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Old 08-05-2009, 12:34 AM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,900
This one deserves a bump for the 2009 season (there are some REALLY good posts here). Esepcially this one by AChiOSnap:

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap View Post
This is my brutally honest advice. It's not very nice; it's blunt and it's not sugarcoated. However it IS based off of lots of experience personally dealing with disappointed PNMs, and based on some themes that have been especially prevalent on GC this recruitment season. I think its important for people to hear this straight instead of some of the sugary feel-good BS that people have shoveled to disappointed PNMs since the beginning of time. Here goes:

Handle the rejection gracefully:

It's absolutely fine to be disappointed if you've been released from recruitment. It's even fine to cry. It's crushing to really really want something for a whole summer or longer and have it not play out. Seriously, grab a tub of Ben & Jerry's (or a sheetcake, depending on how much of an emotional binge eater you are) and a movie and feel sorry for yourself for a day or two.

But get over it ASAP. I don't mean that you have to stop feeling bad, but stop dwelling on the rejection publicly. The longer you act like a dejected loser, or the longer you whine about how mean the sororities are for cutting you, the more unflattering assumptions people will make about your personal character.

I know this thread is about PNMs that are released from recruitment, but I've always wanted to say this, and I think I will while we're on the subject: If you got INTO a sorority, but just not the one you wanted, don't cry about it to your new sisters on Bid Night. It's unimaginably immature, rude, and hurtful. Just depledge like a normal person and don't drag other excited actives and pledge classmates down with you. If decide you're going to give the runner up sorority a good old "college try", keep your mouth shut about how bad you really wanted to be an XYZ.

Be honest with yourself:

If you've been dropped from recruitment, was it because YOU cut a lot of the chapters initially or because you had an unrealistic "XYZ or bust" mentality? I'm pretty sure a solid majority of PNMs believe they "belong" in Phi Beta Popular, but most probably don't. On campuses with solidly stratified Greek Life, there are far more "lower tier" chapters than top tier chapters -- there simply aren't enough spaces for everyone to get in the "top" four or five sororities.

And you know what? At the end of the day, the "lesser" chapters stay open, meet or exceed quota every year, win Greek Week, have amazing sisterhoods with great parties, and nobody sits around crying because they don't have Phi Beta Popular letters embroidered on their Vera Bradley tote. So suck it up, be honest with yourself, and move on.

Complete PNM freakshows are relatively rare, and I simply DON'T believe that all of our unsuccessful GC PNMs this season were completely socially incompetent enough to have had such brutally unfair recruitments, as we've been led to believe. I think more often than not, PNMs don't "play the game" right or aim only for the top-tier sororities and end up disappointed. I know it hurts to get cut by all the "popular" sororities, but be realistic. If you're an average looking brunette with average grades, average activities, an average bank account and average clothes (no matter what your mom says), you didn't stand a chance at getting a bid to the sorority that only takes beautiful blonde 4.0 pre-med beauty pageant humanitarians from the wealthiest suburb in the state. You've been kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.

Try, try again?:

COB can be a fantastic option for PNMs who had unsuccessful formal recruitments, and I highly recommend it, if you can have a mature and graceful perspective on the process. This means swallowing your pride -- go back to chapters that dropped you, or that you dropped after the first night! Yes, as MANY as you can....even the lower tier chapters.

No, they don't hate you. No, the chapter is not going to talk about what a desperate loser you are for showing up after you were one of 500 PNMs they dropped after the first night. Show grace, poise, and a general willingness to "wipe the slate clean." Drop all the notions you developed about sororities during formal recruitment. I've often said this but PNMs AND chapters are allowed to shine during COB in ways that they can't during 15min FR parties. Try to see the chapter with new eyes; they're most likely returning the favor in spending more time to get to know YOU.

If rerushing or COBing, don't make the same dumb mistakes:

If you've been cut by every chapter once during FR, don't KEEP setting yourself up for disappointment. Figure out what you've done wrong and what you can do better. Ask your most brutally honest friend to help you out. Do you talk too much? Are you a bad listener? Do you nervously laugh at inappropriate times? Is your voice too loud, or are you so shy that you come across as having the conversation skills of a mouse? Are your clothes smelly? Has some girl in your hall shit-talked about you to a bunch of sorority members because you slept with her boyfriend? Finding out what you did wrong or how you can improve can better inform your strategy for how you'll conduct yourself during rerushing or COB parties.

And for the love of god, DON'T just go to one COB party for the highest tiered chapter holding COB.

Don't hate on Greek Life

Becoming anti-sorority in the wake of being released from FR just makes you look like you've got a raging case of the jealousy virus. Sour grapes are never attractive. If XYZ dropped you, talking crap about them does not help you "save face," it just makes you look juvenile. If you realize sorority life isn't for you after all, then that's great! Move on with your life and don't dwell on the disappointments.

Moving on:

Get involved with clubs, meet people (how do you think re-rushers have successful second recruitments? THEY GOT OUT AND MET SORORITY WOMEN!), put your money where your mouth is about how much you loooooove philanthropy and volunteer for non-sorority philanthropic efforts on campus, study hard, pick your major, start a workout plan, do some research with a professor, get a boyfriend, get a job.... keep your life busy and you'll be that much more comfortable in your own skin. Maybe you'll even decide you're having so much fun at college that the idea of a sorority loses its appeal. Maybe you'll want to be in one even more.

The bottom line is that YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for your happiness in a given situation. Life doesn't stop because you got dropped from sorority recruitment, and college is not going to suck just because you didn't get a bid the first time you rushed. Life is what you make of it, so dry your tears and get back in the game. Rejection can only make you stronger, and this is not the last time you'll ever be this disappointed. Think of this experience as a class in the School of Life, and allow yourself to learn from it instead of fighting it.
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

Lakers Nation.

Last edited by KSUViolet06; 08-15-2011 at 01:20 AM.
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