[DubaiSis]

It doesn't really matter what Phi Mu means to anyone else but you. And since you are trying to fix your emotional relationship with Phi Mu after you've de-activated, I don't think there's anything for you to do besides realized you made a ridiculous mistake and move on. If by chance you haven't finalized your de-activation, then stop. You are a young girl with hormones in overdrive, and very probably a tremendously distorted view of what sorority is and what it "feels" like. Back it up and start thinking about this group of women as people, friends, girls, classmates and not some heaven-sent icon who is there to make your life perfect.

And if it is too late for you to recant, then you should spend some quality time thinking about the lifelong repercussions of going off half-cocked and endeavor to not do that again.