Too Many Recs?
 

Hello! I’ve been reading through all of the past posts on here, but I’ve run into a question that I can’t seem to find an answer for.

Quick Background: My daughter is going to go through recruitment this fall. I was never involved in Greek life when I was in college, but my older sister was. She’s helped my daughter a lot so far, but she tends to be a Negative Nancy about everything, so I'm also doing my own research. This site is a godsend and has saved me from asking so many common questions!

Between my daughter’s connections, my sister’s connections, and people that I know, it looks like she will have at least one (and in most cases two) recommendation for each house at the university she is attending. The problem is that there is one house where all three of us found someone who agreed to write a rec for her. On top of that, my kiddo works at a summer camp every year, and one of the adults that she is working with this year got very excited when she heard that my daughter planned to do Recruitment, and volunteered to write a rec for her sorority, which happens to be the one we already have three for. My daughter obviously thanked her and brought her the little packet that we put together for rec writers.

My sister kind of freaked out when she heard about this, because four recs is obsessive and the sorority will think she’s trying too hard. Of course, my daughter was never going to tell someone kind enough to volunteer that she didn’t need her rec, but my sister is making her stress a little bit. Is this really that big of a deal? From reading past posts here, it’s possible to get a rec from an acquaintance that you didn’t even know was planning to send one in, so I can’t believe she’s going to be the first person in history to have more than two recs for a house.

I understand that Recs won’t decide your Recruitment fate, but having more than two for one house won’t really hurt her, will it?

Thank you!

No, it won't hurt. Most of the chapter membership won't even know anything about the recs. Good luck to her!

Ditto what Thetalady said. It shouldn't hurt her. Best wishes for a successful recruitment!

Should be a non issue...and depending on where she is going, it could be great!

I know someone who had 17 recs for 1 chapter. I was asked to write an 18th rec. I thought that was over the top.

Yes Lu, 18 is a bit excessive.

Working on a colonization, I had sent out rec requests for a PNM to alumnae in her large city. Trouble is, I never got any answer, so I just kept sending requests out to various women - she was a great girl and we wanted her.
Then all the requests came rolling back - we received at least 7 sponsor forms, including several that were invaluable from personal friends.
One would have done it, but it was nice to have more.

I was an active many decades ago, so take my input for what it might be worth...any more than 3 recs always seemed a bit much, like a girl was trying too hard. Three recs gives a chapter enough input from a variety of people (a teacher, a relative, a whoever) without going overboard.

Please don't continue to worry about what you and your daughter can't control. What you, and others, have already done is done.

Have your daughter read-through all the positive advice given here in your thread (and within other recommended GC threads) and let her make the very best of what ought to be a beneficial college situation no matter her outcome.

(Co-ed Service Fraternity member here who has just been on the board for a long time)

Also depends on what the recruitment looks like at that school. You may want to give generalities as to where your daughter is going (athletic conference is probably at about the right level of generality). There is one set of answers on most things for the SEC (southeastern conference) where I swear that the reason for baby ultrasounds is to determine whether there will be a need to ask for recommends...

OTOH, at a smaller school where Greek Life doesn't dominate the social environment, things might be a little bit different)

Thank you so much for all the comments and advice. It certainly made my daughter feel better, even if she was a tad bit horrified that I posted to ask the question. I've also talked with my sister about not stressing my poor kiddo out any more than necessary. She's already super excited about going away to school, but also incredibly nervous (although I think I might be more nervous!). My sister loves her niece and has been very helpful through the recruitment process so far, but she's pretty negative about her going though it in general (at least to me), so it's nice to have some back up that it will be fine.

naraht, to answer your question, it is an SEC school. That's one of the reasons I didn't think having four recs for one sorority could possibly be that big of a deal. Everyone says to have one or two for each sorority, and even if that one sorority writes her off as trying too hard for having more, at least there are plenty of other options.

Anyway, thank you again. I've found a lot of answers to my Mom Questions with the search function, which has been great. At this point, I think we're just down to outfits for recruitment (which is my daughter's job), and making sure that everything is ready to ship our baby too far away in a few months.

I wish your daughter the best - there are lot of threads on here about SEC rush - not sure if you're familiar with SEC schools (you mention "shipping our baby too far away) or if your sister was at an SEC school, but it's a whole different animal than any other region, so those threads will be really valuable.

Also there some great threads of sticking it out through the whole process since rush can be tough and challenging. You'll read plenty of threads about girls who were unsure of the house they were bid to, but wound up loving it.

I hope you'll come back and update us this fall - and good luck to you as well - I know rush can be tough on moms too!

Yes,SEC is a different animal - as I can attest being an Alabama alum. But it is VERY exciting and all the groups are great. She can't go wrong keeping an open mind!

I'm sorry but this is too funny! :D Honestly, I don't think I would have stood a snowball's chance in hell (or, warmer yet, New Orleans in summer... guess where I live ;) ) of making it through an SEC recruitment, as my mother (who went to school in the UK) knew nothing about the greek system, and my father was actively anti-greek and VERY unhappy when I pledged. As it was, I attended a school in the Northeast where recruitment was a cakewalk compared to SEC schools, and I never saw a rec for any of our PNMs.

EliBean, from what I understand (having hung around GC for well over a decade) four recs won't hurt at at an SEC school.

I'm pretty familiar with how crazy SEC recruitment can be. I actually grew up a few hours from the school she is going to, and have heard the horror stories. My husband and I went to an ACC school in our home state, and my sister went to a LAC in the north, though, so we haven't lived it yet. We moved out west a couple of years ago, so it feels like we're shipping her too far away, even though she will have family within a few hours driving time, and friends at the school with her.

So far, she seems to be pretty laid back about the actual recruitment part. She really just wants to make friends and have fun. She knows that there's a lot that she can't control, and while I'd say she's equal to what everyone describes as a good candidate as far as looks, grades, activities and volunteerism goes, she has a couple of things that might be held against her, so she's prepared for that too.

I will definitely come back and let you know how it goes in the fall. She's nervous and excited and honestly ready for summer to be over. Me? I wish it would slow down. I've read a couple of threads suggesting a lot of wine, and I think I'm gonna need it from the moment we leave her at school, not just through recruitment.

Thanks!