[RACooper]

Okay... this is a subject that I can relate to in a small way.... here goes.

Originally I was a pledge with Sigma Pi, which is a young org. on campus, but I enjoyed hanging with the guys and it seemed like an excellent oppurtunity to help make something great. Problem was they were desperate to increase their numbers because of pressure from HQ... so I think they let standards slide, and became more concerned with pledge tests instead of brotherhood or character. Long-story short, there was another pledge that I had issues with and at an event with another fraternity I confronted when I saw him put out a cigarette on the flag.... during our arguement, which I took outside, he lit up a joint (in letters), and started pissing on the house (the other frat's). I really tore into him about his lack of respect and general ignorance; he hit me, I knocked him out. The other guys got very pissed off becuase this guy was "popular" and his big was Prez.... needless to say I left after seening the true colours of these members. After two years a number of family friends mentioned that they were members of Lambda Chi Alpha, and after talking to them I decided to give fraternities another chance.

Now I had no real bad blood with the majority of the Sigma Pi's; but some hostility was there (the guy I slugged became Prez for 2 years), but most of the Alumni and guys I was a pledge with still get along with me. But that was a personal issue between me and the character of the fraternity.

Now in this past year at Lambda Chi Alpha something did happen that was close to what your friend experienced. There was a PNM that I had issues with (me being Rush Chair)... basically he could be described as young, dumb, and full of cum (sorry army term). He would only think with his dick, and as a result he came off as one to most of the older guys. 1. He openly admitted that his sole reason for joining was to get laid. 2. He is one of those charming "players" that cared only about himself and having fun. When I expressed these concerns to members of our exec. I was told to relax, it's his right to act that way, after-all "he's 20, and this is what you do when your 20 and in a frat"... so I was over-ruled and he was initiated. Two months and many arguements over standards and his lack of respect for women later it all came to a head after a sorority "crush" event. My baby sister is in a sorority on campus and her house had a "crush" event, alot of the guys got invited (including me, but I declined... thought it might be awkward for my sister) including our "player". That night I get a call from my sister somewhat upset saying that she had been called a whore, slut, and a lesbian by this guy; all because she asked the girl that he was with if she was okay, because it looked like she had had too much to drink. Needless to say I was right pissed off but decided to wait until the morning for the whole story. That morning I get 3 calls from guys (from 2 other houses) complaining about the behavoir of some of our new guys, with specific mention made about mister "player" and the way he was treating the girls and specifically the way he treated my sister. I loose it, tell our prez, some other members, request an exec, and leave the house before I break the guys neck. Over the next couple of days the house becomes devided over the issue, with a lot of members pissed off at me for loosing my temper and calling the guy pretty much everything I could think of. On top of this "player" and his clique have confronted my sister and some of the girls from the sorority about it, telling her that she imagined it, or that she was drunk, or that he was joking. So now my sister is being treated like shit because of this, I'm being shit on by my brothers because of this, and house relations are going down the tubes because of this. In order to salvage relations, and to protect my sister, I tried to absorb most of the crap myself knowing that at least I'd be vindicated by the exec. Unfortunately it was me that was disciplined by our exec., my sister was called a liar, the felt the 3 other guys were just trying to stir shit up, I was called a liar, and they asked me to move out becuase they felt that my "threats" against the "player" made me a risk and he felt unsafe (I admit I did picture doing serious bodily harm to him after the "bro's before ho's" statement he made to another frat guy about the incident).
Needless to say I'm bitter about the whole incident and have considered just leaving the chapter..... but I haven't made a call either way yet.


Now when ever family is involved there will always be bad blood and bitterness. Your friends sister was almost raped by a brother; someone that he was supposed to have complete trust in. He probably feels very betrayed, and bitter about the whole event. Also how did his "brothers" react; some or most were probably on his side, but there is always some that would not have believed his sister. This is probibly what has put him off the fraternity for good, and I can only imagine the bitterness and bad-taste the whole thing leaves in his mouth. I can understand why he doesn't want to drag the whole thing up again by explaining the whole thing to another fraternity. However if he doesn't it will only be worse when (because it will) comes out. Perhaps there is a compromise: could he tell the executive? or some other small group that would hold it in confidence and perhaps help him become a member of their org? Afterall I'm sure your friend will choose very carefully if he does decide to get invovled with another org.

I hope this helps somewhat.