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Old 09-13-2009, 08:51 AM
Zillini Zillini is offline
GreekChat Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 1,011
KKGDGMom, I'm sorry your daughter is hurt and disappointed. I understand why you are feeling the same way for her.

Obviously I was not there but more importantly please keep in mind you were not there either. You do not know how well she did or didn't relate to the actives during the parties, nor do you know what happened during the membership selection meetings. Your daughter may be an amazing young woman, but maybe that didn't shine through. Some possible explanations:
Originally Posted by kkgdgmom View Post
-she is an out of state student.
Perhaps nobody knew her very well.
She was a legacy at KKG, DG, Theta, and about devasting, her sister is currently a "sitting "sister at KKG"
By "sitting sister" I assume that means an in house, as in currently active, sister. The other Chapters may have assumed she would go KKG. Fair or not, this is a common assumption with in house sisters. She may have been released because other Chapters thought they had no chance, so why not give that invite to someone who they have a better chance with.

As for why the in house legacy Chapter released her, it happens. Even that is no guarantee. Perhaps your older daughter simply didn't have enough "pull" with the other actives?

I'm also wondering if the older sister invited her to campus to visit last year? This would have given the actives a better chance to get to know her. If she did visit and knew the actives, then perhaps they didn't feel she would fit in.
and she assumed that she was a shoo-in
You can never assume anything. Perhaps she came across as cocky without even realizing it. That can be a real turn off.
she is a pretty (an Elite model), smart (at the University on a full scholarship for being a National Merit Scholar) and has a many hours logged in community service.
I have seen some less competitive Chapters assume because of all these great traits that they have no chance with a PNM. Might as well release her and give that spot to someone who they have a better shot of actually accepting a bid.
She was also very familiar with playing the game of looking put together and telling the girls that she was very interested in their house.
That is quite telling IMO. She viewed it as "playing a game" saying she is interested. Perhaps she did not come across as sincere, at least not sincere enough to overcome some of the other possible issues.
She did not mention many of her accomplishments, hoping the girls would like her for her personality.
Why wouldn't she tell the actives about all the great things she has done and how she could benefit their Chapter? Personality is important, but if a gazillion PNMs have a great personality they will choose those who are the "whole package": great personality, strong resume, strong GPA, etc.

With a full slate of legacy recommendations
Did she have Recs to all the Chapters or just her legacy Chapters?
, she was interviewed by all of the executive committee members
"Interviewed by the Exec Committee"? I'm not sure what that means in a Formal Recruitment setting. Are you saying she was introduced to Exec officers? A lot of Chapters introduce as many PNMs as possible to Exec officers. Again, that is no guarantee of anything.

- who told her that they couldn't wait to see her back the next day, only to cut her.
While saying they want to see her the next day is a Recruitment violation, it too isn't a guarantee. It might have been a honest slip up. It might have been that they truly meant that but it was only the opinion of a few members. A few members can be outvoted by the rest of the Chapter.

Keep in mind, the goal of every Chapter is for every PNM to leave thinking the Chapter loved them. Nobody wants a PNM to feel she is not liked or wanted. Besides as said before, perhaps those actives who recruited her did like her and want her, but there were other PNMs who were liked/wanted more by the whole Chapter. Granted I don't know the membership selection process any other GLO besides my own, but it is safe to say it is a democratic process in that it is a majority decision.

Although she does not drink, she is not "preachy" about what others choose to do.
That's great. Did she convey this to the Chapters? That might have back fired. Talking about alcohol and her opinions is not a good topic during Recruitment no matter what her opinion is.

She was looking for an opportunity for community service, leadership, and a place to belong...only to be shut out
That's great too. However, you stated that she did not talk about her accomplishments. How was the Chapter supposed to know what she has done and what she wants to do if she doesn't tell them? Besides, most PNMs are looking for an opportunity to do all those things as well.

she did not understand how all of the legacies on her dorm floor were asked to pledge and she was not.
You cannot compare one PNMs situation or results to another.
AphiAnna you obviously do not have any daughters.
I don't know that she does or doesn't, do you? Besides, having or not having daughters does not preclude anyone from providing good advice or explanations about Recruitment. The only thing having a daughter can do is provide someone with a better understanding of a parent's pain when their child is in pain. But even those without kids can still relate to that.
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