like the "speak 50% of what you think." I am pretty good about deleting a lot of what I say in print before hitting send. I am not so good about it in the audible form so it's a lesson worth being reminded of.
It's SO hard to know what it means if someone didn't get a bid during informal. Thanks for adding this, because that is totally different from someone going through formal rush twice and not getting a bid.
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