I'm in Desperate Need of Advice
 

Hey, everyone! I just need advice, and this is probably going to be much longer than I’m intending (sorry).
I’m a rising sophomore at my university, and I just registered for formal recruitment for the second time. Last year when I registered as a freshman, I was really excited and hopeful. It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to join a sorority. I was a competitive dancer, so I am used to having girls around that are like sisters to me, and I wanted to keep that going in college as well. Needless to say, I was released the morning of Preference Night. I was totally heartbroken, but I figured that there’s always next year and I’m not really the type to give up. So, if any of you have time, I’m analyzing what could have gotten me released last year, and why I am suddenly very nervous to go through the recruitment process again.
When I went into it last year, I was unbiased and open-minded to all the sororities on my campus. This makes me really nervous to go through again. I spent the last year trying to make friends in the different sororities, and of course with this came some bad experiences. Now, I’m afraid that I’ll get into one with a girl that I don’t get along with for whatever reason. I work at the coffee shop on campus, and I don’t want to talk bad about any of my customers, but there were some girls from a certain sorority (one that was one of the two I was dropped from before Pref Night) that came through every night and always had to make a scene, calling out things I did wrong (even if I didn’t) and generally just trying to get me in trouble a lot. I know this doesn’t speak for the others in the sorority, and this one would still be my Preference if I could do last year’s recruitment over again. I’m just terrified that their unwarranted hatred of me having an impact on me getting into this sorority.
I’m afraid that I’ll go through again and be released just like the last time. Both events at the sororities I had Sisterhood Night with the night before I was released were amazing. The events went flawlessly, and I honestly thought that I was *almost* guaranteed a spot at one of them. I’m an outgoing person, so personality and conversation is never an issue, but I suppose it could come across as fake even though it’s not. Looking back, there was nothing I would have changed that night.
I have a few theories on why I was released. One possibility is that it was raining, so I didn’t do much in way of appearance, because I knew the rain would ruin it anyway (from an appearance standpoint, anyway). My school provides shirts that we HAVE to wear, and I’m still not totally sure how to pair jewelry and shorts, skirts, or pants with them. Shoes aren’t necessarily an issue. Another could be that I didn’t have any rec letters. No one in my family is or has ever been Greek, and my cousins that went to college didn’t hang out with the Greek crowd. I didn’t realize that I needed letters, but I have them for this year, I hope. I’ve emailed and sent mail to local alumnae chapters and my mom realized that some of her clients are, or have family, that were Greek. I will have rec letters this time, hopefully.
I’m outgoing, I’ve never had lower than a B in my life, and I’ve been involved in various volunteer organizations since middle school, so none of that needs work, I don’t think. I asked one of my coworkers, who is a senior in a sorority on campus what goes on behind the scenes (I’m not sure she was supposed to tell me), but she said that in a few instances, looks and attractiveness matters. So, the dancer in me immediately starts looking for my flaws. I’m not necessarily the thinnest or the prettiest, I’m average, so if that is the issue, then I’ll probably be released again.
I’m at my wits end when it comes to recruitment this year. I wasn’t nervous at first, but now I’m losing sleep over something that isn’t for three more months. I have no idea what to wear with the shirts and my current Greek friends on campus aren’t supposed to help me, and I don’t want to get anyone in trouble by asking. I’m afraid that I won’t get as many rec letters as I need. I’m just ready for this process to be over, and for me to finally find my sisterhood. I have a constant fear of not being good enough, and I’m afraid it will affect my ability to properly converse and be myself when recruitment does come around.
Again, sorry for the book I just wrote, and if you’re still reading my sob story, thank you!

I am sorry that rush didn't work out for you last year. It seems very strange that a couple of girls would have such a dislike for you as to make it their duty to make your life miserable. What might have caused this rift? Did you attend some fraternity events where you unknowingly garnered the attention of the boyfriend of one of these sorority members? I mean, why would these girls work so hard at being mean as to criticize you at your work place? Those questions are the first you need to answer. And in that same vein, would you really want to be in the same sorority as those girls? Whether their attitudes changed toward you once you became a member or not, they are mistreating non-members and being very poor representatives of their sororities.

How big are the sororities at your school? If the chapters are 70ish or less, I would cross the sorority with the bitchy girls off your list. But if they’re 200+, you’re going to have sisters you don’t like. That’s just the law of averages.

Are the shirts giant fugly t shirts? If so everyone has the same problem.

Hey, did one of us accidentally ban her?

NOT that being banned would improve any paranoia!

Can someone restore her?

Not me.

#FreeLaceyPNM

#FreeLaceyPNM

#FreeLaceyPNM

I've been unbanned! Thank you, everyone!

FSUZeta, to answer your question, I'm not totally sure why they hate me. The only thing I can think of is that one of my suitemates is in their sorority as well and she started dating one of their exes. I didn't really get to go to a whole lot of parties because of work. I have a lot of friends in their sorority as well, and no one can tell me why they hate me so much.

33Girl, the sororities at my school aren't as large as SEC schools, but they are still 100+, so I'm not overly concerned about the girls that hate me in that sorority, because I still have friends in that one too, I'm just not sure how much weight each girls' opinion of me will carry. And the shirts aren't totally unfortunate, but they don't really help either. They are Comfort Colors and the ones we had were an ugly seafoam green, faded navy blue, and a rust-red that showed sweat (but it was raining the whole week too, so that wasn't a huge issue).

Lacey, I hope that you will work really hard to get RECS for every sorority and that you will give all the chapters a chance. As you said, you don't know how much pull your friends have in their chapter, and whether they could offset the probable negative votes from the mean girls.

This is going to be my upfront nature coming out, but why would you want to be a part of a sorority that has women who were so rude to you? What is it about this sorority that you can look past girls being complete bitches to you and want to join? I get that everyone isn't going to be your best friend, but if these girls really do hate you, and they're pulling that type of crap now, I would say with a lot of certainty that they'll make sure you're not on the bid list .

SO much YES about this post....