Alright, so I know the title may have you going "Huh?", but it will all makes sense in the end.
Now would probably be a good time to have me shed some light on my Rho Gamma. I didn't like her. From the moment I met her, she just gave off this really fake vibe to me. Whenever she talked it just seemed like... I don't know, I just didn't get a good vibe from her from the beginning. I am also not one to talk to someone who I feel is fake. Therefore, talking to her about my feelings about what was going on through my recruitment process was strange and I just couldn't do it. (I later found out she was part of
Viva La Vera and it kind of all made sense.)
So the day of Pref Knight rolls around and I am relaxing and feeling pretty good about
Very Berry Paisley. Of course the thought that my Rho Gamma might call me had crossed my mind, but it got to the point where it was about an hour and a half until we were supposed to check in and I hadn't heard from her. So I figured I was in the clear. I went to start doing my hair, when my phone rang and my Rho Gamma's nickname popped up as the person calling. Immediately my heart sank all the way to China. I knew this was not going to be good news. So with a very heavy heart I answered the phone. My worst fears had come true, nobody wanted me. I had not been asked back to
Very Berry Paisley and I was dropped from Recruitment. (Please don't stop reading here! I promise there is more to this story and there is a point I really hope to make!) The worst part of it was I wanted nothing more than to talk it out with a bunch of tears and get a big hug in the end telling me it will work out somehow if it was meant to be, but because I was alone at home thirty minutes away from a RG and I really couldn't talk to mine in a way that felt genuine, I told her I was fine and hung up the phone.
I immediately started crying. I was so upset with myself. No one wanted me. Never in any of my wildest dreams had I pictured not ending up running home to sisters on the Saturday of Bid Day. Never. I was a hot mess of emotions and I had no one that I felt comfortable talking to that could help me or understand what I had gone through. It was a hard first few weeks at school. I bore no grudge against ANYONE in the greek system at my school and I definitely still don't. I even went through the rush process for Delta Zeta, but I didn't end up getting a bid and looking back I am kind of glad because they are a great sorority, but they just weren't the right for me.
So, the point I wanted to make with writing out my recruitment story is that not everyone does have a happy ending and I hope this makes you all appreciate the sisters you have so much more because you found them and they have changed your lives for the better. Some people don't get that opportunity as much as they want to. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Trust me, I have felt sorry for myself enough for everybody in the world this past year.
To make sense of my title "Put on pause until 2013", this year I am going to be at a community college due to financial reasons and will be back at UCF in Fall 2013 if all goes well. Which means that I will go through Recruitment once more, but this time I'm not going to be someone I'm not. I'm not going to try to be someone who I thought the sororities would want. I'm not going to wear a dress everyday with my pearls because I think that's what these ladies are expecting. I'm going to ask more questions and engage in more intelligent conversations to get to know the women on a deeper level. All in all, I'm going to be myself. I promise to the entire GC community that I will go through Recruitment in 2013 and I will be myself through and through. And if I don't find my sisters, so be it. It means that things really weren't meant to be.
Thank you for reading my story!
Love,
B
