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To the OP, you really should have considered that before you picked your school. At this point, if you're serious about this, you should transfer. I don't get the grad student user name and what you're asking. If you're in grad school you may have missed your chance, but should still inquire with some chapters at schools you'd be willing to transfer to.
Regarding non-members being involved... while many things are similar about the way an undergraduate chapter operates from one org to another, the advisory/governance side is often very different.
My fraternity is an old major national and we operate with an a board system. It is primarily advisory in practice, but has significant governance powers over the overall local org (chapter, alumni assoc, & liaison function with housing corp). Within that corporate board structure, the majority of are obviously alumni. However, there is no restriction that trustees be initiates. When establishing a new chapter, we routinely pull in parents, faculty, and possibly even someone from the community. With established chapters, the faculty advisor (mostly for signing stuff) sometimes sits on that board, and about half the time they'll have a parent's club rep as a trustee. Male non-initiates who make a solid contribution after serving on such boards for a while are often honorary initiated. Obviously that is not the greek experience that everyone else had though.
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