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I really feel your pain because I was in exactly the same position last year when my daughter went through rush. She's at a small, midwestern school with a heavy Greek presence and talked about joining a sorority since high school. She didn't fare well at rush and it was very tough for both of us. The first round of cuts was somewhat disappointing but she accepted that she probably didn't fit in at some of the sorority houses and felt she still had some good choices that she hadn't originally considered but saw might be better fits.
After the second round of cuts, she was pretty devastated (there's only two rounds and then prefs) and she only got one pref invite to a sorority she really never clicked with. She chose not to go to pref and they gave her a bid anyway which she declined. It was tears galore...the classic "I just don't get it". It was very tough to handle for her - on her floor, 13 out of 14 girls went through rush and 12 of 13 got bids. She spent the rest of the semester watching her good friends do all the fun sorority stuff and it was tough for her.
But she persevered and held her head up high. She withdrew a little bit initially but then reconnected and really found the girls she liked alot and ended the semester on a somewhat positive note.
She starts her soph year with some trepidation - knowing that the good friendships she made from her freshman dorm will be tested as all the girls are now living in houses and she's in a single in a dorm. But she's planning on re-rushing (I can't decide if that's a good thing or bad, I'm not sure I can take the disappointment again!) and I think has a clearer picture of which houses are right for her.
I've encouraged her, in the meantime, to get involved in other activities but it's really on her to do that.
As she went through this, I sent a lot of heartfelt e-mails (she got tired of the "are you okay" phone calls) just supporting her and commending her for the grace and dignity with which she handled all the rejection. I cried a lot with my own girlfriends -as I know she did with hers - and that helped relieve some of my own pain. Mother pain is the very worst kind because you feel so helpless at a time when you want to help so much.
Plus, your daughter still has 3 houses left and it only takes one! And if she has an open mind, then this could very well have a happy ending.
Please let us know how it turns out and I'll keep my fingers crossed for the best.
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