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Although I understand the intent of the post (and slightly humorous), some of the advice is not sound and this is read by everyone, troll or not.
*If you are thinking of dropping, DROP!
--> No, just no. This is terrible advice. Yes, they may end up dropping, but making the decision based on just thinking about it partially, will likely lead to regret.
*Do they haze?
--> It is illegal and everyone's policy to not haze. Do some people break the law/rules? YES. We don't know who and they won't tell you.
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