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-   -   Advice for PNMs: Not getting a bid to your 1st choice. (

KSUViolet06 06-27-2010 08:36 PM

Good bump for the new GC PNMs, because yes, this happens.

carnation 06-27-2010 08:39 PM

Hey ,thanks for bumping this, KSU, this is a good one!

SusySorostitute 06-27-2010 09:57 PM


Originally Posted by BadCat25 (Post 1832940)
Sorority recruitment has the almost unique ability to drive girls crazy. You donít see girls reduced to tears after being rejected by Harvard or being cut at tryouts for the basketball team. I think itís because you can see some rational reason for these rejections. Your SATs werenít high enough or you had a lousy jump shot. With rush you just canít see any reason for it. Why didnít ABC like me? Whatís wrong with me? Why canít I be part of the ďin groupĒ? You will never know and can never figure it out.

I agree with most of what has been said in this thread, but I do not believe that this is true. I have seen MANY girls reduced to tears after not being accepted to their college of choice or being cut from a team. That being said, rejection hurts, especially when you have not learned how to cope with it yet (which is often true of girls in their teens). The reason is often not apparent for any of these situations, but you have to learn to make the most of the opportunities you do have instead of dwell on the ones you do not.

BeeBee23 06-27-2010 10:20 PM

couldnt agree more with what autigercourt said!

Just because it's your first choice during recruitment...doesnt mean it's actually the best fit for YOU. I think there are so many girls who want to pledge a certain house because it's full of the type of girls they WANT to be, not the type of girls they actually ARE. PNMs: Look around while you're waiting for the party to start (esp at prefs, but for all rounds after round 1). Can you see yourself fitting in with the girls that are lining up with you? Do you feel comfortable at the house, or are you nervous trying to make a good impression so the sisters will like you? These are all things to think about because what you want may not be what you need or what will be suit you. :)

33girl 06-27-2010 10:28 PM


Originally Posted by Low C Sharp (Post 1833253)
Well, it makes sense. Harvard and the basketball team will tell you, "It's nothing personal," and that's true.

If you seriously think that qualified people haven't been rejected from colleges, teams or other activities that require competition to join, you are extraordinarily naive.

Drolefille 06-27-2010 10:33 PM

There's bumping a thread and there's replying to the comments from almost a year ago...

BeeBee23 06-27-2010 10:34 PM

haha I knew it was posted a year ago, but the girl had a good point.

KSUViolet06 08-02-2010 05:15 PM

Bumping since we are about one week out from recruitment season!

prettygirlie 08-03-2010 01:03 AM

(sorry I edited what I said. I absolutely have no idea what I'm talking about, and should probably just shut up.)

KSUViolet06 08-03-2010 01:15 AM

Yeah, but most of the time, a PNM's gut feeling of "this is not right for me" is moreso a reaction to the hurt/disappointment of not getting their first choice.

If everyone who got their 2nd choice went with their gut (which is usually "I don't want this") they'd drop out on Bid Day and we wouldn't have any "happy in 2nd choice" stories to tell.

It really does take time to let that initial hurt subside for you to determine if something is right.

Not everyone "just knows."

AOII Angel 08-03-2010 01:28 AM


Originally Posted by prettygirlie (Post 1962517)
how would you determine no warm fuzzies/ it just being not right for you?
Not to offend anyone but I feel as if this is slightly misleading advice, as in being in any sorority will be an end all fix for sisterhood and happiness. From what has been said on GC, all chapters totally have different personalities & interests. No matter what big decision you go through in life, it's so so important to trust your gut and your heart. If it's not right, don't try to fit a square peg in a round hole so to speak.

That being said, if you have good feelings for a 2nd choice too who knows! Try it out!

All in all, hopefully PMNs out there keep in mind what's best for them (be free thinkers!) and have honest intentions for pledging.

But what do I know (: I'm a PMN this year too. That's my little life philosophy and my approach to rush this year.

good luck to everyone rushing with me! it's gonna be so so exciting! (:

Even joining your favorite group won't guarantee that you'll feel immediate sisterhood. Everything takes time and work. If you end up in your 2nd or 3rd choice, it just may take more time. The interesting thing about recruitment is that you see such a tiny part of a chapter. It's generally a good idea to give them a little more time to try things out. Since there are usually lots of girls in the chapter you've never even met, odds are you'll meet several people that you'll feel a connection to when you finally meet everyone. The difference is with your favorite group, you met those girls first thing during recruitment. If you actually met everyone in that group, you'd probably find out you didn't like everyone in that group. It's what happens when you put any large group of women together.

Alumiyum 08-03-2010 10:15 AM

I reminded girls who listed that second choice after pref and then got it on Bid Day that they are now unable to join any other sorority on campus for one year. So why not TRY for a little while at the second choice? I don't know the numbers, but I'm betting more girls get a sorority that wasn't their top choice than girls that get that top choice. And just about every time, they're perfectly happy in that second choice. Go with it. Keep in mind that building relationships is work and that no matter which choice you get, you'll have to work to bond. That's true of everyone and every true friendship-it's not limited to sororities. Give it your all and see what happens. You'll probably end up perfectly happy where you are.

pretty-in-pink 08-03-2010 11:17 AM

wow! thanks for this bump! I will definitely remember this during recruitment!

33girl 08-03-2010 12:37 PM


Originally Posted by Alumiyum (Post 1962595)
I reminded girls who listed that second choice after pref and then got it on Bid Day that they are now unable to join any other sorority on campus for one year. So why not TRY for a little while at the second choice?

Yeah, exactly. In for a buck, in for a quarter. If you still feel SUPER uncomfortable at the end of pledging (usually 6-8 weeks) you can opt not to be initiated.

aephi alum 08-03-2010 01:19 PM

Great thread!


Originally Posted by Alumiyum (Post 1962595)
I reminded girls who listed that second choice after pref and then got it on Bid Day that they are now unable to join any other sorority on campus for one year. So why not TRY for a little while at the second choice?


You're bound to the sorority that bid you for one calendar year, i.e. until next year's formal recruitment. And, as others have pointed out, if you do decline your bid and rush again next year, you're likely to find your options much more limited.

So there is really nothing to be lost by starting the new member program with your second/third choice sorority. You'll get to meet your pledge sisters, and you'll get to meet sisters you didn't have a chance to meet during FR. You can have a nice long chat with a sister, without having to shout to be heard, and with both of you knowing that she's not going to get bumped in a couple of minutes.

As your initiation date approaches, you can make a more informed decision about whether to make that lifelong commitment. You have now spent several weeks getting to know the sisters and your pledge sisters - rather than just a few hours in the craziness of formal recruitment. Now ask yourself if you would really rather not be greek than initiate into this sorority - and if the answer is yes, then depledge.

If you just tear up your bid card and run to your dorm room in tears, you may end up missing out on an awesome experience.

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