[DubaiSis]

I have dealt with cancer around me lately far more than anyone should have to. I'm going to make a couple of huge leaps here so please forgive me if I am completely off the mark. You have had a seriously sucky couple years. Your self confidence is shot because you don't look as good as you think you should and you probably are not feeling like a ray of sunshine either. So you are continuing on with your life (and we can all applaud that) and you are trying to live your life as normally as possible.

You weren't prepared for how exhausting, both physically and emotionally, rush can be, and you didn't do as well in the process as you'd hoped or expected. I can tell you the beauty queens of America have moments feeling the exact same way going through rush. I remember the very first time I ever felt inadequate in my entire life, and it was sitting in the union with 600 other girls the night before rush started. This process is brutal.

So, what can you do. COB is a good choice for you because the schedule isn't as regimented and it is neither as emotionally or physically as exhausting. HOWEVER, the strongest, most popular chapters will not be rushing so you do need to be open to the least prestigious chapters on campus. Including the one you dropped, if they will let you. But remember that the goal you're after is friends and a sense of normalcy in your life. You can get all that with ANY chapter on campus. Find girls you like in any of the chapters who are inviting you to events. And remember it's making friends, not a beauty contest.

ETA: and yes, you would have. Had you have attended all of the parties to which you were invited, you would have been offered a bid. You were invited to one. Therefore the worry portion of the process was over. But that's water under the bridge.