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Old 10-06-2021, 01:20 PM
navane navane is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,873
Quote:
Originally Posted by newtotheu View Post
I will likely lose my parent soon. I wouldn't let sorority interfere with time with family, but I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time.
Oh no, I am sorry to hear that you are facing the loss of your parent. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy and it's tough to face so many decisions in what I imagine is a sad time for you.


Quote:
For non-traditional demographics, I'm 23- almost 24 but look older, single, no kids, autistic, work full-time, had a job since I was 14, plus size, have MS, currently a virtual student across the country, part of the LGBTQ crowd, returning to college but have few credits that will transfer in since my new school doesn't have equivalent classes so I've got 3.5-4 years left of college, childhood family is low-income, off-campus commuter student usually, first generation college student, mixed ethnic family, etc.

I know I'm "old" for a sorority and was afraid to post my age out of getting slammed for it, but I still do have a student-focused lifestyle. I've had depression/anxiety and eating disorders, and also didn't know I was autistic until I was an adult. Those things kind of set me back academically for a long time until now. I've lost 2 older brothers already (cancer and heart failure). They were way older than me. My grandma raised me most of the time, so I feel like I'm non-traditional or a bit different in a few ways. I've got 3.5-4 years of college left so I still have plenty of time to experience greek life. Being autistic I've always been kind of socially/developmentally behind so I think I will still fit in to a college crowd in 4 years. I never pursued it before because I couldn't afford greek life and was a commuter student before.
Thank you for being brave and for your honesty!

Ok...there's a lot to unpack here. Thank you for your willingness to let us have a little more insight. This will help us better help you sort out the best course of action. I hope it's alright, but I will be honest with you about my opinions, ok?

Edited to add: Other people were posting replies while I was drafting my response. So, others have touched on some of these discussion points already.

First...without knowing the specific campus you attend, most of these things aren't some kind of major dealbreaker in and of themselves. I think you may be overthinking a lot of these things based on sterotypes of sororities. For example, things like being 23/24 years old, coming from a mixed race family or a low-income childhood have zero bearing to me. Then again, I'm from Southern California. Maybe these factors are a big deal elsewhere in the country or at really expensive universities. (???)

Working full time, plus size, LGBTQ, MS....alone those aren't insurmountable. Adding depression/anxiety and eating disorder in start to make the odds lower. So, putting all those factors all together at once is quite a bit of an obstacle course to get through in terms of getting through sorority recruitment. Now, it's not because sororities are "afraid" of MS, or because sororities are biased against depression, or because LGBTQ is not welcome....No! That is not the case! It's because all of these factors lining up signal that it could be more difficult for you to be a full participating member and to a) contribute to the sorority and b) receive your full benefit of being a member.

Being on the autism spectrum "could" be a factor in that you report some struggles with socializing with large groups, etc. and that is a large part of what rushing and being a sorority member is about. BUT....you are not the first person on the spectrum that Greek life has ever seen!

Here's the kicker - YOU RECEIVED A BID!

There is a sorority that wants YOU for a member! YOU GOT PICKED!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by carnation View Post
Most sororities refuse to discuss AI with an undergrad.
Carnation is correct. We need to discuss this AI idea with you.

Alumnae initiation polices vary from sorority to sorority. Generally speaking, most, if not all, sororities require you to be fully out of college (undergrad) before you can be considered for AI. Some don't require any college at all and some require the candidate to have some college completed (2 years) or hold a bachelor's degree. As an undergraduate student, you will likely not be eligible for AI - you are expected to go through sorority recruitment like everyone else. If they sent you the materials, it may be because they weren't aware that you are still an undergraduate student.

Second, there are ZERO guarantees that you will be offered AI. AI is not a situation where you submit an application in the mail and then they write back offer you a bid. Nope. In many ways, AI can be considered more difficult than sorority rush. You will most certainly have to attend in-person events with the alumnae chapter over the course of many months. The alumnae chapter will probably question you about why a 23 year old is trying to AI. All of the factors you mentioned above will still be in play and now you're potentially facing a crowd of 40 to 80 year olds to tell your life story.

Next, alumnae membership is not at all like collegiate membership. Going to a luncheon with older women is not the same as going to a football tailgate party with a bunch of co-eds. If you're looking for the "sorority experience", you will not likely find it in the way you hope with AI.

You said above, "I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time." That's completely understandable. To be honest with you, being approved for AI is a LONG process. It can be as quick as 3-6 months or it could potentially take 3 YEARS once you're eligible.....and you're not currently eligible until you leave undergrad. Your family situation is happening right NOW.....AI is not going to be a support system to you at the present time.


So.......it sounds to me that the dilemma is this:

1) Initiate with the sorority which offered you a bid this semester. Possibly not ever return back to that campus. The sorority would have to put you on alumnae status. That sorority does not have a collegiate or alumnae chapter in your current area. You would be a member, but you wouldn't have sisters in your area to interact with.

2) Withdraw from pledging your current sorority. Wait 4 years to graduate. Apply for AI with a group closer to you. Understand that they may not offer you membership at all.


Honestly? I would probably stick with the sorority that is offering you a bid today. You said there was still a chance for you to return to that campus in spring semester. Even if not, you may be able to work with your sorority to go on some kind of inactive status with a pending return Fall 2022. It is possible that you may not ever receive a bid again. Your current sorority could open up an alumnae chapter near you in the future. There are a lot of variables. However, in your case, it may be wise to take the deal you have right now.
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Last edited by navane; 10-06-2021 at 01:34 PM.