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Old 09-21-2017, 05:02 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Oahu, Hawaii
Posts: 5,752
Originally Posted by Momoffour View Post
My daughter went through rush and pledged the chapter where she felt most comfortable. She is very happy with her new sisters and is looking forward to becoming a member. When going through rush, she knew that her chapter wasn't considered the popular group on campus, but that didn't matter to her because she really loved the girls that she had met. What I'm concerned about is the chapter appears to be seriously struggling. We knew that they had missed quota, but found out that it was by a significant amount. (They got about 60% of quota.) Of course they are trying to add to that with COB. She has made friends with some of the girls in her pledge class and really likes them. She was surprised that one is a senior. She asked her big sister why they had pledged a senior, because she thought that was something unusual, and was told that they couldn't afford to be picky. (Four have already dropped out of her pledge class.) I told her that it worries me because I would hate for her to be initiated, then have her chapter close. I told her that once she's an actual member, she'd be able to contribute to the membership selection process. I have two questions regarding all of this. The first, how is it decided when a chapter needs to close on a campus? I know that each organization is different, but was wondering if there are guidelines. My second question has to do with advisors. I am a member of another organization and was very active in our panhellenic and membership selection process. I would be more than happy to help them with recruitment preparation and give them some advice on how to carry conversations, open ended questions, etc. However, I would never want to step on the toes of any of their current advisors or go against any of their policies. I would never expect to be a part of their membership selection process. Do organizations allow people from outside to help them prepare for recruitment? From what my daughter has told me, many of the girls going through recruitment felt like conversations were forced and awkward. I think that with some guidance, these things can begin to change next year. I'm just hoping that there will be a next year.
You JUST posted this thread a week and a half ago, and you came off like you were struggling with your daughter's decision more than she was.

It still seems that way.

Please take all of this advice that you were given:

Originally Posted by QueenD View Post
5) please remember that this is not your problem. It's your daughters chapters problem. All you can do at the end of the day is be supportive of your daughter and suggest things she and her sisters might try. I would let your daughter raise any suggestions about your involvement with the chapter. If she were to tell the fish chair ON HER OWN WITHOUT YOUR PRODDING "Hey, my mom trains beta beta beta chapters onrecruitment skills. Would you like her to come give a workshop to the gamma gammas?" And they accept then great. But don't push it, because it's not your circus and again - people doing much advising for a chapter while their family member is in the chapter is not appropriate.
Originally Posted by MysticCat View Post
.....My experience in situations like this is that expressing your own worry risks passing that worry along to your child. And it can mean she's not only dealing with her own worries and the chapter's challenges, but she now may feel some responsibility for allaying your worries.
Listen and respond to what worries her. But don't add to what she's adjusting to and growing into by telling her what worries you about the situation.
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
She really loved the girls she met. That's all you need to know. You can encourage her on her own to do things that will help her chapter's reputation and visibility: always look nice when wearing letters, be friendly and sociable to other members of ALL groups in the Greek system, get involved in extracurricular activities. But now is not the time for her (or you) to tell the chapter to do that. Sometimes the best leading is silently leading by example.
Every sorority has different policies on closing chapters due to numbers, and in every situation, it depends on the circumstances; the type of school, the Greek environment, alumnae support, outlook for the future, etc. A year before I joined my chapter, they were down to four members. When I was active, we never reached more than 20 sisters. But I was on a campus with three NPC sororities, all chapters only did COB at the time, and Greek life wasn't as popular. Again, every situation is different.

But do you know what my mom did while I was in school, holding three or more positions with the sorority at once, and working my tail off during recruitment? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because she knew that it was my choice, I was happy, and I enjoyed the struggle. If I had turned to her for help, she would have helped. But it wasn't her battle.

And today, my chapter is thriving, and it makes me happy to know that I had some part in that. I enjoyed being in a smaller chapter where I had more of an impact, and I was very close with all of my sisters. But everyone is different. Some people want to go to a giant state school, and others like smaller class sizes at a lesser-known private university. Some people want to hold leadership positions, while others want to join committees. Some people thrive in an environment where they're asked to do a lot, and some just want to do a minimal amount and enjoy the more social aspects of being a member of an organization. Everyone has their own path, and your daughter has chosen hers.

So let her struggle. And let her be happy. And help her only when you're asked.
I believe in the values of friendship and fidelity to purpose

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