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-   -   How To Get Along With NM Class? (http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=234543)

LightnAiry 09-08-2017 05:11 PM

How To Get Along With NM Class?
 
I am absolutely loving the sorority that I ran home to, however I keep having minor conflict with the girls in my NM class. They seem to think I'm odd or a little weird because I stay sober during tailgates and at bars (it's a crime to drink under aged but apparently that doesn't matter to them). They also jump down my throat when I disagree with them on anything. I honestly feel more like their mother than their sister. I think they think I'm a killjoy. Any suggestions? (I am older than some of them but only by a year.)

carnation 09-08-2017 05:17 PM

That was me back in the day. That was my oldest daughter as well--I swear she was the DD every weekend.

Keep looking for the girls who are like you!

FSUZeta 09-08-2017 05:30 PM

Yes, there are girls with similar tastes as you. It just takes some time to find them.

LightnAiry 09-08-2017 05:34 PM

I have found older girls (like the pledge classes above me) that I like talking to. But sometimes they seem to forget I'm their age. Some of them are also a lot like the girls in my NM class, just in a difference PC. Unfortunately this is a common problem for me, I don't fit in with most people my age....

FSUZeta 09-08-2017 05:56 PM

Well then, how can you address that? What can you find in common with your pledge class or the initiated sisters? Do you exercise? Maybe someone else likes the same sort as you. Do you enjoy sports? Play on the sorority IM team. Do you like to volunteer your time? Join the committee that plans the philanthropy events, or get some of your pledge sisters to go with you to a volunteer opportunity off campus. Start a study group within the pledge class. Think outside the box.

ASTalumna06 09-08-2017 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LightnAiry (Post 2441001)
I am absolutely loving the sorority that I ran home to, however I keep having minor conflict with the girls in my NM class. They seem to think I'm odd or a little weird because I stay sober during tailgates and at bars (it's a crime to drink under aged but apparently that doesn't matter to them). They also jump down my throat when I disagree with them on anything. I honestly feel more like their mother than their sister. I think they think I'm a killjoy. Any suggestions? (I am older than some of them but only by a year.)

I would joke with them, "But this way, I'm always available to be your DD!"

Perhaps they think you're odd or weird because you're acting odd or weird. I don't want that to sound mean, but really analyze how you're coming off to them. Are you fine with them drinking, but for some reason come off as if you're not? Maybe you're telling jokes about how you're OK with it, but it sounds strange and they're taking it the wrong way? Or maybe you in some way disapprove of their behavior, and you're one of those people who has a face that everyone can read? The statement in bold above makes me think it's the last point I made here. Of course, it's hard to truly know what you meant reading it on the internet.

And what disagreements have you had with them?

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta (Post 2441007)
Well then, how can you address that? What can you find in common with your pledge class or the initiated sisters? Do you exercise? Maybe someone else likes the same sort as you. Do you enjoy sports? Play on the sorority IM team. Do you like to volunteer your time? Join the committee that plans the philanthropy events, or get some of your pledge sisters to go with you to a volunteer opportunity off campus. Start a study group within the pledge class. Think outside the box.

This.

33girl 09-08-2017 06:25 PM

Quote:

(it's a crime to drink under aged but apparently that doesn't matter to them)
If that is honestly the vibe you are putting across, it's no wonder that you are having problems.

I had several sisters who rarely, if not never, drank and nobody noticed or cared because they were some of the most gregarious and fun people to be around. They also weren't walking around citing the drinking laws to the rest of us.

If you don't have to go to bars (ie it's not a sorority event) and don't enjoy yourself when you're there, don't go. Find the other girls who don't care for it. Lots of people, whether they drink or not, simply do not enjoy the bar scene. As far as tailgates are concerned, is there some sort of function you could perform that takes you out of the partying part of it - like does the school have a tent to greet the alumni or some such thing that you could work at? (Disclaimer, I know zero about tailgate culture)

You're a sophomore, I assume, and there are going to be girls your age who are "older" sorority wise. This usually levels out once you've been initiated. As long as you get along with them that's the important part.

FSUZeta 09-08-2017 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LightnAiry (Post 2441001)
I am absolutely loving the sorority that I ran home to, however I keep having minor conflict with the girls in my NM class. They seem to think I'm odd or a little weird because I stay sober during tailgates and at bars (it's a crime to drink under aged but apparently that doesn't matter to them). They also jump down my throat when I disagree with them on anything. I honestly feel more like their mother than their sister. I think they think I'm a killjoy. Any suggestions? (I am older than some of them but only by a year.)

Disagree on what exactly? There are ways to get your point across diplomatically and not offend folks or make them mad.

LightnAiry 09-08-2017 06:49 PM

ASTalumna06, our disagreements are very very minor. Like tiffs between sisters would be honestly. But I'm always the vocal minority. And I don't try to come across disapproving. I guess its just how I was raised (conservative in most things) that I come across that way.

33girl, and I go to the bars and tailgates to watch out for them honestly. I did it with friends last year as a non-Greek student as well. I would hate for something bad to happen knowing that I could have done something to stop it. One could say its not my job to do so, but I know I'd feel guilty if I didn't. I don't really go out to have fun. If I weren't watching out for them, I wouldn't go out.

And I would love to do things with them but I have narrow interests better made for an introvert (but I'm an extrovert) and my major isn't an often seen one. Even when we did hang out as a NM class I was running around making sure everyone had everything they needed. I provided most of the equipment needed for the get together. I was pretty much the mom, again.

TXDG 09-08-2017 06:55 PM

If you want to have friends, stop acting like a mom and start acting like a friend. Join in on the fun while you're out with them - just because you're sober, doesn't mean you can't join in on the jokes and laughter. Try to relax a little....

LightnAiry 09-08-2017 07:16 PM

This is probably a stupid question, but how do I not act like a mom?

NYCMS 09-08-2017 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LightnAiry (Post 2441016)
And I would love to do things with them but I have narrow interests better made for an introvert (but I'm an extrovert) and my major isn't an often seen one. Even when we did hang out as a NM class I was running around making sure everyone had everything they needed. I provided most of the equipment needed for the get together. I was pretty much the mom, again.


First, I agree with everyone that you have to stop being a mom. How to stop? Stop doing everything for them as you described about getting the equipment, etc. Stop thinking about what you can do for them (from a "being a mom" standpoint). Actually sit, talk and do nothing for a change!

Second, consider the answer you gave above (along with your other answers) - there seems to be a reason each time "why" you can't be friends with your sisters. First, it's the looking out thing - I get that, we all want friends who do that, but not with a judgmental tone ("underage drinking" comment). Then the reason is the above comment about having narrow interests...it's time to widen them! Find some commonality with your sisters. You can't expect to be friends if none of your sisters share your self-described narrow interests so you have to take action if want to bond.

I well remember two of my sisters - one was the ultimate partier; the other was quite conservative, even led a Bible Study among sororities on campus. Yet they bonded over some common interest (can't remember what) and became great buddies.

Lastly, the issues you describe here will follow you post-college...we don't change our stripes that easily. If you don't make some changes now, you will find a company where you have narrow interests, where you're the mom, where you don't fit in...so this is your opportunity to change.

FSUZeta 09-08-2017 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LightnAiry (Post 2441021)
This is probably a stupid question, but how do I not act like a mom?

Not a stupid question at all. I enjoy helping my friends when they are hosting parties. But I also take time out to enjoy the party.

You need to be on some committee. Ask your new member trainer how to do that. Another way to "not be a mom" is to delegate. When you do help out at get togethers, ask some pledge sisters to do specific tasks. People like to feel needed and involved.

As long as you are not helicoptering, it's not a bad thing to have your sisters/friends backs. But don't be obtrusive.

*winter* 09-08-2017 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYCMS (Post 2441022)
Lastly, the issues you describe here will follow you post-college...we don't change our stripes that easily. If you don't make some changes now, you will find a company where you have narrow interests, where you're the mom, where you don't fit in...so this is your opportunity to change.

THIS. College is your real shot to learn how to be social. Use it.

I was 21 when I joined my sorority. The other girls in my pledge class were 18-20. It took me a while to make friends, because I had a hard time making friends in college. My best friends (except for one) weren't from my PC. I didn't meet them and get to know them until I got my Big. My advice would be to go as many events as possible. Now here's the kicker- events YOU LIKE. Not "babysitting." Things you enjoy. I did cool things like volunteering and we did arts and crafts style things. We also went out, but I'm sure if you're not into that you can find other opportunities to have fun. If not, create them! Set up a scrap booking day or a yoga class. Then you will find women who have your same interests and you won't find yourself in that "mom" role, you will just be their friend. Good luck.

LightnAiry 09-08-2017 08:44 PM

I applied for a position but won't find out if I got it for a while. And I would love to do fun events with them but all that's on their minds seems to be parties and alcohol.

They said that its not fun to be sober at a tailgate, I said I do it all the time, and their first response was that I had a high tolerance for "bulls***" and some joked that the day I get black out from drinking they would videotape it. I love them already they're funny and nice but I feel like an outsider a lot of the time.


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