PNMs openly stating their dislike?
 

It very well may just be from what (and where I'm seeing this) but PNMs openly stating "I don't see myself here, don't invite me back" seems to be happening more and more. I'm finding this mind-boggling as that is heinously rude to me, as well as arrogant. Where is this coming from?? Who is telling them that saying this is a good thing?

Somebody is telling them to do that because they think they'll only be left with groups they like for prefs, almost guaranteeing them a bid at a favorite. This did not work for anyone I've heard of because members of the groups they insulted talked to their friends in other groups.

Agree. I've even heard that they're told to do this to "strategically manage rush", as if they have a say in what house they get. PNMs do not realize, I guess, that houses do the choosing and that this is plain out rude and simply does not work.

It will and likely does come back to bite them.

On some campuses, the chapters are asked to report when a PNM says this. Depending the the wording of the Panhel recruitment policies, the PNM could be dropped from recruitment. I do know that with social media, PNMs really have no idea how many women are friends with women in other chapters. They are taking a huge chance that other chapters will not find out about their bad behavior.

But the stereotype is that women who are not directly connected hate each other. So competing sororities would never talk to each other.

The sad part is that occasionally it does work (often for a girl with tons of connections), and a sorority takes a girl not caring what a rude witch she is. She, of course, gets turned into a couple dozen people who successfully used this "strategy" and other, very naive girls try it.

I would certainly not want to invite someone back who said that. "Well, I can't see myself here, DON'T invite me back"- okay, then. Whomever is telling them to manage their own recruitment is not helping them, and I think that as Panhellenics, we need to be informing PNMs of the reality of the situation. You are only doing a small part of the "choosing", that's the way it goes. Yes, there are always people that are rather mis-matched with a less than ideal group. However, I think PNMs need to trust that chapters do know how to do their job, and know that they want to invite these women to join their sisterhood.

Somehow, being rude to people became the norm and it's horrifying :(

This reminds me of a friend of mine. When she went through "Rush" as it was in days of the last century, she was asked by a sister that was rushing her, "Can you see yourself here?" My friend replied "No." She said the sister ask a question and she replied. :eek: When I ask her why she answered that way, her reply was that it was a long week, she was worn out, no one had ask for her opinion. When ask for her opinion she gave it.

Side note, she went on to join a group she liked. She said she did not ever ask a "rushee" if she could "see herself as a sister."

OMG, I thought this only happened at my alma mater. Last semester, we had a legacy going through, and said legacy texted our recruitment VP the night before pref and said, "please don't invite me back to your party. you're wasting a spot with me, because I found my home somewhere else." Shocked is all I can say. But since our lists were submitted the day before, she was already invited. And of course, she was at preference. As a legacy that made it to preference, she had to be first on our bid list. Next day we got our list of women, and she was on it...i was like, this should be interesting! She got to bid day, received her bid, and promptly burst into tears saying this couldn't be right, because XYZ had promised her a bid. Karma is a bitch.

The other thing that I've gathered from doing the bid matching process (we still hand match!) and meeting leadership consultants from several different organisations, it's not as easy as "just don't put me on your list". There are spreadsheets and equations and discussions and whatever else goes into those lists, it's not just "so and so said she didn't like us". Panhellenics aren't doing these people a favour by not clueing them into the reality of the situation.

Geez! Were these PNMs (the rude ones) raised by wolves?

Here at UT Austin, recruitment is an art.

On pref night, rho chis tell PNMs that they should let their top choice know where they want to be on bid day. While there is nothing wrong with this per say, it can have some negative side effects.
Problems arise when PNMs interact with a house they don't want. At UT, actives will ask PNMs "if they have a difficult decision" or "if they can see themselves coming back." I know a girl that told her legacy house that they would miss her come bid day. Not only is that super rude, but it messed things up for her when her legacy house was forced to issue her a bid, as she was there on pref night. Word had gotten around about what she said, and much of the chapter was very wary of her.

There are much better ways to hand a situation. A simple "I think ya'll are really great, but I found my home somewhere else," is so much more eloquent. Not to mention less arrogant and less insulting.

But there are also girls who are so stand offish that its painful to interact with them. That almost worse. As least when a girl lets an active know how she's feeling, it takes the pressure off the active to gauge or persuade her. Plus, girls do talk. If anyone is rude in a house people will generally find out rather quickly.

For some PNMs. advice being given by the recruitment counselors is a day late and a dollar short. Per NPC regulations, anyone invited back to preference round is on the bid list and every NPC has their own legacy policy...but pretty sure that most organizations give extra points or top of the bid list status to legacies invited back to pref and who come to this round.
If a legacy truly does NOT EVER see herself in her legacy chapter, she is doing everyone a favor by ranking her legacy chapter last, even after first round. That way, the chapter and the PNM get out of a potential awkward situation if it comes down to pref. By releasing her legacy chapter early, the PNM shows her preferred chapters that she is not interested in her legacy and lets the legacy chapter move on.
Caution to legacy: if you rank your legacy chapter last after open house rounds and you still have them on your invitation list the next round, you need to re-evaluate your situation.

Amen to this. There's no rule that says you can't have friends in other sororities or that you can't talk to said friends during recruitment (unless you're a rho chi). If Susie Stickupherass had told me at a party, "Don't invite me back, I don't like AEPhi, you're all a bunch of JAPs and I'm not even Jewish", I would have tried my best to be polite to her in the moment, but I wouldn't have had any qualms about telling my friends in other sororities that Susie Stickupherass had made such a rude comment. (Not to mention that I wouldn't classify anyone who was active at the same time I was as a JAP, and there are plenty of non-Jewish actives, both back in my day and today.)

A PNM is a guest in the chapter's home and should behave accordingly. Be rude - pay the price.

How can this be an NPC rule when it steps over the line into dictating membership selection? Also when "preference round" is not the same thing at all schools and during all recruitments.

I mean, I'm thinking of NPC chapters who recruit outside of a formal rush situation. How could such a rule be enforced in that scenario?