[Momoffour]

I've been reading on this site for quite a few years in preparation for my oldest to participate in rush when it was her turn. I am an active member in my alumnae group, and served as Panhellenic Delegate and Membership Director for my chapter. I am very aware of how the rush process works. My organization is very strong in the south, especially Texas where I pledged. It was very competitive when I rushed, but thankfully I was clueless all those years ago, and I got into a very sought after house without even realizing that it was competitive.
When my daughter decided to attend a school that doesn't have my chapter. My mission was to make sure that her resume was perfect, her recs were complete, and that her rush outfits were on point. I found out which chapters were strong at her school, and which ones weren't as selective, but told her to go through with an open mind. ( I know I said it, but did really mean it.)
Being that we are two very different personalities, I thought that she may have a different experience than I would have had, but I really wasn't mentally prepared for HER choices. She's a very pretty, smart girl, but she is very quiet. She'll be the first to admit that she's an introvert and would rather curl up with a good book than attend a big party. (Very unlike me) She isn't nearly as outspoken as I am.
She attended open house and then listed her choices in order. I was shocked when she told me that she had listed the stronger two houses last and one of the less competitive houses first. Apparently they had put her with their pageant girls and cheerleaders, and she felt very uncomfortable. Of course I told her that they were only a few members out of a large chapter and even though she wasn't interested in those things, she could still have things in common with other members.
Thankfully, she had a full schedule the next round and was invited back to all of the houses. She once again visited the two stronger houses, and told me that she really wasn't comfortable with them. My heart sank. She said she really liked the girls in one of the smaller houses. I bit my tongue and told her she had to do what was right for her.
For pref round, she chose one of the two sought after houses as well as the smaller house where she really liked the girls. She put the competitive house second on her MRABA and listed the less selective house first. I was heartbroken. I would have definitely chosen the other house, but SHE was happy. After speaking with her, my husband could tell that I was very upset. He pointed out to me that it was HER rush, not mine and that I needed to let her be with who she was most comfortable with. I sucked it up and met her for bid day. When I saw her, she was elated! I cannot deny how happy she was. I know that she will have lifelong friends and has found her home.
As a mom, I am still disappointed that she didn't choose to list the stronger chapter as her first selection. I know that even if she did list them first, she may not have gotten a bid from them. The point is that I know that I was projecting what I wanted for her, not what she actually wanted. I know that it's also an ego thing for me, because we are very prominent in our community, and would love to be able to say that she pledged one of the bigger, stronger southern houses. I've read about mothers that interfere with their daughter's Bid Day parties by refusing to let their daughter's participate and making them reject their bids. I cannot even imagine doing this to my daughter. She would be crushed.
My point here is that you really have to step back and let it be THEIR rush, not yours. I told her that I'm glad that she's found her group and I know that she will be very happy with her new sisters.