I'll admit I can be stubborn at times, but...not like she is. Like I was saying earlier, I just wanted to sqaush it and move on. I sent her a text message last night and one this morning. She never responded. It takes two people to listen and communicate. I'm not going to take blame for some shit I didn't do. She does this all the time, and there have been times where I apologized. They're rarely sincere because if I feel I haven't done anything where an apology should come from me, then I'm not going to know what I'm apologizing for. So fuck it LOL.

Sorry dude, but I'm not taking fault when I didn't do shit to take fault. Do you take fault with your girl if she did some shit where you and her knew she was in the wrong? You can't call irony about something you don't know anything about.

I buy about 85-90 percent of this. The key is in being with a partner whom you respect as much as you love. It makes it easier to show humility w/out the concern that it will be thrown back at you or taken advantage of.

Besides, if you've chosen the right person for the right reasons, you're not in this situation too often.

see above. People truly invested in the relationship (rather than primarily what they can get out of it) w/ the right person, look for "fault" somewhere about 8th on the list of stuff to be concerned about.

Yep! Totally agree. If you serve your partner, you will find that you also get served (provided you've chosen the right person). In the giving, you receive more than what you give. -at least that's how it's worked for me.

That's part of the problem. You're a passive man who likes to sweep issues under the rug hoping they will go away. You just don't like to do the maintenance that's required. :) Romance must continue. The desire (which neither one of you have) to solve conflicts must continue. The constant search for what will please the other person must continue etc. Never take your partner for granted and "squash it" hoping the problem will go away. Keep doing that, and there's a high possibility that you will either be filed away or deleted and replaced. Same thing applies to her.

Seriously? Just some advice, and you can do what you want to with it, but when the two of you are having problems, you really should never send your feelings through e-mail or text messages. You partner deserves your presence when you are communicating things important to the relationship. Also, things often don't read as they are written. The discussion is worth having face to face because there will be less room for misunderstanding.


Right, but neither one of you are communicating. It sounds (to me) like the two of you are focused on principle rather than the relationship. Prefer relationship to principle. To get what you want, you sometimes have to give it first. If you're not going to do that, then go back to being single because, it's not about just you. If you are giving and serving and she is not, then there might be a compatibility issue. If this has been an on going problem, remember that what you see is what you will get, so decide whether you want something long-term from her. And don't bank on her changing because more likely than not she isn't going to, and you aren't either. If it doesn't fit don't force it because, you will never be able to fix the other person. Consider whether you can live with her as an "as is" purchase. If not, then (as Tony said) move on. This applies to both you and Brandi. And kill the screaming matches too. :rolleyes: You're doing nothing there but creating noise and attacking.

Exactly. :)

So this guy from work? The one I was crushing on before he started working in my department? We've had a few extended conversations over the past week or two. There's a project my boss has me working on that has required me to work in conjunction with some people from another department within our division, including the new guy. We ended up in a long discussion about something not work related during our last meeting about that project. It seems like he's always where I'm going... or I'm just hyperaware of him.. not sure which, but it seems like everytime I leave my cubicle, whether to go home, hit up a vending machine, or whatever, I run into him. So at lunch on Friday, he was in the cafeteria line in front of me and we're chit chatting in line. He pays and he kind of waits for me to pay and asks if I'm going to upstairs to eat. I say "Probably, but most of the people I usually eat with at the lunch table up there don't come to the table on Fridays" and he says "Why don't you eat with us today?" and he points me to a table where he's eating with a guy I don't know. I don't know how they know each other or anything, but I introduce myself to that guy. We're all talking, swapping stories, laughing... and I STILL cannot figure out if the Work Guy is married or not. This is going to make me crazy. He refers to his son a lot... about having to drive him to work, can't wait til he gets his license, etc. The other guy tells a story about how his mom used to secretly do his laundry after he moved out but his dad found out and got real mad. Work Guy says "I don't get that, if my kids' mother wanted to do their laundry, that would be her problem, not mine." Wouldn't he have said "my wife" if he was still married to her? We were talking about cable/internet/phone companies another day and he said something about having a box in the living room and the bedroom but that his son wanted one too. I cannot pick up any clues from these conversations and I am listening so carefully for them.

Anyway, he really seems like a very nice guy and I am definitely way too aware of him.

I know that not everyone does, but I'm not sure if you've said it; does he wear a wedding ring? And I agree, I think saying 'kid's mom' and not 'wife' is an indicator that he's not married, or at least not married to her anymore, anyway.

Also, I love reading this thread because I feel like I'm getting years of D&R wisdom without having to go through it the hard way. So thank you all for that.

He doesn't "sound" like he's married. Reminds me of trying to guess if "Pat" from SNL is a woman or a man. :p

I think that "kid's mom" does sound like he's married but I still wouldn't rule it out. I know people who will say "Billy's mom" or "his mother" when referring to their wives. I think of it as how sometimes I'll randomly tell my sister "Your mother wants you" rather than just saying "Mom wants you." No particular reason why the switch up, it just happens sometimes.

^Have you looked through local online public records to see whether you can find his name associated with a divorce?

Ask him.

I don't think he's married. My "kids' mom" would sound rather cold describing someone he's married to, sleeping with, IMO. (althought it does sound better than saying "my ex."

The reference to his son's room makes it sound like his son might be his only other semi house resident (as in non-custodial parent. Surely, he'd have mentioned his wifes' likes/dislikes regarding the cable box here (since he did mention his kids.)

Ask him directly or on the sly...."so, work guy, do you take (son) billy to school everyday or does his mom/your wife (depending on your boldness at that moment) take him too?"

That's exactly what this feels like! LOL

He does not wear a wedding ring.

I have not. It seems like all the sites that give you that information want to charge you, unless you lawyers have super secret methods of finding that info. In Googling him, I found pictures of his family from 2005, but that doesn't mean anything.

I know, I should. If I wasn't crushing on him, I would have no problem asking him. I'll find out eventually.

Yes, the reference's to his son's room without mention of her cable preferences made it sound like he is not living with her. It was "My kids' mother", which sounds even colder than "mom". It sounds like the boy lives with him full time because he said only 2 months until the kid gets his driver's license and then he's free from having to drive him everywhere all the time.

Part of me likes that it is a mystery that I'm trying to solve...lol. The reality is, it doesn't really matter whether he is or not, unless one of us leaves the company. I'm not dating someone who works two cubicle aisles over. But I will eat lunch with him from time to time :) And enjoy random encounters in the elevator or hallway. It makes work a little more interesting!

Is this really that common? Why would somebody not wear a wedding ring for none work reasons?

Some men never wore one. They lost it. They've lost or gained weight so it doesn't fit anymore. They work out at lunch time and don't want to take it off and lose it so they don't wear it at all. They are germ-a-phobes and freak out that bacteria might be growing underneath it. Oh, and I have a friend who is allergic to her ring. It makes her break out in this horrible rash if she wears it for even a few minutes. She's been married less than two years and they'd had matching rings made and are in a dilemma about what to do about it.

I know a handful of women (30s-40s) who don't wear rings but have never asked why not.