Getting your parents to support you joining a GLO
 

I don't know if I posted this in the right forum, but I need advice. Ever since I pledged Alpha Gam, my mom has had something negative to say about it. I think she really hates the idea of her daughter being a "sorority girl" :rolleyes: I feel like she doesn't support me in my decision to go greek. After I was initiated a few weeks ago, my mom completely does not understand why I have to go to chapter meetings. She can't stand the fact that I have to be back on campus a few hours earlier so I can make it to chapter. She doesn't understand what the word "mandatory" means! She thinks that I spend all of my time doing things for AGD, when I don't.

I wrote all that to ask how you were able to win your parents over in your decision to join a GLO? Thanks in advance.:)

My mom was very similar due to some bad experiences when she was in college (a GDI, dating a fraternity man and got a lot of flack for it from the sorority women on her campus). What changed it for her was when she came to our Mother/Daughter tea and met my incredible sisters. Now, 23 years later, as I'm still volunteering, she says once in a while "I think that sorority thing you do is really good"

Make sure you don't just talk about socials and meetings. Talk about the philanthropy that you do and the leadership opportunities that you get. Take time to get to know who some of our "Distinguished Alumnae" are (they are on our website) and name drop once in a while. When my mom started getting Meals on Wheels, I said "You know the founder of Meals on Wheels was an Alpha Gam". So, I drop things like that...

None other than our current International President impressed her too. My mom was watching my kids at my house when I was working and the current IP was then the Director of Finance while I was on the Finance Committee. My mom would call and say "That very nice lady with the southern accent called you"

My parents, grandparents, and all the family members that I know of were all greek......so it wasn't that hard for me.

....and I realize that this helps you in no way. I would just continue to tell her about all of the positives attributed to being in a sorority.

some things that joining a sorority did for me:

while in college: a support system when i needed a hug or help studying for
an exam

sisters to applaude my successes and sometimes get on my
case when i needed it

sisters to look out for my well-being and best interests

a safe,secure place to live on campus

3 well-balanced meals a day

leadership opportunities on a large campus

opportunity to serve the community thru service events

fun sisterhood events, socials and formals

after college: alumnae chapters in the towns where i lived that helped me
find schools, babysitters, doctors, dentists, lawyers,
churches,

networking for jobs,

friends in new places

leadership opportunities, advisor opportunities for the college
chapter

intro to junior league

friendships with women in other sororities

opportunity to serve the community thru service events

sisters who live in the town where my daughter attends college
who will do anything for my daughter if she needs them

I sent my mom pictures of my sisters and me doing philanthropy activities, community service and sisterhoods. As soon as she saw that it was more than just partying, she got a lot more receptive.

I didn't have to try and gain support, I told my parents I wanted to join AKA (a long time ago) and they said great!

Let your parents see the national website and/or chapter website. Of course like the other people have said tell them the positives and the notable members. After a while they will likely warm up to it, especailly since you are a member for life!:D

Since your mom doesn't understand and/or may have some bias against Greek Life, perhaps you could relate it to something familiar to her? For example, have your parents ever belonged to an organization which would require them to attend regular meetings (anything from Junior League to a charitable organization to the PTA, etc.)?

I was the first Greek in my family (well, that I knew of at the time - I learned later that my older cousin was an AST). My parents were a little skeptical at first, but I just tried to reinforce the positives. (And also, since my father was a member of an IOOF lodge, it helped to facilitate some understanding on their part - at least there were some similarities to draw on!)

I pledged an NPC sorority before joining Nu Sig, and had a really awful experience there. My mom was understandably weary when I told her I wanted to join another organization. I just kept reiterating the positives, explaining that it would be different this time. She wasn't enthused, but I joined anyway, paid all my dues myself (that way she couldn't say anything otherwise...) After a few years, she realized that I had taken a leadership role and that I had changed for the better.... She still didn't understand until she became the VP of her teacher's Union... NOW she gets it! :rolleyes:

my advice: pay the dues on your own (if you really want it), showing her that you're capable of making your own decisions...

Reiterate the positives of the org, philanthropy and community service, tell stories of times when sisters were/ are there for you and as an academic support system as well....

also explain that the meetings and other events are imperative the structure of the organization... I wasn't very involved in anything until joining my group, so explaining my knowledge to my parents helped them feel more comfortable about my activities.

(i believe someone already said a lot of things )
Also, invite her to visit the house, meet everyone, etc.

My mom came with me to Alpha Gam's parent's weekend, and she said that she really liked the girls there and that she "felt much better about the sorority." My mom knows the positive things we do (I tell her ALL the time), and she understands that I am not one of those people who goes to parties all the time. She just hates it that I can't get out of mandatory events. For some reason, she thinks that I am always at a mandatory event (which I'm not!) and she gets very upset that I have to go to chapter when I have a paper due the next day. I've told her that me going to chapter is a lot like her going to her teacher meetings for the preschool she teaches at. But she still doesn't get it!

The only thing that has really bothered her recently is that certain events (including chapter) are mandatory since I'm now a sister. She does not understand how bad she hurts my feelings when she complains about Alpha Gam, because it means so much to me. I'm responsible enough to get my homework done before fun Alpha Gam events, but in her mind I spend all my time doing "silly sorority stuff". *grrr* sorry this is so long, but I have to vent.

Part of joining any organization is dedication to it. Ask her if she'd be unhappy if you spent all the time you spend with your chapter going to sports practices and competitions, because it's essentially the same thing. Plus if you pay for your dues and show up to nothing, it's kind of a waste of money really. You're getting your money's worth whenever you go to events.

It took a while for my parents to get used to the idea especially during my pledge period because I was coming home a little later than normal, but once they see how i managed to balance my time between my classes and my activities with the fraternity, they accepted it.

do you live at home and commute to campus?

That's what I was wondering too. (Either that, or possibly her hometown is close to campus and she goes home every weekend?)

Do you think it would ease her mind if you showed her a copy of the chapter calendar and explained that you know well in advance what the "mandatory" events are? Which, in turn, gives you plenty of advanced notice to budget your time, studies, and other activities accordingly? (In that regard, you could even put a positive spin on it and show how balancing the chapter activities with your other obligations is teaching you good time management skills? After all, in the "real world" ;) one day you may find yourself juggling work, family obligations, children's events, social functions, charitable work, etc. How fabulous is it that you're learning those very relevant "real world" skills now? :D )

I know that Alpha Gamma Delta has specific requirements when the chapter is setting the calendar and determining mandatory events - one of which is requiring a "free weekend" every month. Perhaps by sharing this information with your mom, it will help alleviate her concerns a little and show that what you have on your plate is manageable?

I'm sure part of it is just that she's having a hard time letting her baby go. :) Especially if you still live at home and sorority life has changed what was previously a "comfortable routine" for her. Its something that we all have to deal with eventually (thankfully my kids are still little tykes so I have awhile :o ), but with some reassurance from you it might help to make things a little easier for her to accept.

P.S. I'm a Chapter Advisor, and there are spurts of time where I have a lot going on over at the chapter house. I don't have to justify my activities to my parents anymore, but sometimes I do have to explain to my husband (who did not attend a school with a Greek system) why I'm needed at the chapter house "again." So, in that regard, I feel your pain. ;)