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Do you like the girl going through recruitment? Is she nice/intelligent (other than being under her mother's thumb?)?/and a possible good addition to a house? I would write a rec for her anyway. And after recruitment is over (especially if she joins the house that you gave a rec for) show the mom the rec.
After this girl leaves home, with or without recruitment, she is going to change. And perhaps she will be interested in other house and perhaps not. You will help give her options. As for her mother........omg......I think that I know moms like her. |
Funny story about what people did or did not know during recruitment. When I rushed AXiD, there was no philanthropy round, and things like symbols and mottoes weren't talked about. The day after pinning (pledge induction), I was going through the my pledge manual, and was thrilled to find out some very cool coincidences:
- Writing has always been one of my two passions (the other is acting). In high school, I always used the phrase "The Pen is Mightier than the Sword", (which I later found out is AXiD's motto). - I also used to do calligraphy, learning in the sixth grade. I had an old-style quill and inkwell as well as more modern pens, and a number of different sized nibs. I later found out that the Quill is AXiD's symbol and the shape of the member badge. - AXiD's national philanthropy at the time was the American Lung Association. I have lung disease, and it touched me that women across the country were dedicated time and resources to support a cause that deeply affects me. I remember calling my mom and crying because I had felt an amazing connection. Some other things that have happened that just reinforce the knowledge that I am in the right place. You know the saying that "being an ___ is not something you become, but something you've always been"? That was me. And I knew none of this stuff going into rush (COB). To bring this back on topic, the PNM mentioned in the OP might not even feel a connection to her legacy chapter. I feel really bad that the mother is so insistent and controlling. Just like the mom probably had a choice (there's no mention that the daughter is a double legacy), so should her daughter. |
In reading this story, it actually doesn't sound like she is deliberately trying to sabotage her.
It sounds like she genuinely thinks that her daughter doesn't need any other recs because she's guaranteed a bid to her legacy house. You say she's out of state. Heck, where mom was initiated, it may be true that all legacies got bids. Every now and then, I'll meet a PNM who has decided to go out of state and rush somewhere competitive. Mom usually attended a school in Ohio that wasn't competitive at all (like Akron, BG, Kent, etc.) She'll think the same thing ("oh she'll probably not need that extra stuff because all legacies get bids.") and won't bother securing recs. I usually refer those moms to the larger SEC recruitment threads (like the Bama or Auburn threads) where moms are coming on in droves lamenting the fact that their daughters were cut as legacies (some as direct legacies to that chapter). This is why it's SO important for our orgs to EDUCATE alumnae about not only the legacy policy, but also about how recruitment has changed since they were active, that there are INCREASED numbers of legacies at some schools, and that what used to be a sure thing, often isn't anymore. I recall reading someone on here that an NPC group published a magazine article on this topic not too long ago that bascially said that while we would love for every legacy to pledge XYZ, that doesn't always happen and that parents need to be prepared for that and support their child in her decisions. At Convention, I met many women who are legacies. I met one collegian who was recently initiated at our newest chapter (High Point). She was pinned by her mother at Initiation with her grandma's badge and her 2 sisters present. That was a great story and I definitely see the value of legacies. I also had the opportunity to meet older alumnae whose daughters represent a variety of NPC orgs--one woman had 5 daughters and each of them joined a different org! So they do share the bond of being Panhellenicc women and support their daughter's efforts in their chapters. I don't have kids, but I have always felt that I'd rather see my kid happy as XYZ, than miserable as a Sigma (because I pressured her to join). |
Being a legacy, even an in-house legacy, does not guarantee you a bid. The chapter will invite this young lady back to the first invitation-only round during FR, but after that, anything could happen - especially since this is an SEC school where there are tons of legacies going through every year. And even if her legacy status did guarantee her a bid, what if she doesn't like the chapter?
Mom could simply be ignorant of the way things have changed. Or she could be trying to control her daughter - "she WILL be an XYZ like I was, or she won't go greek at all!" It's hard to tell from just a couple of posts. dgdramadawg, I think you and the other alums you spoke to are doing the right thing. At least, this way, she won't be automatically cut for not having recs. Then, the rest is up to her. |
but the fact that the mom is only willing to pay for her daughter's sorority dues if she goes XYZ makes me think the mom is just being stubborn. that alone makes me question whether its simply a misunderstanding of the rules regarding legacies, or if the mom just doesnt want to have anything to do with her daughter pledging at another house.
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Going through recruitment as a legacy is hard. Trying to decide if it's worth it to go your own way or honor the bond with your family member is difficult without that family member breathing down your neck. I pity this girl for having this hella-mom (not heli-mom.) I predict an early drop out.
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Edited to add:
A fairly new article or opinion piece related to the alumna-and-daughter topic is on the Delta Delta Delta site. The article's title: “MY DAUGHTER’S AN ADPI, WHAT’S YOURS? (Musings from a newly educated Delta)” It's in the “Recruitment Demystified” portion of the site, which is in PDF and can be accessed from this page: https://www.tridelta.org/Collegian/Recruitment/ Quote:
Speaking of "total disaster," isn't part of the excitement / fun of recruitment going to parties where a PNM meets new people? Since the PNM's going to a school where recs are a must, she could really have a downer of a recruitment, couldn't she, if she doesn't have recs for any org except her mom's? Sitting around "partyless" (except maybe for the legacy chapter) when others are out meeting and greeting doesn't sound like much fun. |
My daughter just asked me if she HAS to join my group
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My guess is that Mom doesn't understand how much recruitment has changed since she was at school. I'm glad you guys are going to write her recs, but if she is feeling this type of pressure before recruitment my guess is she will be reluctant to join another Chapter for fear of facing the wrath of Mommy Dearest. |
Can you imagine Mommy Dearest's reaction if the legacy chapter cuts her darling?? :eek:
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You know I would say it was just ignorance, if not for the fact that her mom would only pay for her legacy chapter. It seems to me she wants her daughter to be her Sister or not Greek at all.
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