Considering Resigning From Fraternity
 

I have been struggling with the idea of "dropping my letters" for a while now. That sentiment isn't too unique, but my situation I "feel" is much different. I haven't had any bad experiences with the people of my chapter. (Keywords: my chapter) & I have held many leadership positions, such as Social Events chair, Community Service chair, Judicial chair, head of the recruitment committee, Vice President and more recently President.

However, I genuinely do not feel like I belong. I do not feel the members of my chapter of my organization are truly brothers or family but just friends, people that kinda know me. My time in the fraternity has felt more like a job than a home.

To answer the obvious but not so obvious question of "Why did you stay?" I genuinely do not know at this point. When thinking about it, my best answer would be I wanted to make the organization better for the future (which it is currently). The organization was a struggling one at the time of my initiation. I knew I could help in certain ways so I felt like it was my obligation to do so.

The other aspect of my internal struggle for lack of better term deals with my racial identity. (nearly) Two years ago when I first joined, I was a different person. Two years later I realize that culture and my racial identity are things that really mean a lot to me. Being a POC is a "Predominately White Organization" honestly doesn't feel right. I really thought it wouldn't bother me and I feel terrible that it does but I feel more at home with the Black Student Union at my college than my fraternity.

I was going to ask a question but I forgot, it was possibly for advice(?) so we'll go with that. All in all, I just wanted to share my story. This is the first time I shared these thoughts outside of my head so thank you for reading this far if you did.

It sounds like you have poured a lot of yourself into making your chapter not only viable but successful. Could you be suffering burnout?

How much time are you spending with the chapter these days? It's okay not to be there 24/7, but if the friendships are still important to you you do need to spend some time with your brothers, cultivating those bonds. I am friends with sorority sisters but they were not the be all and end all in college or now. I had friends outside my org in college and was a member of two other orgs. Some of my best friends now as an alum are members of different sororities.

It sounds like you feel you are in an either or position. Either I keep giving my all to my fraternity or I should just quit. And I can't remain a member of a predominately white fraternity and be a true member of the Black Student Union. Neither of those are true I hope. I hope that the fraternity encourages its members to join other orgs in order to make more well rounded men. And I hope the BSU encourages and supports its members to do the same.

I am trying to understand the source of your conflict, but as a white female, I know that I truly can't. There were times in college when I felt I didn't belong. Did these feelings of not belonging happen before or after you joined BSU? Are you being made to feel like you are betraying one group or the other?

I can't comment on the racial identity stuff, but I have been working with the leaders of my chapter for around 7-8 years at this point, so I can offer some perspective on how members who have held many executive positions, especially President begin to relate to the chapter.

It is very difficult to reintegrate back into the fraternity as just an ordinary member after leading it for a long period of time. You've been the decision maker, you've had to do what's right for the chapter and that has probably involved burning a number of bridges with the brotherhood.

At this point, I would encourage you to remember that this thing doesn't have to be four years and done. Being in a fraternity will open doors to you. There are likely lots of opportunities out there in your web of potential alumni contacts.

It is uncomfortable to step back from leadership. People still try to look to you and you've spent a good amount of time pouring yourself into this organization. There is nothing wrong with being selfish with your time. You don't have to go to everything, you don't have to step up.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

If I am reading the poster correct, he is of either a different color or religious persuasion than the norm, I can see how he may feel.

But what I do not understand, is that he has been some what accepted and held esteem in his chapter.

I grew up in the 40,50, and 60.s so I know of what I speak.

I was some what agahst when I saw Black member in a composite. I made a comment and was put in my place by the active members.

Once I got to know said Brothers, we became great friends and Brothers.



Once again I agree with Kevin!

Your choice is yours only but Greek life in college is not for four years only but for life. So, who really has the problem? You or them? That seems to be the main question here.

It seems you need a reality check on yourself first.

A major crisis like I have had, is 3 different cancers concerning life. Your problem seems small in that context doesn't it!

Basically, get over yourself and carry on like and adult that you are supposed to be!

Friend, welcome back from the Sunken Place. We've been waiting for you.

lol jk. I am not in a "white" fraternity, but my good friend is and I have shared his post with you in hopes that he either comments or messages you directly.

Since I am not in your kind of fraternity, I can't give you perfect advice. But as a college-educated (PWI) black man, I empathize with you. I went to college with several black folks for whom it took a while to get woke. The important thing is THAT they got woke, not WHEN they got woke.

There will be some tension moving forward in terms of whether you really feel like your fraternity is addressing issues of structural racism and inequality on a timely pace. It will be up to you to decide whether to stay and fight (for you and for your successors) or whether you should move on.

If it were me, I wouldn't give up on the fraternity. As a man, you made an obligation and you should stick with it. And being a member truly won't limit you. (Unless you wanted to join an NPHC fraternity, in which case that door is closed to you.) But there are plenty of other men who have been in your position. You won't find them if you disappear into the ether.

I think you should take the time to really think about why you are still in the organization. You don't do as much as you have done for an organization and not know with utmost confidence why you are still and active member.

Anyway, I've been in your shoes before. I am a black alumnus of a primarily white organization. There have been plenty of tough moments, just like there are in any situation when we're the minority. What's kept me an active undergrad and an active alumnus is the fact that I believe in the Fraternity's mission and ideals. Similar to you, I eventually saw an opportunity where I could leave my mark on the organization and improve it. I've also made great friends and great connections. It's also been incredibly rewarding to advise my undergraduate chapter and see them grow as men and as a chapter.

I've also been able to educate my Brothers about minority issues. I am a gay black man and I have lived a very different life than many of my Brothers. Many of them are better people because of my association with them. I've also been able to learn a lot more from my other Brothers from different marginalized backgrounds.

I won't be the one to tell you that you need to stay active. In fact, I'm not one to encourage people to stay anywhere they don't feel comfortable or happy. When I have undergrad members that are considering quitting, I don't push them in any direction because I have no interest in "selling" the organization to active members. Maybe it isn't for you. But maybe it is. Only you will know that.

I'm sorry this isn't the greatest "advice," but it really is on you. I can't imagine you don't see value in the organization as a former President or Recruitment Chair. I challenge you to sit down and really organize your thoughts and why you have been in the organization up until this point.

I'm having trouble nailing down my thoughts here, but feel free to shoot me a direct message. My thoughts would probably flow better as a conversation, not just a standalone post in a thread.

Remember, only you can make your mind up! Also, the memories after Graduation will live with you forever!

It is only what your make of it while you are young. If you are/were accepted, what else do you need or want?

I would like to thank everyone for the responses so far, I appreciate the feedback and I hope to get more because this is an interesting topic that I know is in the minds of more people than one would believe.

Even though you were probably (not) making a joke, It does in fact, feel like an awakening from the "sunken place" (I just saw Get Out).

I was led to believe that racial identity was irrelevant and that pointing out structural racism and microaggressions was "over reacting".

To your NPHC statement, you will not believe what happens in the greater New York area. I personally know people who have joined local/historically white organizations, disaffiliated, then gained membership into one of the NPHC organizations. It happens a lot more often than people think. I am going to start another thread about that topic.

I'll message you