[Titchou]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Certainly not the level of "y'all suck so badly at being nice that your national president/exec board has to come in and tell you to knock it off."

But I have had the privilege of working with some chapters on different sides of Panhellenic toxicity.

OBSERVATION: THE GREATEST PERETRATORS OF TOXIC PANHELLENIC BEHAVIOR ARE NOT YOUR TOP TIER CHAPTERS. RARELY. The biggest perps were the middles and lower. The ones who have most to gain by Kappa not seeming "cool."


The chapters varied. Some were actively participating in it. Some were not partciipating, but rather doing nothing while other chapters behaved in a toxic manner.


bYSTANDER BEHAVIOR IS PROBABLY WORSE THAN BEING THE PERP.

Some of these girls were doing the bystander chapter thing of "Oh wow so glad that is not us." Hearing the tent talk, thinking how messed up it is, but not saying anything to dispel it. Seeing how other chapters talk about XYZ or DEF without saying anything.

This is what I always said (to those who were either perpetrating it or doing nothing as it happened to other chapters.) Based on a convo I had with the sister who works with our Panhellenic delegates:

You are only ever as strong as your weakest. Do what you can to build them up.

It is really easy to stand by and watch false info be spread about a chapter, let the tent talk about them get out of control because hey THAT BENEFITS YOU. Yes, believe it or not. It benefits you for everyone in recruitment to think Kappa sucks.

(Cue horror because like, we have never even done anything to Kappa. It's all DZ and Chi O doing that stuff. Or we are not even being mean we are just as small as Kappa.)

The idea that Kappa sucks does not really benefit the top tier chapter on campus. It benefits the middle so they prop up on it.

As long as everyone thinks Kappa sucks, people will see Sigma on the schedule and think "Oh no I got Sigma but hey at least it's not Kappa."

So when you hear something negative about Kappa, you let it slide. Hey, at least it's not you, and it makes middle and low tier Sigma look that much cooler. You may even say "Wow Kappa only got like 10 girls I wish they'd close."

What you don't see is that you are probably not that much bigger than Kappa and your entire idenity rests on being "not Kappa" in the totem pole.

So if Kappa closes, someone has to become the new Kappa.

Guess who the new Kappa is? Yep it's the Sigma chapter that stands by and goes "well at least we aren't Kappa." Or who lets Zeta openly mock Kappa. Or who laughs at fraternity jokes about about Kappa.

When you are in Kappa's spot (because you will be when Kappa closes) it will not feel as good.

I've given this exact PH speech at many conferences. Someone is going to be seen as on the bottom. And when that group leaves, someone has to take their place....it could be you.