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Old 08-29-2018, 10:03 AM
Pinecone Pinecone is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 11
I think that there are depths to this as well that make the whole issue "stick" more than it probably should. Part of the issue is that sororities (and fraternities) are still stuck in somewhat of a gender-based rut. I say this knowing many current sorority members are very smart and accomplished and many successful women were in a sorority once. I think the correlate to cheerleading is apt, actually. Both are based on some less shallow aspects (i.e., GPA for sororities, actual athletic ability) as well as shallow aspects that are very gendered (being feminine, being pretty in a particular way, dressing in a particular way, having just the right about of sexiness but not too much). (In fact, I was also caught in the web of wanting to be a cheerleader, which if you met me now would really make you laugh. I even "made it" one year! It had no effect on my happiness and I felt like a fraud the whole time).

So, if you are young and trying to figure out who you are and where you fit as a woman, it makes sense that something so tied in with femininity and womanhood would loom so large. There are lots of problems with traditional gender roles, though, as you know already, and feeling badly because you might not have perfectly toed the line is not where we want or need young women to be!

In addition, I think that everyone is trying to fit in somewhere and wondering if they ever will. Greek letters give the impression of a sense of belonging that everyone longs for. But the truth is it is possible to feel lonely, rejected, and out of the group in a sorority, too, as you've noted. It's not exactly a mirage I would say but it is somewhere between a mirage and that sort of deep connection you only have with rare best friends.

I hope these posts have helped? You seem like a really thoughtful young woman, with a really interesting and varied life ahead of you. Maybe you can learn something from this rush experience, but probably not-- you could always try but I would say spend a few minutes out of your life on it, tops. And definitely don't think of rush as something where people would "test" you in some specific way-- things are much less organized and methodical (and focused on any one person) than that. Honestly I wouldn't even talk to your good friend about it-- your friendship doesn't need to be based on your bad feelings about something she has (and is not even sure she wants). Don't let it loom too (or at all) large!
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