my birthday is coming up, next weekend. i want to go on a date. the last real date i went on, where i was asked out, was over 4 years ago. :(

what to do?

That's fair. It's not as if you're in your 20s with plans to have kids and a biological clock that's ticking. You can just have fun and keep it light.

Good luck!

I realize that my problem isn't that I'm afraid that this won't work, but that it WILL work. Eeek!

I'm starting to think I'm cursed. I met a wonderful man who was totally into me and asked me out and now it's "not a good time for him." Why? Because suddenly an electrical fire destroyed his home? SRSLY?? I'd think it was some overly dramatic trick to reject me if my friend's husband wasn't doing the contracting work. I feel so bad for him, but (and I already know it's selfish) I've been single for almost 7 years....COME ON. Can tragedy not befall men who actually want to date me?! :mad:

Exactly. I have said for years that I wanted a long term, exclusive relationship with someone who wouldn't press for more than that. I can't see living with someone again and I know I don't want to marry again. He has been emotionally supportive, fun, thoughtful and kind. He's intelligent and holds down a very good job. The red flag is that, when he's really stressed, he says things like "I need a couple beers" and uses them as a method to unwind. Having a couple beers almost every night isn't that big a deal if it's just your beverage of choice. Having them because you're angry about something that happened at work? Well, that's not a very healthy coping mechanism. He occasionally goes out "with the guys" and gets really wasted. Since I've known him, one time was the night before his buddy was getting married. This past week, he and his buddies have been on their annual fishing trip, which consists of fishing, getting wasted and sleeping, basically. He has been extremely stressed about some of his accounts at work. I don't have enough data to determine whether he always gets this stressed about work or if this is the exception. That's why I'll keep monitoring it. While he was doing jaeger bombs and sending me drunk texts this week, while camping, I said something like "Don't expect kisses from me after you drink that isht, that stuff tastes awful!" He responded back "Do you ever get wasted?" and I said "No, not anymore. I will get a little buzz and stop before I get wasted. I don't like how I feel when I've too much and I hate the bed spins." He said "Well, I won't get like this around you then". So, I set a boundary and he seems to be willing to respect that. The LAST thing I want to do on a date is babysit someone who had too much. I'm much too old for that.

I have been where you are.. afraid that things WILL work out. I'm pretty good at sabotaging things in that situation. However, I usually realize later that when it really feels right, I don't get scared that way. When I'm ready for a relationship internally, I'm alright.

Give him a little time. I can understand not wanting to start a relationship under negative circumstances like that. If he really does like you, he'll probably be calling again as soon as he gets things in order :)

Thanks. He texted me today and so I called and we ended up talking for a long time. :) He's so sweet, I hate that this happened to him especially when we have so little time together (I move back home in 2 months). If anything sparks, I can see myself willing to do long distance for him...and he also wants to move back home to Cali. With our hometowns so close, I might not have to and that'd be awesome! *happy dance*

ETA: And congrats to you for setting boundaries! And it's good to see if how much he drinks bothers you, but don't get sucked into "monitering" his drinking. How badly he messes himself up is NOT your responsibility.

On that note, I just finished watching the end of "Why Did I Get Married" and I can't wait for the sequel. :cool:

We've been together since the middle of July....so, almost 3 months. And, I knew about the wonderfulness of his aspirations when we started dating. We'll see how long I can handle it. I've been pretty good both times so far. I only really missed him once and that was during the week of the political nightmare at work. And, honestly, right now the space is good for me. I have a lot going on at work and wouldn't be able to be the amazing girlfriend I can be if he were home.

Either way, got the red blotches out! STAIN DEVILS ARE AMAZING!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE "I Think I Love my Wife". HILARIOUS.

..

Now, I'm just plain frustrated. We haven't seen each other in 2 1/2 weeks because of our custody schedules and his fall fishing trips. I thought we were going to see each other this weekend and he just let me know tonight that he has his kids this weekend because his ex-wife is traveling for business. This means it will be at least another 2 weeks before we see each other again. At least... ugh.

Disappointed?

7 years is a long time. You're probably being too picky or maybe your standards are too high.

Or it's probably just not my time and my standards are fine where they are.

Okay, I understand he's having a rough time, I get it and I feel for him, I do...but we don't know each other well enough for him to try to bum 50 bucks from me. That's something you do with a friend or an S/O and I am neither. I'm not really "offended" per se but...he just told me TODAY that his mom offered to fly him home until his new place was ready. She is clearly willing to help him (duh, it's his mom). WHY is he asking for money from ME? Something doesn't smell right over this way.

Wow, nice response. Why the attitude? I was just trying to help. I used to have really high standards like you, but that just left me single for a long time. I had to wake up and smell the coffee and realize that no one is perfect. You should do the same. You're probably missing out on a lot of good guys because of your high standards. Think about that.

It's worth at least considering other answers - after all, there's only one thing consistent across those seven years: you.

It very well might not be your time, but I think we've all been in situations where we met the wrong people because we put ourselves in position to meet the wrong people, etc.

7 years is more than "just not [your] time."

You might want to consider what Xanthus and KSigRC are saying. I see some of my girlfriends, and they have extremely high standards and sometimes their expectations are completely unrealistic. Hell, my standards have been extremely high! It's good to have standards, and it's important to be with someone who shares your viewpoint on the world. But, once your standards prevent you from having a meaningful relationship for the better part of a decade, it's time to really think about this.

Now, I'm not saying date hobos or thugs or anything.

He was doing Jager bombs? I can't remember the last time I did one of those. Well, I did a Jager SHOT last night but that was for a birthday. But yay for him respecting your boundaries and not showing you "that" side of him, but not hiding it so you're completely shocked.

I honestly think I'm nervous. My last serious relationship was a shitshow. He lied about so many things that I wasn't even aware of until I was jogging down the street one day and saw him walking arm-in-arm with another woman. I guess I've been super cautious, with good reason, but this guy is so great and not sketchy that it's a big shock that it's also up to ME to do right by someone else. Does that make sense? Like, with the last big relationship, there was so much creepiness that I didn't know about (and plenty that I did) that I know there was nothing that I could have done to make things better. With a new relationship, that's not even the case. It's a clean slate!