Help a sister out
 

Hi everyone!

I am new to this site and am not sure if this is the place to post this question/post, but I am in need of advice. I am an initiated sister of ABC. And at my school this sorority is not the most popular (there has been drama dealing with who has been initiated based on looks etc, to low retention rates, aka we are not in good standing). And from day one I have felt uneasy, and unhappy in this sorority. I have tired countless of times to reach out to my big, the chapter president, local and national advisors, and even people in charge of greek life to see if there was anything that I can do to feel happy in this sorority. Yet, I was left with silence or the common mention that it takes time or a new pledge class. But it is a new year, and I am frustrated yet alone tired of waiting. This sorority has become toxic to my mental health. I want to stay to meet amazing young women, build connections and give myself the best college experience that I can have. But I do not think waiting will help. I do not want to give up or make a mistake in leaving, but I fully believe this sorority is not my home. I know there is another organization there for me, but as an initiated sister, I am unable by NPC to rush again. From the beginning I knew this was not the one, but waited and stayed in hopes for finding a placement in this group and not to disappoint my family/sister who was in the same sorority years prior (she surprised me at my initiation and initiated me with her pin). I should have left when I could, but the past is the past. Now I am wondering if the greek chat women can help me with any advice. From what I should do to what are the benefits in staying. Thank you.

*Nothing against ABC as a sorority; honestly a lovely organization/group of women nationally. I attend the University of xxx and a part of the xx chapter.

There is no magical advice that will make you happy with the opportunity you have as a member of a NPC sorority. You have to decide to be happy and look for opportunities within your chapter to join in and feel good about the great things your chapter is doing.

You are an initiated member so joining another NPC org is off the table.

If your experiencing true toxicity then you should resign.

Oh, sweet girl. The first thing I would do is edit you post to remove the name of the organization and your school. It’s weird. Things on the internet can live forever. If things really turn around for you within your chapter, you don’t want people to be able to come back and identify who you are and hold your previous statements against you—like when you are nominated for President of your chapter. :)

Groups are what you make of them. Find one friend—just one girl that you click with in your group. Promise yourself that you will say nothing negative about xyz in all your conversations with her. Then start applying that same rule to your interactions with all of your interactions with your sisters. Negativity is toxic. Positivity is healing. Perhaps you can be the agent of change within your chapter—but start with just one sister. Then, start creating your own events. Invite a few sisters you want to know for a game night, cookie making, etc. You really determine your own happiness within a chapter.

If you really hate all of your sisters, get to know some of the alumnae. Once again, don’t say anything negative about the chapter, just get to know them. This is the group you will be a part of for the rest of your life.

Start volunteering with your national philanthropy.

Get on a committee within your chapter, work hard and only say good things about it. You will see a change.

You could do the above things or you could terminate your membership. Great leaders take what they have and then figure out how to be agents of change themselves. It often starts with changing their own outlook. This could be you.

Best wishes for a wonderful year.

As with anything, you get out of it what you put in. If you are avoiding events because you haven't connected with anyone (yet) you probably feel even worse every time you do show up. Others are forming bonds and you likely feel like an outsider. That closeness, for them, is developing because they are putting more of themselves out there. This is not an experience that you can simply observe.

You have to decide if Greek life is important to you and if you really want to make it work. It is expensive and time consuming. But, for those of us with more years to reflect on it, we know how rewarding our sisterhoods have been. I truly believe it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Membership beyond college has been deeply satisfying on many levels.

At this juncture, you have two choices and joining another NPC group is not one of them. You can resign and always wonder if you gave up something that could have been cherished. Or, you can throw your heart and soul into it. If you haven't yet, as has been said, really put yourself out there.

Invite your Big or a few members to dinner, or over to your place before a larger chapter event. Make it a point to really welcome and connect with every new member this semester. Volunteer for a leadership position and show up to every philanthropy event.

If after an entire semester of being the most enthusiastic member of your chapter and reaching out beyond your comfort zone, you still don't feel a connection, then you can resign without a lifetime of wondering if you did the most you could to make it work.

I believe that you will find that you contemplated giving up before really scratching the surface. Good luck to you.

You get what you put in
 

I always say you get out what you put in. There was a time when I was a new member and I was debating whether to stay or go. All chapters have some problems and issues to work through, I also think that through sticking it out you'll find your place within your chapter. So there might be some drama from a group of girls, those girls might also be the louder ones in your chapter, I bet you there is a more mellow or professional group within where you act as a force of change for the betterment of your chapter.

Honestly, there were and still are multiple things that need to be changed in my own chapter and we have a strong group of women working towards that, is there still some drama? yes but I don't know a time in history where everything was peaceful especially when changes are being made. I take pride in how far my chapter has come over the years.

I know you might be feeling alone but do reach out towards your sisters and even other greek women because you are not alone. Always remember there is nothing wrong with being really close with members of other chapters, Find you people and if your having a hard day with your chapter at least you'll have people to turn to no matter their greek status.

As for the comment about removing your chapter name from your post because it might damage your reputation I disagree, I think that women who see flaws in their chapter and stay to work through them and bring the chapter higher are the women who I would want to lead because they are not quitters and they don't avoid the problems, but that's just my opinion.

Long ago, I joined a sorority that wasn't "the best" on campus. The chapter went through some horrifically toxic events. To this day, I have no idea why I stayed a member!

BUT - I came out of it with 5 women who are my very best friends and that made EVERYTHING worth it. We get together at least once a year, we have supported each other through triumphs and tragedies. We didn't really come together as a group until our senior year, so give yourself time and, as others have suggested, get to know your sisters.