Aw! You guys are making me feel so special! I thought I bored everyone to tears with my last post so I got lazy about writing updates. Not to mention, everything gets so hectic and busy with recruitment, I didn't feel like I even had a spare minute!!
Anyways, this is what has transpired since round II. When I got my invites back for Round III, I was tickled pink. A few houses I had thought were nice didn't invite me back, but I couldn't really see myself in them. However, my two BIG favorites invited me back and I couldn't have been happier. I wanted to refrain from using names just to save the feelings of those who are affilliated with certain sororities I like, or dislike, but I'm going to throw a few important ones out there.
Chi Omega inviting me back was huge. When I left after round two, I was on could nine. My face hurt from smiling so much and I KNEW they would ask me back. The girls remembered everything about me from Round I, I felt totally at home and, I don't know, I just knew. Chi O could be home for me. When I left after Round III from Chi Omega, I started crying. I was so overwhelmed by the thought that these incredibly awesome girls could be my SISTERS. I had had an almost transcendent experience at the house. When I watched the videos, I saw myself. I saw girls I had only met a few times, but felt like I was watching friends. My talks with the girls were great and I noticed I spoke with a lot of New Member Educators. I just knew I was so in that house. As long as I got Chi Omega back, I was gold. When I left the house, the tears flowed b/c I was so happy I had found where I wanted to spend the next three years of my college life. It was such an amazing, safe, moment.
My roommate is really superstitious and when I told her I was sure that I was going Chi O, she was displeased b/c she thought the skull and crossbones was bad luck. That night I went to bed totally content and looking forward to the next morning. I went for a run first thing when I got up, did some stadiums, and ran over to the Student Union. I sat down, recieved my slip and my eyes glazed over and my heart shattered. It wasn't on there. There were exactly three houses, only one of which I was remotely interested in. I tapped my favorite Rho Chi on the shoulder and asked her to come outside with me. I broke down, I was so crushed. For the past year, I've heard from more people, that I would be a PERECT XO. After going through, I thought everyone that had told me that, had nailed it right on the head. I couldn't imagine going anywhere else at that point. Didn't those girls realize what I could be for them? What they could be for me? That I was meant to be there?? I sobbed a lot, but there was no way my body could keep up with the thoughts racing through my head....
This is it, my last chance as a sophomore and it's over. My dream of being greek at UF is over. No tailgates at football parties. No meals at the house. I'll never live in a sorority house. No chapter meetings, no sisters, no nothing. What would my other friends rushing think? What was XO thinking??? What would my fraternity friends think? I feel like such a loser, what didn't I have? Why didn't Chi Omega realize how great I was for them??? Was there a mistake, didn't they realize??? Could they go back and fix it? This couldn't really be the end...
Finally my thoughts turned a corner, and I begand to focus much more on how much Chi Omega messed up, rather than asking what was wrong with me. Unfortunately, it's an imperfect system, and I guess I slipped through the cracks. I feel badly for XO because now they'll never know what they missed out on. My Rho Chi half convinced me to go through with prefs, and I turned in my slip. The only house I was even mildly interested in was Kappa Kappa Gamma. But they had always been nice to me, and clearly they saw something in me that they found worthwhile. I started thinking about myself in that sorority and liked what I was imagining. I felt like I could really add something to that house. I didn't just blend in my head at Kappa as I did at Chi O, but I felt like I could make more of an impact there, if that makes sense. And that was a good feeling, like I could stick out there instead of being one of a mass. Plus, the Kappa house is just beautiful, it's close to my dorm, and they are without doubt, a classy bunch of ladies.
What really sealed the deal with my good friend Dave though. I was futon shopping today and he came on the radio in the car and a certain lyric popped out at me.
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest
She ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind's eye is...
Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a better road I feel
So you could say she's safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She'll make the best of what's around
Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
So, after hearing that, I felt like I was closing my mind off because I was hanging too tightly on to Chi Omega. I kind of imagined Kappa as the light I ran up to surprised. I know regardless of what happens, my attitude will pull me through because I'll make the best of it.
So, tonight was pref night. (BTW - Round III I wore a killer strapless (but classy, not tacky) dress with this awesome looking vintage flower print on it in Blue and Cream. I had a little cardy tied around my shoulders and the good ol' CZ's in the ears. I wore these cute new sparkly white thong shoes with wooden soles I recently got. I looked awesome) Tonight I wore a simple black dress with some beading around the bust and hem and black shoes. I curled my hair, but nothing else too exciting. I think I looked nice.
Anyways, the houses. The first two houses were not great for me. The girls were pleasant, but hardly sisterly. Especially after the bond I felt at XO, the whole thing felt cheesy and I really wanted it to be over. But it was an experience and I'm glad I went through it.
Finally I got to Kappa. I cried about Chi O right before we went in, for about the tenth time today. After the disappointment I felt at the first two houses of my pref round, I didn't think Kappa held out much hope. The girls came out in beautiful white dresses and were carrying flowers. The girl called out our names, and even though I'm registered under my real name, they remembered I liked to be called Molly. First really good sign. I was approached by a girl that I had spoken with before and was relieved to see a familiar face. We had a really great talk, the house looked beautiful, once again, NOT CHEESEY, so things were looking up. As I got more into the flow of conversation, I opened up (hopefully not too much), about how Kappa was my favorite house I was preffing and how I felt really comfortable with the girls there, how I was touched that they saw something great in me. She was really flattered, and told me how several girls were fighting over who got to talk to me. That definitely made my day. I hope I didn't lay my enthusiasm for the house on too thick though. I tend to be really emotive and thus, when I get enthusiastic, I get a littel eager. We walked into a room that was swathed in white. There was a small ceremony and the girls sang some songs. Something I LOVED was that they were traditional Kappa songs, not some popular sappy song of the moment like at the other houses. No cheesy synth background or anything. Just pretty chants that directly pertained to their chapter. The whole thing felt really holy, and looking around I felt this sense of pride that these girls could be my sisters. As we left, I felt this momentary sense of doom, that I was not comingi back, like I had gotten my hopes up again and now they were just going to be dashed. Like there was no way I would recieve a bid to Kappa.
So anyways, fast forward to about an hour or so ago. I preffed Kappa first and they other two after that. I would have suicided, but supposedly, the computer makes you ineligable for a bid if you do that. I do know that if I recieve a bid from someone other than KKG I'll decline and just accept that that's how the cookie crumbled. I'll be disappointed, but, I think I'm ready for massive disappointed after the crushing blow I suffered today. My hopes are not high. Prefs made me really like Kappa. I can't say I loved it, b/c the only love I know from recruitment is Chi O. I'm still pretty raw on that. But everything happens for a reason, and if I get a bid to Kappa, that's where I need to be, and I'll embrace my new home. Chi Omega broke my heart today, but perhaps it was for the best. Who knows the friends I have waiting for me at Kappa, or outside the greek system if I don't get a bid. I think I've braced myself for tomorrow, but I'd better get a good nights sleep just the same.
Thank you guys for being so interested! It's definitely been an interesting, exciting, fun, and trying week. Know that whatever happens, I'm going to be great. I have the delicious ability to bounce back and see the best in everything.
I'll be sure to post as soon as I can about what happens.
M
