Quote:
Originally posted by James
A large part of the sorority system seems predicated on the idea that even if mutually selected, the numbers issue might make a PNM not get a bid for the house she wants.
Ok fair enough. But why do we expect and pressure them to join the house she doesn't want?
That seems to be an enormous flaw in the system.
Does anyone else agree? Or disagree?
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Ok, I think a lot of people here went off a little bit and the only answer given to the question was "we don't do that so mind your own NIC business".
I'm not afraid to answer this question and possibly gain the disdain of my NPC sisters. Why? Because I'm not exactly the top candidate for the Miss Politically-Correct contest.
When I first read James' question, I did not think of the rules for bid-matching, or the technicalities of if a card is signed or not, etc. I immediately thought about female behaviour.
In general, women are not the kind who like to be confrontational or rock the boat. Clearly, NPC women have this thing with making everything "fair" or "equal".
Now, several times I have seen an occassion where a PNM reported that she was left with chapters on her invite list which were not her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd choice. Some of these chapters were at the very bottom of the PNM's personal list. The PNM wanted so very much to be in a sorority, but she just did not want to be in
that one on the bottom of her list or bid. Girls like this agonize or whether or not to quit.
I cringe when I read impassioned pleas from sorority women encouraging the PNM to not give up and to "give that chapter a chance" because, "you might end up loving it" or "that chapter must have seen something in you". Some people even go so far as to imply that a chapter will know better than the PNM as whether or not she'll fit in there, so they should just go with it. <shudder>
Given that a young woman may be agonzing over a decision, are you going to try and tell me that her Rho Chi encouraging her to not quit because "you may grow to like it" is not pressuring her to join a house she truly doesn't want?!?! I see that happening here on GC every recruitment season. Very rarely does someone say, "Yikes, you only got invited back to the one house you disliked the most and now you want to drop out? Yeah, it sounds like you may have to do that and try again at next recruitment".
Now, before someone goes off on one, let's qualify that sometimes a PNM's disappointment stems from not getting her first choice house and nothing else. These girls truly do like their 2nd choice, but, they are momentarily blinded by their emotions. In that moment of disappointment, they think that NONE of the choices are good because they got cut by that ONE chapter. These girls are the ones which need to be gently reminded about how they really liked their other houses too and how they should stay in recruitment.
However, I repeat, this is not appropriate to do with girls who believe that they got a bid from a chapter that they simply
do not like. This is what I perceive James to be talking about. Why put pressure on a girl to accept that bid? What if she's miserable? How "fun" was that for her or the chapter who bid her?
What's that you say? "She could always drop out before initiation if she doesn't like it"? Yes, she
could, but is that always the best idea? On
some campuses, pledging a sorority, and then later dropping out, is the kiss of death. Of course, we also have the issue of being hit with the one-year rule. Great, so she spends 4 weeks with the chapter she really did not want, quits and must now wait a year because she's bound by a rule. All because someone appealed her emotions and told "but....but...but...you may end up liking it" all in the name of not being confrontational or being "fair" to a chapter. Now this PNM doesn't have a chance to find the sisterhood she really wanted because she's ineligible for informal recruitment.
James, I don't think it's a flaw in the system. I actually like some of the concepts of NPC recruitment - I also like the way NIC does it too. The "problem" here is that women have particular ways of viewing the world. It's not bad, just different. The desire to not want someone to be disappointed or have their feelings hurt sometimes causes ladies to push things in the wrong direction. If you've ever seen the mother from That 70's Show, you'll know what I mean. That character would rather cover everything up with a smile instead of address the problem.
If a PNM knows in her heart that she is not right for XYZ, then we should respect that and have full confidence in a woman to know herself and exercise her own good judgement.
.....Kelly
