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Make a appointment with the owner if you have no HR dept.
I would document everything that she has done in the past that has prevented her from being a quality team player. Make a list of what she needs to do as well as an attitude change in order for her not to be replaced. Explain to your boss that you'd like to make sure that the company is using her talents effectively. Suggest to your boss that a document signed by him putting her on probation so the screwy secretary knows it was his idea and she no longer wastes his valuable time with petty requests. Put her on notice that this kind of behavior will no longer be tolerated in the workplace. Give her 2 weeks to clean up her act.
When she was hired, did she sign a statement about being hired at-will? If she did just drop her asap and get a qualified temp if that's allowed.
Also lock up whatever personal items you have at the office because I suspect she's looking through your things as well when you're gone.
She obviously isn't qualified to do your job or else she would have had it when she was initially hired.
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